July 26th, 2007
After last night’s fiasco there are no longer rules of engagement in the House of Me.
I slept in the spare room last night. Took me forever to fall asleep as I plotted his slow and painful demise. This morning, he came in before leaving for work to give me a kiss and say goodbye; I pretended to be sleeping still since I didn’t want to get in a fight just yet. Plus, I hadn’t full developed my plan off attack.
Asshat is going down.
Thirteen Ways I Could Bring Down Manchild.
1. Hot Sauce - even the sight of it can send him running to the washroom, causing stomach cramping and hours on the toilet.
2. Ball Gag and Butt Plug - of course, after I hog tie him like the animal he is.
3. Britney Spears - lock him in a room with her when she’s horny and at her most bat-shit crazy moment.
4. Viper - rent a Viper (the car) for the weekend and not let him near it. This is his dream car people. He’d DIE for a chance to even touch one.
5. XBox 360 - while I have him hog tied and gagged. Smash his XBox in front of him and break each disc in half.
6. Abstain - from sex, with him. Forever.
7. Cats - rescue 9 more cats. Become the crazy cat lady and let them pee on his pillow.
8. Television - sell it. Make sure he’s home when the people come to pick it up.
9. Laundry - turn all his whites pink. Throw away all his clothes and replace with new ones in various shades of pink.
10. Names - ensure that Carter calls him Mommy. All. the. time.
11. Mommy - Start calling him Mommy all the time. Even in public. (Could be a little strange for me though.)
12. Movies - ruin them all. Everything that we watch, ask question incessantly throughout.
13. Boobies - get bigger boobies and NEVER let him near them.
Excellent list!
July 26th, 2007 at 8:48 am
LOL
Great list, my dear!
Happy TT!
July 26th, 2007 at 9:45 am
boobies. i vote for boobies
July 26th, 2007 at 10:10 am
My vote is for Britney Spears and the hot sauce. The combo would be pure torture!
July 26th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Oh, have the fight and get it over with LOL You spending too much precious (sleep) time on it
July 26th, 2007 at 11:11 am
First of all, you have to realize that you’re dealing with the male species here. Read: They are oblivious to their environment. I’d be willing to bet that he doesn’t even realize that you are pissed at him.
Secondly, take pictures. Share the joy. Let us live vicariously through you. We will, as wives and women of the world, be ever so grateful that you will be doing what we, until now, have only dreamed about doing to our own spouses or significant others.
Kick ass!
July 26th, 2007 at 11:45 am
LOL!
Those are some great ones.
Happy TT!
July 26th, 2007 at 12:45 pm
Hysterical! Although, I have to admit #2 scared me a little
I have a special TT today about everything happening on my blog on Saturday for Blogathon 2007! Hope you’ll stop by!
Happy TT!
Jessica The Rock Chick
July 26th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Add a little nair on the buttplug, and you should be golden.
July 26th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
LMAO! I love the calling him Mommy in public!
July 26th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
The Google traffic you’re going to get off of this post…
July 26th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Maybe you could sneak in the bathroom while he is taking his shower, wait until he turns the water off and then dump a bottle of tomato juice over his head? Or you could just catch a skunk and let it loose in his car.
July 26th, 2007 at 5:25 pm
You scare me…..Alexis is no longer allowed to read your blog for the ideas she might get
July 26th, 2007 at 7:50 pm