August 14th, 2007
I am Sam, and I am a recovered message board junkie.
In 2003, I stumbled upon a pets message board (the time that I actually felt as though I loved my pets as children) looking for some information about pit bulls and dog parks. Then I was hooked. That board became like crack to an addict. I was constantly there, reading, commenting, involving myself in ongoing drama. After two years and many fights, trolls and un-needed or unwarranted stress, I left. I found a new community, one I thought to be more of a community.
Mike and I had started talking about a family, so I found a mom’s board. Once I was able to infiltrate the main clique it was fun, entertaining and I was laughing again.
I found that the stresses I had caused in my own life, the anger I left towards the people on the pet board, the unknowing people with sick animals, the trolls, etc. was carried with me off the boards and embedded itself into my personal life, but those feelings slowly diminished as I warmed up to my new community.
But the honeymoon was over just as quick as it started once the onslaught of character assassinations, lying and unjust claims of fraud and thievery began. I was truly shocked and completely disheartened seeing grown women attack and destroy each other as callously as they did.
And, once again, the stress was back. I was carrying around this weight of burden. Burden from the heartache that was caused to people I considered friends. To people that I would have befriended, helped and did help in real life. It got to the point where there was so much lying and backstabbing I was unable to separate the anger I felt towards the boards and my real life. I was just angry all the time; and as much as I LOVE gossip and drama, the pain and stress caused it just not as much fun.
The bickering and arguing over mundane issues, the close mindedness, the childish antic, the racism and prejudiced behaviour opened my eyes to a world I was not wanting to associate myself with. Reading what some people had to say made me disgusted and appalled to be human. To consider myself equal to some of these people. I began to question who I could trust resulting in slowly weaning myself from the boards all together.
But! Only in the past couple days have I completely realized the boards themselves don’t bring out this behaviour, but the people at the other end harbour this resentment and hatred. Many only able to release it since there is no face or body attached to the character they are assassinating; there is no human hurt by their behaviour because it’s only a computer. I guarantee, if one were to meet said attacker face to face, they wouldn’t have the balls to say half the hateful things they can type.
When are people going to own up to the fact that their actions speak louder then words? Be it in real life, or on the computer. Your words express far more about you then meeting in real life ever could. You’re conveying your character by means of words and actions instead of your materialistic being. Nothing says more about the person you are then those words you so callously and thoughtlessly type. Nothing.
Sure there’s drama in the blogosphere. There are hurt feelings, cliques, liars, hatred, prejudice and racism… but there is even more creativity, inspiration, love, and baring of true feelings.
My stress has gone, and my blogging has brought back my love for reading and writing; it’s brought back my creativity (or helped me express my lack there of) and love for people.
I can happily say I’ve been message-board-drama-free for a year now and I can’t believe how freeing and refreshing it’s been.
Your turn to share!
Were you ever (or are you still) a message board junkie? Tell me all the stories!!
So I was never all that into message boards. But, my friend was. Here’s where it gets messy.
My friend used a pseudonym (like most people) and was on the boards. Her friend also did.
Somehow my friend figured out her friend’s nickname.
But my friend’s friend started sharing some personal stories that my friend had told her. And then she started being really critical and it turned into “the friend who I actually can’t stand …”
It was pretty messy.
And, the thing is - my friend isn’t sure if this woman really felt this way about her or if she just got really carried away talking about her.
In the end their friendship was ruined.
Confusing, but I think I got it. LOL
Yeah, aways messy I think. And people take advantage of the fact that they use pseudonyms thinking that everything will always be private. Nothing is EVER.
Sad lesson to be learned.
August 14th, 2007 at 9:12 am
I’m most definitely a message board junky. I found it when I was pregnant with my first child. We’ve had our share of drama and trolls too. Now our board is completely private. We’re in a pretty drama-free state at the moment. Membership is by invitation only. I figure I’ll be friends with these women for many years to come. I’ve met several of them IRL.
August 14th, 2007 at 9:54 am
i was really active on emily’s march 2001 birth board on babycenter. it was a small group - but we all got along really well. then i became active on josh’s nov. 2002 one - much, much bigger group - lots more drama. and then i poked a little in isabella’s august 2005 one. as my kids got older, i think i had less pressing issues and not enough time to be as active as i’d wanted to…plus blogging took the place of it.
i did meet some people on them that i’m still in touch with - other bloggers - aimee @ greeblemonkey and becca @ dasbecca etc. and other moms who i just “connected” with
I still am in contact with a few people I’ve met on message boards. It really wasn’t a total lose because I’ve still got these wonderful ladies who I blog with regularly now. We’ve FINALLY had a chance to get to know each other better since there’s no drama involved anymore, and I’m so grateful for that!/p>
August 14th, 2007 at 10:04 am
Sounds horrible. Funny how people can be such asshats when they can’t see the person on the other end of their attacks.
