Spring. That time of year where we anticipate new beginnings, a fresh start, a clean slate. The days are longer, everyone’s (relatively) happier that the cold, dreary days of winter are behind us; and there are signs of life trickling into the streets again.

It’s also, I find, a time to reflect on myself. I always find that spring brings me to where I dredge up old memories of past loves and friendships that have gone awry. It happens every spring; I seem to cogitate past relationships, friends that I’ve grown from.

Do aspects of new friendship emulate past ones? What could I have done differently? Have I changed in how I perceive my friendships? What is so different about Mike that made him the one?

Am I sad to see old friendship fall apart? Yes. Absolutely. Most of them. But I can say that I’ve grown from it; and looking back at some of them, I realize that they should have fell apart long before they actually did. Some boyfriends that I thought were the one, definitely were not; some that I didn’t give much thought to and were just for fun *wink, wink* at the time, just may have been.

I received a wedding announcement the other day from a person that was a big part of my life through elementary school. We were absolutely inseparable; considered ourselves sisters. But throughout the years, we drifted. We had different friends in high school and in our final years, didn’t even talk to each other anymore. Sad. But life. I haven’t spoken to her in about five years. I heard through a mutual friend that she was getting married. I was happy for her, but not like you should be for a girlfriend.
When I saw that marriage announcement I felt worse about how everything had ended between us. She looks great, physically. But there’s something about her face. She looks lost, miserable, changed. Neither of them are smiling and it’s a dreary December day. I hope she’s happier then the image reflects. But will I ever know? Probably not.

It the worst feeling when you just fall out of friendship with someone. It’s not provoked. No fight, no mutual decision not to be friends. Conversations dwindle to the point where they are not your “go to” person anymore and then eventually, you don’t talk at all. You don’t even realize it’s happened until the friendship is so far gone you’re not sure where to pick it up again, or if you should even try.

Life is funny that way.