June 22nd, 2007
There are things in my life I’ve done that I’m not proud of. At times, I wish I could them expunge from memory; but for action there is a lesson learned and maybe erasing some memories would cause me to forget the subsequent lesson. Maybe erasing said items would result in me becoming a shit flinging delinquent in a tree cursing those who cross my path, so I digress; not really the best laid plan.
But what about erasing evidence of said memories? Throwing out journals, pictures, erasing emails? Is there a point where it’s expected that you throw out past reminders? When you’re in a serious relationship? Marriage? Would one be considered unloving or immersed in the past, that should be long forgotten, should they opt to keep such items that remind them of a certain period or person in their life?
When Mike and I got married, and moved to our new house, that’s when I decided to throw out the trinkets of my past. Letters, some photo, memorabilia of my prior life. The life before marriage, family and stability. I thought that it was excepted of me to let it go. I thought I had a moral obligation to rid our new life of such reminders. I knew that if he found certain letters from past boyfriends or pictures kept, he would begin questioning my dedication to our marriage and my family. That’s just his personality. So, for me, the choice was an easy one. At the time. I knew I had to make the decision I had made, but a part sometimes longs for those reminders I opted to rid my life of. (Seems I’ve been rather nostalgic this week wouldn’t you say?)
What have you done with your love letters, trinkets and memorabilia from before you were with your significant other - or if you’re not with someone now, do you have stuff from previous loves? Has someone found them before and questioned your commitment based on what they had found? Have you kept it a secret from them? Is there a reason it’s secret? But if you’re hiding something, does that mean you should be guilty of something? Why else would it be hidden?
Some thoughts for you to ponder while I spend the next two days trying to recover lost items from my laptop that I desperately need for work. Damn recycling bins should ask: Are you triple sure you double checked and re-checked that you didn’t dump something in here that you really need? Because when I dump this, it’s truly a bitch to try and get it back.
Fuckity-fuck!
Wish me luck!
(Hey! That rhymed!)
You know what, I did do the same thing. I got rid of everything. I guess I wanted to pretend it never happened. That this was the only life I was to lead.
On the other hand, I did find an old love letter from a past girlfriend of my husbands and you know what, it pissed me off. It shouldn’t have. I know it. But it did. I hated it.
LUCK!!!
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:48 pm
Oh, yes.
Shortly after my wife and I got married, she found a bunch of old letters from my Danish flame that I had stashed away in a drawer at my parents’ house. That “Danish Affair” had been a big deal to me when it happened, some two years before meeting my wife. She knew about it, generally.
I remember our anguished conversation that night in my parents’ driveway. Me trying to convince her that it was in the past, her struggling to deal with the passion in those letters. My parents clearly aware of and concerned with their son and daughter-in-law (who they truly did love) fighting out there. I mean, you could have run the house on the emotional energy being expended. It was our first real fight. The first time that we both feared that being friends as well as lovers might not save us. The first time that we ultimately learned not to take each other for granted.
I threw away all that stuff after that. I do think about it, and how it helped define me. I would enjoy looking over it and reminiscing about the person I’ve become and how it was a part of that. But I suppose that since the only person for whom a museum of Tom would hold any interest is me, it’s best that it’s all gone. This far out I don’t even know if I could answer all the questions you pose. I hope you figure out what you need to do.
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Although I am no clutterbug, the past is somethign very meaningful to me. Something to learn from, something to cherish, something to bring up in my mind every once in a while. Okay - alot of while haha. But yes, I have a box filled with letters of when I was growing up. From my friends who moved away. From old boyfriends. Even notes we passed around in high school I kept them ALL!!!! It’s so much fun to re- read them and see how much of a typical teenage girl I was. Keeps me in touch with the phase Paola is going to enter into. Even the love letters are pretty nice to read. I never showed them to Tony but he knows they are there. He’s not the snoopy or the curious type. (And there aren’t many love letters haha - more girlfriend stuff.) I don’t believe in cutting out old boyfriends from pictures, trashing moments in your life that no longer have to do with your old life. We live many lives in our one life here. Accumluated together they make you who you are. Old boyfriends were before the one you are with now. You’re allowed. ;0) It’s all a part of life.
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:43 pm
KAATN and I purged everything. I regret that now - all those pictures, letters, etc. At the time, it was the right thing to do. But the loss of history (recorded anyway) still bothers me.
I found an old note in an old book once, though. Just a note from the Mindfucker telling me he’d be gone for a few hours and he signed it “LYJ” … love you, J.
It freaked me out. Eight years after the fact, too. still freaked me out
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:01 pm
I don’t get rid of things. I pack it away and bring it out sometimes to remind me of how I became who I am today. My mom has the pictures and album of my first wedding, but the pictures of our courtship remain with me. The emotional attachment with the person is gone, but not the emotional attachment with that part of my life still. It still exists and always will. I think that the biggest hurdle anyone will have to cross with me (future relationships) is not the fact that I have pictures/letters from my past; but that I’ve had multiple marriages lol. Plus, I think it will be fun for future generations to find love letters from my high school sweetheart. Anyway, I don’t keep it all; just the fun stuff!
June 24th, 2007 at 10:50 am
I know exactly what you mean. I wish I could have back all the memories I tossed.
June 25th, 2007 at 9:08 am