Looks like we are both breaking an addiction - mine to the blogosphere (oh, right, I guess I should get off the computer now…) and you to message boards. Best of luck kicking the habit.
August 14th, 2007 at 10:36 am
well, I have never been a messege board junkie…
but I guess I can safely say that the people you meet online are no different than in person. Some are genuine…some are not. It doesnt take a computer to figure it out. Some people are just plain miserable, mean spirited and love inflicting torment in other peoples lives…..its sad actually. They themselves are probably very unhappy people.
Then there are the people who are just looking for some sort of connection to what REALLY goes on in life.
When I first started blogging I thought - these people are just freaks and I didnt really think I would like it. But I have made some awesome connections with people that really surprised me that I would have NEVER known if I wasnt blogging. Ive met some in real life and look forward to meeting others.
It surprised me. I am usually VERY cautious when I first meet people and find it VERY hard to trust. But I have to say that if I didnt take a chance that I would have never met these people.
You know whats right for yourself!!! Trust your judgement…..dont let people bring you down and for the ones who just like to cause trouble - dont stoop to their level!!!
Hang on to the ones that you value!!!!!
Weird as it is.. I found blogging really freaky at first. I mean, a WHOLE website dedicated to just talking about yourself? It took a bit for me to get into it and really start talking about ME more. LOL
August 14th, 2007 at 11:53 am
I’m happy to say that I’ve never experienced that kind of stuff.
I hate it when people hide behind their keyboards. If I read something I don’t like, or don’t agree with, I simply move on. It’s pretty easy. Click and split
August 14th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
I tried message-boarding once when I was obsessed with happiness over The Bachelor (the Firestone one - Andrew?). But I wasn’t cool enough and couldn’t get anyone to respond to my comments. That was it for me. And I’m also very sorry to even admit the topic that initiated my trial-message-board experience. I apologize for being so lame.
I love the blog world, though. The openness, the vulnerability! And all the mommy’s cursing and stuff? Awesomeness.
I remember Andrew Firestone. He was a big ass wasn’t he? LOL @ your lameness, that’s friggin’ funny!!!
August 14th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
I’ve never really been a message board junkie, but there was a time when I was a chatroom junkie on AOL…way back in the day. 10/12 years ago. I can absolutely relate to the carry-over of all the drama/feelings/anger/sadness into your personal life. I think that all that drama led to the resentment and doubt I have towards the general population now. People as a whole can just be horrible…add the fuel of anonymity over the computer and you get a bunch of schmucks with diarrhea of the mouth and brain drought doing their damndest to hurt anyone in their path. Probably the reason why the people I adore are on my short list.
Don’t worry, you’re sittin’ pretty, Pee Sizzle.
LMAO Mia, you’re freakin’ funny!
August 14th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
I briefly skirted around the edges of message boards at a time when I was searching for support for my disabled son. But a few days of silently lurking had me screaming for cover and I never went back.
I shun them like I shun small pox.
But I’m glad you’ve recovered from your addiction. And now you have me…
Bwhahahaaahahahaha
I think you’re just as bad as a message board, but sweeter. I can’t get enough of my Redneck.
Gee yer so purty.
August 14th, 2007 at 2:29 pm
I never have liked message boards much. My playgroup had a message board, but it was chock full of drama.
I much prefer blogging!
Ah, blogging is mah fav too. I couldn’t go back to a message board now… unless it was to dump links to my blog everywhere… Muwhahahaha!
August 14th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
You mean pet owners are just as crazy as mommyboard participants?? I’d never have guessed it. I have been part of a couple boards, one I finally deleted my membership because it got so ugly. Rumour has it that it imploded on itself because the owner was so power hungry.
I like blogging much better, even the negative commentors …..
Negative commenters in blogs are MUCH better! You can erase them if you see fit!
August 14th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
I started out on the Knot (aka drama central) back in the day, and then migrated to an MSN board when the trolling and the ridiculousness got out of hand.
Then that MSN board went up in troll-fueled flames, and I migrated to a second spinoff board with a much smaller group of ex-Knot friends.
Years later, we’re still on our private board. Although we’ve had some INTENSE fights and a few dramatic and painful departures, I’m still pretty stuck on the board.
Even with a place where I made real, lifelong friends with lots of kickass women, I’ve had to learn not to let the drama get to me at times. It’s been a challenge, but worth it. Definitely worth it.
Our board is much quieter now, and–not coincidentally–a lot of us have turned to blogging, but I think I’ll always have a place in my heart for the board.
And I’m sure I’ll hit babycenter once it’s my turn to have a kid. Guess I never learn
It seems it really doesn’t matter what kinda message board; there’s always some kinda drama or trolls.
August 14th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I’ve only contributed to a few message boards and fortunately I never saw anything as awful as you have. I wouldn’t be able to cope with it either. Unfortunately there are people who get off on causing strife. I’ll stick to blogging.
Oh, you wouldn’t want to see HALF of what I was part of on those boards. It just got to be TOO much!
