Hi! I’m Laural from The Misadventures of (Mommy) Laural, and I’ll be blogsitting for Sam today. Luckily she gave me several days to think about what I was going to say, because a) I have never done this before and b) Sam’s blog is very different than mine. Her only guideline was that no asterisks were allowed, and one of my rules is no swearing allowed…

You can see my angst.

But, I’ve decided that blogsitting is an awful lot like house-sitting. And, so I got thinking about what it would be like to visit Sam’s house. I’m guessing that she’s the kind of person who would leave the cupboard full of yummy food, tell me to help myself and enjoy my visit.

So, here I am, feet up, sitting on my couch and enjoying my visit to Sam’s place (eating Hallowe’en candy) and I am ready and willing to discuss the one issue I’ve been thinking about for awhile … POOP – I’m sorry Sam …. Shit!

Here’s the thing. I’m a mom to a 3-year-old and poop has been on my mind a lot lately. Matt has been a trooper as we’ve been toilet training and have given up the diapers. And the occasional accident doesn’t really bug me – as long as it’s pee.

The poo does me in.

But I deal. Because he’s my child. And I love him. He also has a slight aversion to flushing the toilet. And, there’s something pretty gross about walking to the bathroom and seeing a fresh turd sitting waiting to be flushed.

But still I deal. Because I love him.

And we push on and I’m hoping by the ripe old age of 4 he’ll know that poop is private and you flush it.

The thing is … apparently some people never learned that. These people I’m referring to are the people I work with.

Up until April I used to work on my company’s “executive floor” where I rubbed shoulders with the CEO and senior staff. Some may call that a perk. It was fine. But, what I appreciated more was the fact that the toilets on that floor were self-flushing. I never gave a second thought to my co-workers’ bowel movements. But then I moved to a new floor. With new bathrooms. THEY ARE NOT SELF FLUSHING!!!!

Do you know what this means???? Nothing you say? That is because you are normal, and you flush. Apparently for my co-workers it means we do not flush. And I walk in to a floater at least once a day.

At first I thought this was just a mistake. But, it kept happening.

And you know what else I noticed? As another group of co-workers moved to a new location that renovated with, you guessed it, self-flushing toilets, the floaters became a bigger issue. Multiple times a day I walk into a bathroom and I see more poo.

It’s like someone is using their bowel movements to say Fuck You to our management who have not yet deigned to equip our floor with self flushing toilets. Yes, we have great vacation days, fair salaries, and a pleasant work environment, but the flushing capabilities of our toilets are causing people to revolt.

It’s bizarre. And nauseating. Especially nauseating since for the last 3 months I’ve been hiding my pregnancy and occasionally I have morning sickness. And, let’s be honest, when you’re going to puke you’ve gotta move fast and the last thing you want to burst into is an unflushed toilet.

But, I’m not about to take this sitting down (hee hee) so I decided to figure out the pooping bandit. For the last week I’ve been stalking the bathroom frequently. Now that I’ve come out with my pregnancy, no one thinks twice about me running to the bathroom frequently. And, let’s be honest, while stalking the pooper I do take the time to pee because I usually need to.

And then the other day I thought I found her. It was someone I’d never seen. I walked in, right into a stall (that I thought she’d walked out of) and there was that characteristic floater.

Aha! I thought. I ran out of that stall and said “I think you forgot to flush.” She started to laugh. And admitted it wasn’t her, but added that she has a tendency to visit our floor’s bathroom because it’s even worse on her floor. The reason - she’s convinced it’s because half of her colleagues got moved to the new area that was renovated with the self flushing toilets. As she said, “there’s less people but more messes. WHY?”

Why indeed? I tried to convince her to join my hunt for the poopers, but she mumbles something and walked away. I hope I don’t bump into her again.

So, I decided to give up my quest. It is a little weird to ask people if they are flushing.

So, I did the only thing that I could actually do. I found out who is responsible for the building renovations (which we are undergoing) and I’ve made my suggestion – auto flush toilets for all! Sure there are many many ways to make a difference in this world. And, someday, somehow I will. But for today, and just for today, I’m out to change my workplace one turd at a time.

And, until I sort out this issue and our toilets are self flushing, I’m going back to the executive floor to pee. Afterall, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and I have had it woth my co-workers’ shit.