First beautiful Saturday of the year and what am I doing? Blogging. I am ashamed in myself. Okay, not really, but I should be, so I will say I am since I’m such a conformist people pleaser. There’s been a lot weighing on my mind the past week, resulting in one of the most emotional weeks - worst weeks - at work in a while. Simply put. I am not happy.

The people I work with are, for the most part, fantastic. But my job? There is something seriously lacking. I don’t have the ambition or enjoyment that I once had. I dread every. single. morning. I constantly let other people idiosyncrasies get under my skin.
I can’t brush things off like I used to, they creep under my skin and fester until I burst (ew, gross description). Stupid things that don’t affect me directly, but I get so worked up about how someone else’s manipulation has granted them “special circumstances” (ie: work hours they feel like working while still getting full salary) and someone like me; busting my ass of for years STILL gets no recognition (and paid less then said person). Not even a “well done”. Really irks me.

I want something different. I just don’t know where to start. I don’t know what I would prefer more, if anything. It’s a difficult position, and a huge mental struggle; which has been bringing me down more.

Then the whole thing with Carter’s daycare has played HUGE on my mental state this week. And the guilt. Oh, the guilt. There’s been a temporary fix; people have been talked to, but that trust and comfort I had has dwindled with discomfort setting in, days are difficult.

To top it all off, Mike’s union is in a legal strike position as of Thursday morning - 12:01am. He’s already not getting paid his full pay because he’s in school, which it’s been 5 of the 6 weeks so far, and we’re now feeling it; this strike would do us in. The good news? There was a 98% vote for the strike mandate, so hopefully their unity sends a message that they aren’t backing down, meaning the strike could be very short lived, if it happens at all.

When it rains it pours.

I didn’t even have any damn coffee in the house this morning. I couldn’t concentrate with my body insisting for it’s normal dose of caffeine in the AM. Luckily the drive thru is close and bribing Carter with a Timbit (small donut) allowed for a smooth trip.

I have coffee and Carter is playing (dumping MegaBlocks throughout my kitchen) happily. This I can handle.