by samantha on August 25, 2010
I am indifferent when it comes to shopping.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve bought something and loved it so much I would find any opportunity to wear it.
I can’t remember ever buying something that I would wash in the delicate cycle or take out to get dry cleaned.
In my office, anything including jewelry or high heels is extremely overdressed.
I have a hard time finding myself anything that I really like and can justify the expenditure. Everything is so damn expensive – or at least to me. I mean, spending more than forty dollars on a pair of pants pains me. I think of all the other things I could/should be using it for. Like a credit card payment, dinner, clothes for the kids. My mind spins with these other needs to the point it makes me feel ill and I leave empty handed.
With my fat ass being heavier (even though I’ve lost just over 20 pounds in the past 4 months), trendy, cute clothes are all so tricky to find: something that covers my rolls; works to accentuate the good stuff and hide the bad; is comfortable; is not too expensive… COMES IN LARGE ENOUGH SIZES… it’s really just more trouble than I have patience for.
Grabbing a size I think is right and heading to the change room, which seems to be lit by 1,000 watt blubs and reflects off the three-sided mirrors, to stuff myself in to said item only to find that it’s actually too small is not my idea of a good time. So, I try and convince myself that I’m still losing weight and buying something would just be a waste because I (hopefully) won’t be able to wear it after a few months.
But damn, people. Lately, I have really wanted to shop. But… I think I’ve forgotten how…
I am seeing clothes as fun! and exciting! again. For years I have lived with hiding my body under thick turtleneck sweaters, layers of clothing and simple items so not to draw too much attention to myself. I am sick of it. I am sick of hiding. I am sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin.
Clothing images link to my Stylesense account, feel free to click through if you like. May help me get closer to getting my very own pair of Jimmy Choo’s!
Now, I am feeling slightly more confident, slightly braver, and proud of my results. I am trying to branch out from my typical boring look – of t-shirts and jeans – but I’m finding it hard to put things together. I don’t even know where to start. Where to shop, what to look for, deals to be had; I truly suck at this.
I need to find myself a style guru. I need someone to hold my hand, pass me clothes over the change room door, accessorize me, then pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be alright.
Oh, and if the came with an open-ended credit card and a proper bra fitting, I would be in heaven.
by samantha on August 17, 2010
A Manhattan condo is a dream of mine.
Hell, a Toronto condo wouldn’t be bad either.
But, Manhattan. The Big Apple, The City That Never Sleeps, New York: that’s where I belong. The fast pace, the activity, the multiculturalism: it’s all perfect. Yes, much like Toronto, but on a much grander scale.
Until a couple weeks ago, it’s was 13 years since my last visit as a scrawny 16-year-old teenager. We went on a trip, my best … keep reading »
by samantha on July 19, 2010
After hitting publish on my last post, I cried.
I cried because I was scared, worried, anxious about reactions I may receive. Not so much about the pictures, though they were pretty hard for me to post, but that I felt completely exposed. Not only did I divulge into how my messed up brain works, but combine that with a couple of pictures of my flabby mom-post-baby-two-years-ago belly, which. Dude? Ouch.
I kinda worried you were … keep reading »
by samantha on July 14, 2010
I’ve been reluctant to share my progress during this weight loss journey.
Okay, so not really, I mean, if you’ve been following my twitter feed you’ve likely witness diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to talking about working out.
After professing my love for Kristen Chase and Jillian Michaels’ 30-day Shred a year ago, I gave in to my emotional eating habits while I went through returning to work, daycare troubles, a move, bouts of depression, and … keep reading »
by samantha on July 6, 2010
As a teenager, my relationship with my mother was anything but pleasant. Living in a home with the two of us must have been hell. Me, constantly wanting, her, constantly resisting. Typical mother, teenaged daughter-type relationship really.
Things became significantly more harried as I began to “date” an older boy. I say “date” because well, I was weeks from my sixteenth birthday, he just turned nineteen – and already had a girlfriend with whom he … keep reading »
by samantha on July 3, 2010
I changed my design in hopes it would give me a refreshed outlook on blogging. It was a hasty decision brought on by the stagnant, putrid smell emanating from this site. Each and every time I’ve come here to try to write something I’d feel stifled by the lack of fresh content and the inescapable need to post something.
The Guilt.
Guilt that I haven’t been writing, guilt that there are more things which need my … keep reading »
by samantha on June 22, 2010
I remember being so intimidated by my peers who were members of the local track club and trained for running events while I would show up in my thick cotton jogging shorts and ratty runners. I stuck out like a sore thumb amidst those well-groomed track athletes and their perfectly pressed running uniforms and expensive track shoes. I would stay bundled up in my sweatshirt and jogging pants, while they sauntered around in their … keep reading »
by samantha on June 17, 2010
Free time has been scarce lately.
I think I need someone to schedule my life.
I would say I am a multi-tasker, though Mike would disagree. He says I start something and leave it to start something else. I just think I know he just doesn’t understand the term Multi-tasking. Because seriously? Give him more than one set of instructions Ask him to do more than one thing at a time and his eye glaze over.
I’ll … keep reading »