August 14th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Huh. I’ve never used a message board. Maybe thats a good thing?
Lucky you. Ya, it’s a good thing. I never thought I would have such negative thoughts to it… and now I cringe when I think about going to one again. LOL
August 14th, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Being there with you on that 2nd board I know and understand everything you just said. Fabulous blog btw. I stayed longer then you. Was I one of the cliques? Well I never meant to be a clique but after a long time on these boards, when you actually get to know people, you tend to “want” to talk to the ones you actually “click” with more. I think that is natural. I did tend to like the Canadians more, and the Democratically inclined Americans more. Just because under that title - there were so many other topics we tended to agree on as well. Hot topics. Like abortion. Like stem cell research….the topics that create HUGE fights, like the iraq war - 9/11. Thats where you saw alot of the drama. And it’s true…people online are more apt to say things they normally would NEVER have the guts to say in real life. (not me though haha…)
It’s like when my husband gives somebody the finger from behind the wheel. He would NEVER treat somebody like that face to face hahah but in the car…it’s like this other little world where the worst comes out in us. I think message boards do that. But I made some great friends from those boards…you, Shawna, and Thelma - who has always been very nice and sweet and kept in touch with me. So that’s something. A big something I got out of them.
But all in all I do agree that this is much better much much better. Healthier.
Those Hot Topics would have been worth a debate had some of the people had decent arguments rather then “you’re not American so shut up!”
Hahahaha @ your husband. That’s FUNNY!
August 14th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
p.s. No more message boards for me.
August 14th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Message boards were fine with me until the end…it all just fell apart; friends I had made outside of Admin were being questioned; I was being questioned outside of Admin; Admin was questioning various members–honestly it became a jumblefuck as my husband would say.
The only cliche I felt I was a part of was Admin, so I missed out on a lot of what you all felt and saw, but that is me–nose in the air and totally oblivious LOL When I became friends with Tina and a few others outside of Admin a whole new world was opened to me and I saw so muchmore of the boards that I hadn’t seen before; I saw other Moderator in a completely new light that just blew me away; I heard things outside of Admin that were only to be talked about inside of Admin and my trust was COMPLETELY GONE!!!!
The people I had trusted I no longer trusted, the people I had been lead to believe not to trust were the ones who ended up being truthworthy and reliable.
No. I declined two Moderation positions since THAT board closed down and I have no intention of ever being part of another board…any board…blogging works best for me, even with its spies….I mean flaws
Yeah, I think the worst thing is sitting outside your little group and looking in. Seeing people you thought our cared about in a different light can be shocking and a horrible feeling.
Blogging is so much better and MUCH healthier!
August 15th, 2007 at 1:28 am
I have never been to a message board.
I started blogging January 2005 & it does the trick for me. I spend too much time blogging & reading blogs….I don’t need to find more ways to mindlessly spend my time:)
Not that reading your blog is mindless….oh you know what I mean.
**Mackey sneaking away now**
I am mindless reading sometimes (usually), I don’t take offense!
August 15th, 2007 at 3:01 am
I first found messageboards when i was trying to concieve our first child. I was also a moderator on two boards, one of which being the playgroup for my twins. This was an amazing board to be a part of. The women were drama free, we all got along well…there were never any bumps in the road. Fast forward to about a year ago now when i was sent the link to a off site board that was supposed to be private but actually wasn’t. It had been started about 8 mos before i was sent the link. It was made up of a bunch of the women from the playgroup and they used it as a stomping ground to talk badly about the other moms in the playgroup. There were literaly thousands of posts about me and my family, where they made disparging remarks about me, my children. Going so far as to say that the delays my one twin had were not real and i was just making them up for attention. Talk about opening my eyes up. The day after i outed their board they made a new one and made sure to make it private. I tried to stay around on the board as the remaining women i was close to, but the safety i felt was gone. Its a shame grown women have to be so very catty
OMG. That has to be one of the WORST experience ever. I am so sorry! That’s absolutely HORRIBLE and so petty.
August 15th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Just after I got pregnant with Julia I joined a “new mommies” message board. I stayed with that board right up until last fall, when it was discovered that several of the ‘ladies’ (and I use that term loosely) had formed a new message board and were busy gossiping like high school girls about other members of the board. Their big mistake was that they made their “private” board public, and it was discovered. It was really quite sad; the group of women who were on that board had really gotten tight over the years and these women who went off on their own continued to post on the ‘main’ board for months. Nobody knew about their board until it was discovered and they said some really, really hurtful things about the other women.
That was it for me. I turned by back and have never looked over my shoulder. I have no need for that bullshit in my life.
Sounds like the same board that Geena mentioned in her comment!
That’s so friggin’ bad. I loathe people like that.
August 15th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
I am certain that that kind of thing is more common then one thinks.
I am certain you’re right my dear Tina. *Smooches*
August 16th, 2007 at 7:46 pm