Sucks.

I can’t log into my account at all. It wo’nt recognize my password, I haven’t changed it at all, and my account is set to private, so I don’t know if it could be compromised or not.
So stupid, I always have troubles there. Nothing ever works right.

I wonder if it has anything to do with my new anti virus software that I upgraded last night… It shouldn’t though because I logged in last night after the installation.

Piece of crap.

Anyway, for those that read this, have a great weekend!

I hate shopping for clothes. Hate it. I can’t wait until I lose more weight. Everything is made so damn small now. I know I will never be a size 0, but it would be nice even to feel comfortable in a great pair of jeans again. It’s been so long since I’ve bought something that I just love, that I feel great and look great in.. I always have to compromise or settle for something that’s alright. I to be somewhat trendy too. I want to wear the new styles and actually be comfortable in it.
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The weather is so stifflingly hot. I hate walking into a wall of humidity everytime I step outside. I case you haven’t noticed, I hate humidity.
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I am part of a wedding this fall and we have the stag and doe on Friday night. I’m really looking foward to it! There’s going to be a bunch of friends for college there too.
The only thing that I am hesitant about is my weight. I know it sounds so superficial. I know it does. But I just dread the looks, because I know what’s going through people’s heads… I’ve had thoughts like that when I was about 35lbs lighter too. “Holy shit, she’s gained weight.” It sounds so harsh and mean and heartless… but that’s my fear.

I am feeling pushed out in a couple aspects of my life. Poor me eh?

First “that place”. I feel like I just don’t belong there anymore. I have nothing to post about anything. I don’t have anything in common with anyone there anymore – the ones that I did have been spending less time there, or jst upped and left. *ahem*
No posts are unique.. very little are positive, frankly it’s depressing. Marriages falling apart, cheating, fighting, lying….though I do love some of the people that are going through this, just not what I want to read about ALL the time. I mean I go there to escape life, to escape the stuff I don’t want to deal with and it’s all thrown in your face there. It’s really just a shitty soap opera there…. I mean if it’s got to be that nasty all the time, at least throw in a good cat fight once and a while.
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Carter’s becoming more and more independant. I try and play with him everyday; very little does he even want to interact with me anymore, lol – ditched by an 11 month old. Aren’t I cool!? LOL
He will laugh and play with me for liek 5 minutes then leaves me and ignores me. I just end up sitting there watching him play.
I am out of ideas… I don’t want to force him to interact with me, but at the same time I don’t want to go about my own things and just leave him there along to play. *sigh*
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Me and DH are not on the same wave length anymore either. I want to IMPROVE my lifestyle, get out, walk, visit people, swim, you know, enjoy life. He on the other hand likes to come home and sit infront of the TV from the moment he gets home until the moment he goes to bed.
I am somewhat of a dependant person. I like to do things together; I’m not one to go for a hike in a conservation area alone, KWIM?
I just wish that he would enjoy life WITH me. I want to do things as a family, not alone all the time.

Today’s activities are limited now. We’ve just had a HUGE dumping of rain, it’s thundering and the dog’s scared, lol. I don’t mind rain storms so much as I used to. I enjoy most sounds of it – when it’s not a severe storm. lol
When I was little I was deathly afraid of thunderstorms. I remember covering my face under my blakets and turning my walkman up so loud to drown out the sounds of it. I still have moments and days where they scare the crap out of me, but I try hard not to relay that fear to Carter.
I read that children are born with two fears – falling and loud noises – the rest are learned. I don’t want him to learn my fears!

Carter and I had our Creep Crawl and Toddle group today; it’s really funny seeing all the kids that are close in age growing up together, and achieving goals at the same time. Many of the little ones there today have started with their first steps this week – right along with Carter! Tuesday’s are great for naps too! He was exhausted after that class, he’s been sleeping since 11:30! It’s now 2:45pm!!

And to answer those questions about photos on this site:
Click on the icon at the top that looks like a picture and select a file you’ve saved on your computer or one from an image hosting site! It’s been a nightmare to load pictures this week though, for some reason.

Sometimes if I’m not sure what to write about I look for images online and they give me inspiration. But today, it was one of my own from our trip down south.

