Our wacky and wild adventures this past weekend, that’s all I can call it. I needed time to process it and get over the anger of some of it. Where to start.

First, the wedding was fantastic. Beautiful! Great weather for the ceremony and pictures, rain for the reception which was fine, everything was indoors. I had too much wine (surprise, surprise) and cried at the end of the night when the bride and groom were leaving.… then as I was walking to my friend’s car to get my stuff out of it, I fell in an unused fire pit – we were staying in trailers in the conservation area where the reception was. I never laughed so hard! Hurt a little and have a bruise, but it’s all good. I was wearing my dress and everything too, no damages to the dress, just needs a good dry cleaning. I was so jealous that they are having a great honeymoon together in Jamaica and I can’t wait until they come back, I am dying to talk to her!

The other thing… I wrote it all out and then thought about putting that on the internet and not knowing who could see it and what repercussions that may have for my family, so I opted against spelling it out. I was just soooo upset about it all. I am very much against it, and my husband did it… and could have had very very terrible repercussions if he had been caught or worse killed someone.

*sigh*

So, things are better. We’ve been fighting a lot more lately and I have been wondering where we are going to be in a years time. We’re getting meaner and meaner to each other and poor Carter deserves better then that, we all do. I just hope things get better, I can’t imagine they can get much worse.

Well, not really. Here I am sitting at my desk looking out the window. Not the greatest view in the world -a parking lot and the back of a movie theatre across the road, but whatever. It’s better then what I used to have. Pre-renovation I was upstairs, not really a legal workspace, but we made do. I was surrounded by old files of past jobs and scattered drawings that people hadn’t bothered to put back in their right locations. It was the dungeon as I had affectionately called it. As horrible was it was up there, I had very little interruptions and I was out of sight out of mind. LOL Well, there were 5 of us up there, but I was alone most of the time.

We’ve now moved to the main floor of the unit and have natural light! I share an office with my general manager, though he’s slightly untidy, he’s one of the best office mates I could ask for. He’s easy to get along with and we can chat for a little and know when to get back to work. Not like the people that chat and chat and never get the hint that you NEED to get back to work, I know you know the kind of people I am referring to.
It’s been a good transition back to work. The guys here have been very accommodating and helpful with me getting back on my feet. I feel a little out of place, not understanding inside jokes that have developed over the year I have been gone… or maybe it’s the fact that I am a superior woman *cough, cough* and don’t understand ‘man talk” ß note the sarcasm please. LOL
I have been finding it hard to situate myself back into the group and not feel as though I am a newbie; I have been an employee longer then everyone at this company, but I am feeling as though I am having to conform to changes that have been made and I had no input on… I COMPLETELY understand that and have no problem with it, just feels strange is all – most of them are for the better anyway.

It’s been a change showing up on construction sites again. I had slightly forgotten about the stares and looks as you walk in with your hardhat, vest and boots… it’s like some of these men have never seen a woman in their lifetime. Most of the guys that I have seen lately remember me from before, and are great to me. They really watch out for me and I can joke and chat with them like a buddy, but they would never expect that it would lead to something more, KWIM?

So, I know you’re interested in WHAT I actually do. It’s not something that I have taken the time to explain in detail before… people hear construction and assume that I am a labourer. That I am not.
I work for a small company and my job is to inspect installations of construction materials at the earliest stages. Not forming, roofing, or even the building itself, I am on sites before even that starts.
Before a building can even be constructed the most important part (that you never see) has to be constructed – the foundation. In larger cities it’s hard to construct something without having a neighbour. There is always one or more buildings next to the site that are affected by the new construction. Many building have 2+ underground floors for parking or basements and such, therefore require digging. The digging needs to be supported all around to keep everything outside that hole in place – so buildings aren’t shifting and falling and losing ground below them. That’s where my company comes in. We monitor the adjacent buildings and the walls of the site to make sure that there are no movements while these deep holes are dug – and they can range from 30 feet deep to 100 feet+.
I also inspect installations of the earth retention systems. Big machines drill holes for supports to be installed and then pressure applied to hold them in place. I inspect the installations as well as apply those HUGE loads o the tiebacks (supports). (It’s difficult to explain in simple terms and I’m sorry!) The loads that we put on these tiebacks can be as much as 2 overloaded and overstuffed transport trucks (1400kN). We use jacks to apply the load and I watch and take measurements. There are MANY more things that I do and take part of.. but that’s the easiest to explain. LOL!!

