It’s been one of those weeks; you know the one. Where you feel even though you’ve tried to make yourself noticed, you’re a complete wall flower. Where every good deed has gone unnoticed and you’ve shrunk into the background of your own life.

I started blogging for myself; having a captive audience is not what keeps me blogging or got me started in the first place. Even though it’s great to hear from people I have to realize that, like myself, life does get in the way of reading and commenting… but it’s hard to avoid the thoughts of;
“Do people like me?”
“Am I funny?”
“Is anyone even reading this shit?”

I often feel self conscientious; sometimes more then warranted. My body image is slightly askew since I often torment myself with thoughts of a model-like appearance; which just ain’t possible girls. Not with my figure. I have a larger frame which I used to refer to as one of a football player - wide shoulders, and I’ve had a child. I know that’s no excuse for not exercising regularly, but it helps me cope, alright?
I have been blessed with the a muffin top and a flabby belly leaving much to be desired. Nothing will likely cure that except surgery which is somewhere I am not willing to go at this point since more children are likely.

Even though I am more or less outgoing and have a few close friends, days go by where I find myself feeling lonely; and those days are long and hard when I get like this. I find it difficult to break free from the looming thoughts of not being good enough, and I care entirely too much about what people think.
My ass is fat. My stomach’s fat. I need a makeover. I want new clothes. *sigh* It’s a never ending circle of self torment which makes it hard for me to legitimize getting my ass out of sweatpants many days.

So, to revive my spirit and make myself feel a little less frumpy I’ve made myself a hair appointment; the works. Highlights and lowlights, cut and style… should be a small fortune that I don’t really have at this point, but it’s justifiable really. I need to feel pretty again.

*breaking into song* Man, I feeeelll like a woooman!