Summer used to be one of my least favourite seasons. I used to hate the heat, I couldn’t tan and I would wear jeans all summer. Well, since November ‘04 I’ve loved it more and more, since my trip to the Dominican really. I started going to the tanning bed, and for the first time in my life I actually had a great tan! Since then I have been tanning much better and even wear shorts all the time now!!
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Carter and I got out for a walk and went to the playground for a bit. I think we were gone for about 2 hours. It was nice, nice to get out, nice to not care.. just play in the playground with him. He liked it a lot and is now fast asleep.
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Things are changing at “that place” more then ever before, I am suspicious and untrusting at the moment. I feel as though I am not safe online anywhere to express myself or my feelings.
I have in my mind that I am done there. I don’t really have the same enjoyment for it anymore, but there are people there still that keep me hanging on. There are people that I just don’t want to lose.
But since exploring our from “that place” there are some friendships I have made there that are progressing and blossoming and I love it!
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It’s hot again. It rained all weekend when it called for clear and sunny. I swear, a meterologist is the only job you can have where you’re wrong 99% of the time and still be employed.
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I did a pile of laundry today. I love washing clothes; I just hate folding and putting them away. I think I detest putting them away the most though.
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Okay, so for this weight watchers I have chose to cut out milk and sugar in my coffee. First it was totally gross. I had to choke it down (well, didn’t have to, there was no gun to my head), but now it’s alright.
I can do it… though, I have french vanilla beans, so I think that makes a bit of a difference.
But man do I LOVE my Tim Horton’s double double. I don’t have to give it up, but I have to cut it back… *sigh* I can do this!

I’m not in the mood to come up with some creative title today, LOL.

Well, today is humid and yucky. I am miserable. I hate humidity, HATE it. I could live with 50 degrees (celcius) as long as there is no humidity. It makes me sooo uncomforatble. I hate the sticky yucky feeling and everything is just YUCK! Feels like a licked lollypop stuck to my arm. Excellent explination eh? LOL

Went to take Dh to the eye specialist today, it went good – except for my wait in the waiting room. Carter was beyond tired and just a pain in the ass. The kid is so squirmy and cranky! He hits and screams when he’s tired. He’s developed quite the attitude already, which as gotten me worried a little. So I got the stroller out of the car and put him in that. I tried rocking it to help him relx… well, he sits up straight in the midst of a rock and smokes his face off the tray part. He then proceeds to scream bloody murder infront of the other people in the office. I can feel the eyes staring at me; I just want to tell everyone to fuck off – haven’t they seen a tired and miserable kid before. It’s not like he’s the first one ever! Geez. So finally DH gets out of the office and pretty much says nothing… I ask questions and he gives one word answers – fine forget it, I give up.

I went to my mom group thing that we used to have on Mondays – we switched to Fridays for some of the moms that have returned to work – so they can come. It’s a horribly hot and humid day and each time we get together on these kids of days everyone’s houses get even hotter too. *sigh* I’m sweating my ass of trying to stay with Carter as he roams around; I finally give up and let him just go, there’s really nothing he can get into, so my time improved from then on.
There are some really great girls there, but something just erked me today… there are 3 women there that are French *that’s not a huge deal, Tina * But they proceed to have a conversation in french, infront of us all. I found that a little rude. I don’t know, it’s not really..just got under my skin for some reason.

All of a sudden I really like blogging! LOL I have 4.5 going at the moment. One’s just the picture site at MSN, here I have 2 and at “that place” I have a journal. Then I signed up to livejournal so I could read a friend’s blog there. I got my page set up – it’s really pretty, and I think I have to fight the urge to post there too. For such a boring life like mine, how could I possibly have enough to say at like 5 different blogs?! LOL
I thought about breaking everything down into it’s own blog – like one for the family, one for me, one for WW and one for me and DH. But how could I expect that ANYONE would kee up with THAT many blogs about me. I doubt that I even would, LMAO!
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DH is gone to work today again. They are keeping him on “light duty” so that they don’t have a WSIB (Worker Safety and Insurance Board) claim against them – smart on their behalf, I’ve done a little work for WSIB for my company and you don’t want to involve them when you don’t have to that’s for sure.
So “light duty” consists of sitting inside an inactive machine and resting for the day. You pull a lever or two about once an hour and get a full days pay. That’s alright by us too, with me on Mat. Leave until the end of August we just couldn’t make it without him working.
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I have so much house work to do. I avoid it like the plauge. I have no desire to mop, or sweep or dust at all. There is so much clutter everywhere too. It’s been a stressful couple days and it piles up when I don’t do anything – that is VERY evident right now.
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Briggs is feeling better, kind of. She’s still moppy and sleepy. She’s wearing a t-shirt so that she can’t pick at her scabs and I have to take her back to the vet in 10 days to have her stitches removed. While I type this I have a feeling I made her appointment for the day of my friend’s Stag and Doe that I am apart of. I think I have to call and reschedule it now.
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The photo above is one by Bouke Salverda. It’s the wind turbine on the lakeshore in Toronto. It’s a beautiful picture. I find that turbine seems so magestic and beautiful, flying solo. I find it hard to understand who people find them to be an eye sore and stick out like a sore thumb. I remember flying over Demark and seeing the wind farm in the ocean off their shores and how beautiful it was. We need more of them I think.