I’m in a funk these days. Winter weather is approaching, there’s little sunlight and I am trapped in an office with little to do. Even make work is unbearably tedious these days, and morning sickness only adds to the funk. Even though fall is one of my most favourite seasons, it seems to always get me down. Shorter daylight hours, the trees seems to be dying a slow death while the air is cooler and uninviting.

It could also be the hormones. They are seeping away any spunk I had left; draining me of creativity and slowly inhibiting me from enjoying the cooler weather before the snow settles, enjoying life. My family notices, friends can only hear so much before I feel guilty and I struggle with it every second of the day. I’m still taking anti-depressants (which are safe for pregnancy) but I’m unsure if increasing the dosage would be helpful. I’d rather slowly stop taking them then live in a state of semi-consciousness overdosed on pills.

This funk stinks.

I remember a time when I would get like this, when I was younger; I would surround myself with friends, talk, walk, eat and laugh. It always helped. But friends have their own lives now, as do I. Friends live farther and farther away, they have family and careers which can’t be walked away from at the drop of a hat like it used to be. I can’t hide away in my room with my music blaring while I lay still, taking it all in.

I now have commitments, a toddler, a fetus, a husband, a house and a job or two. I can’t hide from them.

I have a gift certificate I’ve been holding on to. A spa day which was a gift from work a few months back. It may be time to cash that baby in from some me time. A haircut, massage, pedicure. Maybe it will wash some funk off.