I hate that I worry so much about money and debt. It’s a constant thought in my head. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I am married to a very money hungry person that has made me this conscience of it, but I eat sleep and shit money.. all the time… everything is about money.
I get so upset, I feel myself getting hot, I start to have panic attacks about it. Seriously.
This week is one of the hardest for me. I have only 1/2 of my benefits from Maternity Leave coming in. I don’t know when my first pay cheque is, and I have bills coming out my ass.
We have our new daycare bill that will take a very large portion of my income when I return to work, we have car loans, utilities – you name it. Same as everyone else I know.
I sent in my recipt for my glasses assuming they were covered from what I had read in the insurance coverage booklet, but they weren’t. I got the recipt back in the mail today and felt all hot and panicked. I hate this feeling. It consumes me.
I am freaking about how we’re going to make it through the next 3 weeks. The hydro/water bill is the highest it’s ever been and I don’t want it to be paid late… but I think it will be.
Mike makes great money and we’ve struggled for the past month to get our heads above water and it’s like a big wave has come along and sunk us again. I don’t know how much longer I can live treading water like this.
I pray (and seriously I have been) that my returning to work will get us back in the black. I want so much to not worry (as much) as I have been in the past three months. I don’t know that I can survive feeling like this.
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