So there, you have a little insight to what kind of work I do.

Hey, sorry it’s been so long. Busy, busy , busy here! I just got over my weekend hangover and have been trying to keep up with things around the house. My house is getting away from me, it’s filthy and gross. I dread even doing something about it because I can’t be bothered to start anywhere!

This weekend I was in my best friend’s wedding. It was so beautiful and weather was great; minus the early morning rain and dampness, the sun came out and it turned out to be a perfect day!

The evening reception was great (what I can remember of it), we had a blast. I woke up feeling fine, and my wine hangover got the best of me late in the day and all day yesterday! LOL… man oh man!

I wish I had more time to share more… I have to get Carter in the bath and cleaned up and then swtich his carseat around to be forward facing. So, I hope to be back tonight with more wonerful stories.. and yes I have a couple… LOL

BUT… enoy the dress picture Tina! It’s not the greatest one…but hopefully I will have more to share later.

Well, maybe I don’t really need therapy.. but help, lol. Any men that may have stumbled upon this blog may want to ever their eyes at this point. This ins your ONLY warning.

**

Ever since I change birth control methods I’ve been a nightmare! I got an IUD after Carter was born. I had years of remembering forgetting to take my pill, break through bleeding, weight gain, and just pure annoyance. I hated it but never bothered to look into a another method. I started when I was 15; you know, that time in your life where you think that you want to start DTD and you feel so much more mature when you sneak off to the clinic during lunch and grab bags of condoms and start taking birth control.. because that day *may* come soon. Giggling all the way to class and thinking you’re so clever going to the clinic and getting a bag of condoms. LOL Those were the days…

Anyway, back to the point.
I don’t get Aunt Flow coming to visit anymore. With this IUD that I got it just doesn’t come… but PMS does, oh does it ever! I get so bitchy. Beyond bitchy. I would never admit to DH, but I can’t even stand myself sometimes! LOL

I have been freaking out over everything. The cat scratches the door and I just feel like kicking him down the stairs -I WOULD NEVER DO THIS… No one call Animal Control please! The dog whines and I want to lock her outside… Carter cries and I am ready to jump under a moving bus… you understand? I just get so angry at everything. Yes, can you say mood swings!?

So, I come home, a little later then usual. I get Carter a bottle and turn on the tv as I try and prepare dinner, read: heat up leftovers. I go in the fridge to find spilt crusted milk on the glass, rotten lettuce and an over flowing garbage…. and guess who calls?! Yup, poor Mike, I think I unleashed the demonic creature that’s been stirring for the last couple hours and just tore him a new asshole.
I even had to call and apologize I was that mean. *sigh*

I am now at the point where I have to weigh my options. Do I want to be Satan spawn for a week a month and not deal with remembering pills and not getting a visit from Aunt Flow, or do I go back on the pill and forget to take them and worry all the time? What to do, what to do.
Right now I think I can deal with being Satan spawn.. but I don’t think Mike can.

So I have been thinking. OMG, thinking! I can’t believe it! I have to somehow sweet talk the boss into giving me a raise. I know that I have barely been back two weeks, but I believe that this reflects on my years of past service as well. I am still entitled to everything that I would have been had I not been on maternity leave for a year, right? (I don’t want to be one of those people that get fired for writing shit online about work, LOL)
I know that there are new people hired that are making more then me. Granted, they have years experience that I have not. Not because I haven’t tried or anything, it’s simply age. Everyone else is 30+ at my company and there’s little ol’ me pushing 26. LOL
But I have 5 years with this company and have alot of experience for that short time (feels like a life time) under my belt. My starting wage was nothing compared to what new hires are starting out at which leaves me falling at the bottom end of the spectrum where wages are concerned.
I may just broach the topic tomorrow in a meeting and gauge his reaction (hopefully it’s not telling me to pack my shit and get the fuck out), then go from there. I just don’t know.. I just know that I hate feeling like I am not contributing to my household because every penny is dedicated to bills and debt. I hate that I have no money for me, yes, I pay myself first.. but dammit I want to be able to TREAT myself too!

