Hey hey y’all! I survived the 26 hours it took us to arrive, but we’re here, safe and sound in Myrtle Beach. No one was dismembered and no fights. Bonus! Yes, 26 with a stop over in West Virginia for the night.

Carter was BEYOND amazing in the car. I can’t believe how well behaved he was. Minimal screaming and whining and the DVD played was a complete life saver for most of the drive. If I ever met the inventor of the portable DVD player, I would totally dry hump their leg. Hard.

There wasn’t one conversation pertaining to anything of any significance, which was totally GREAT! There are two weeks and a car ride returning to Canada, so it remains to be seen if this will be a parently advice-free vacation.

Now, I’ve usually been really good with self-grooming and maintenance with shaving etc. but I’ve been quite lax as of late and needed to shave badly before baring too much in a bathing suit for the next couple weeks. This morning, as I was doing some housekeeping “down there” for preparation of that swim suit I’ve been avoiding very well this season.

Instead of shaving, I picked up some wax strips for bikini area, thinking that I would save myself some time and effort if I didn’t have to worry about shaving daily and dealing with razor rash. I planned to try them out this morning as my parents occupied Carter. Why I didn’t try them prior to coming here, I don’t know.
As I finished up in the shower, I took out the strips, read the instructions and figured that it was a no brainer. I could do this: apply the strip, pull it, and Viola!

Except. There was no Viola!

I put on the strip, and pulled it off. But, half stayed on. No hair removed, it was still all intact, now coated with a nice light blue strip of wax. WTF?!

Stupidly, I grabbed a couple Kleenex and tried to wipe it off. Fuck! Why didn’t I just look for a pile of feathers to throw on it?

You know, as soon as I pulled off HALF of the wax, I thought of that email: One Woman’s Tale of Woe. You know, that email of the waxing nightmare? (If you’re unfamiliar: Read it. Totally worth it.)

As I hopped back into the shower to try and wash off the remaining wax I feared having to take Carter to the water with either a huge bruised cootch or a sticky BLUE waxed bikini line that trapped all the sand, any bugs, shells or small children in the area.

As I scrubbed and scrubbed the blue wax from my upper thigh, every conceivable thing that could go wrong went through my mind. What the hell was I going to do with a big blue cootch and how the hell long was this going to stay!? OMG. I have a BLUE cooter!!!

I wasn’t able to remove the wax with a wash cloth, nor body wash. Carter’s baby wash couldn’t lift it: then I thought about trying to shave it off. Bad. Idea. It did nothing but gum up the razor causing the rest of the shaving endeavor to be spotty and inconsistent.

Once I finally was willing to accept the fact, that I’d have a blue bird for at least the day. Maybe I could avoid swimming today? Unlikely.

But! Praise Sweet Jeebus for suntan lotion because my wonderful Banana Boat was able to remove the remainder of the wax. I have a wax-free bird. I don’t know how, but I know that I totally love Banana Boat. I may even sleep with it tonight.

I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier to see the hair on my cooter attached.

My PSA: Practice, practice, practice. Don’t show up, ready for the beach and decide THAT’s a good time to learn how to wax your lady bits, for the first time.