I have been eating so much the past few days. I have just been gorging myself today out of bordem. I feel sick and disgusted with myself.

I know that I am an emotional eater. I eat when I am happy, sad, bored, mad, angry, livid, etc. ALL the time. Since July I was doing GREAT with Weight Watchers and have lost 15lbs in 2 months - which is sooooo fabulous, then I started eating the week before I returned to work, Weight Watchers went out the window. I know what I am doing and I know that I don’t want to and I know that I shouldn’t, but I do. I tell myself “Don’t eat that” as I pick it up and then “Ah, what the hell” as I put it in. Then I feel like shit after.
I have seriously thought about going and purging. Just bark it all out. But as those people close to me know… I would much rather have explosive diarrhea for a week then throw up once. Ick. I just hate throw up. I hate everything about it. I could NEVER be bulimic, the thought of it gives me shivers; but to have explosive diarrhea… I could handle that. Sick. I know.

So today, I ate breakfast which was decent. One whole egg, back bacon and 2 slices of toast, 1/2 cup of orange juice. Then lunch was ceasar salad.. then down hill from there… about half a bag of ketchup chips, Mike & Ike candies, homemade bread and then dinner; dinner wasn’t that bad because I felt so icky and guilty about tueh binging this afternoon. I had less then 1/2 cup of peas, less then 1/2 cup of basmati rice and honey garlic sausage.

I don’t know what makes me do this to myself. I realized that when I was starting to get compliments on my weight loss I let it go. I’m not sure what the reasoning what for that, but I did. I let it go.
I need that motivation back, I WANT desperately to reach my goal. I am half way there and I can’t give it all up now.

I just NEED that motivation back.