* Today I had to go to a construction site. I really don’t mind going and it’s nice to get out of the office once and a while. The only thing that’s really frustrating is when the muthafucka asswipes men on site treat me like a little nobody; like I don’t know what I am talking about. (Do you think that it has something to do with the fact that I happened to be wearing pink today?) I explain things and they don’t believe me, it’s like I need to have a back up or something… so frustrating.. but I’ve gotten used to it, and it’s just something that you have to deal with when working in a muthafucka asswipes male dominated field.

* I had lunch with two friends from work today, it was nice, but I was feeling guilty for taking a longer then normal lunch break. WTH though, I hard;y ever leave the office during lunch, and it’s usually really short, so I thought – who cares? Well, *apparently* my boss may have.
When I returned to the office there was an email from him… addressed to everyone. It was really nice, congratulated on work well done, blah, blah, blah.. then the last thing was to remember that we have flexible work hours, but please do not take advantage of them. WTF!? I don’t know that it was directed at me.. there is another person in my office that is, shall we say, liberal with his breaks and “errands”. Not sure though. Hell, I’ve been there for 5 years and never once had a complaint about my work ethic or hours, but here’s that guilty / paranoid feeling again..like I always feel that it’s my fault and he’s talking about me when really I have no idea.

* Why is it that men always need “help” and if you’re not there at their beckon call, you’re doing nothing?
While Carter and his dad were taking a shower I was washing the dishes, cleaning the floor, cleaning the high chair, cleaning the table, taking out compost, playing fetch with the dog… and I get is SHIT for not helping because HE forgot to take a towel into the bathroom!! What the fuck you dick? It’s not MY fault that you leave them on the bedroom floor, or that you didn’t think ahead (as usual) and that I was outside and didn’t hear you call for help.
I have about 6 tasks I am doing at once and he can’t even take care off bath time and getting PJs on alone!? *sigh* I just have to shake my head… I don’t get it, and I fear I never will. Men.

Just got back from a pedicure and new fresh set of acrylic nails. Yes, I wear fake ass nails. I couldn’t grow my natural nails to save my life, so I resort to fake ones. MUCH better then the real thing.
I saved my loot for this one, though, the place that I go is relatively inexpensive and the people are great.
Anyway, that’s more money spent for this wedding (yes Tina, the dress that I have been talking about for about a year now, LMAO) it’s finally just around the corner. I will be a bridesmaid next weekend! My first time too. It’s the one thing that I can do to make self feel a little glamorous, because let’s face it, I am feeling so far gone these days. I feel like a heap of smelly dung that has been sitting in the hot sun for days.
I need a makeover, something. I need to feel human and not like I just pulled my clothes out of a dumpster, and like a second class citizen. I need to majorly get a closet overhaul.
If I could get away with it, I would max the shit out of my credit cards and buy a whole lot of new clothes… but there’s this little thing called a conscience and I will hyperventelate and have a panic attack once I have the bill in my hand – so that’s what keeps me from a spending spree.

Through following links and reading blogs I came across this documentary about the 9/11 attacks. It’s conspiracy theories, but so bone chilling and really creepy.

I was freaked out by Fahrenheit 9/11 and this is kinda similar to that – but it looks at 9/11 as being a government conspiracy and a premeditated attack on its own country. Very creepy.

It’s hard to ignore what information has been presented…. I have for the most part tried to force this horrible act out of my mind…either story of a governement attacking it’s own country and killing it’s own civilians over greed – or another nation attacking out of pure hatred is just too much. It’ too much to try and understand and I don’t think I really want to. I don’t know that I want to know the truth and I don’t think I want to know if there has infact beena cover up of some sort.

Loose Change Video