I am happier then a pig in shit that NaBloPoMo is on it’s last leg day. Yeah, I said it. Whatcha gonna do about it?
Sure, it’s a little challenging and even a little tedious at times – like weekends – but it’s suppose to be. It’s purpose is to encourage us bloggers to think outside or little boxes and write religiously about anything and everything that comes to mind; a chance to share our poetic abilities, rants and raves as well as some well thought out and deep seeded emotions that we’ve been dying to express. November is that time of year where we throw out hats into the wind and blog like the dickens.
I, for one, am never haphazardly throwing my hat into that wind ever again. Before you call me a wimp and tell me that I am a party pooper, hear me out.
NaBloPoMo is to blogging like Dennis Rodman is to celebrity (So it’s not the best analogy… work with me here.): a huge freak that causes nothing but blank looks and the inability to think clearly.
Dude’s wearing a ladies bikini top
NaBloPoMo clutters the mind of an otherwise intelligent blogger (I’m not talking about me) and encourages them to mass produce shitty posts with no merit or reason. The content this past month was – dare I say it – lacking throughout most of Teh Internetz, and many didn’t have the excuse of having their heads perpetually hanging over the opening of the Gates of Hell (aka: The Toilet.) like me and some other ladies.
[But, no, not You. You were fabulous as always.]
NaBloMoPo removes many bloggers from their normally effectual posting, be it daily or weekly, into this realm of having to post regardless of there actually being some merit to what they have to say.
[But, no, not You. You were fabulous as always.]
The sense of community was completely lost as a collective group just randomly hit “Mark All As Read”, skipping past entires they normally would have taken time to read. Because of the daunting numbers they were faced with while opening feed readers, there was, in turn, a lack of anyone clicking through and actually taking time to contribute. I for one spent a lot of time trying to skim my way through feeds to pick out what I wanted to read rather then tackling the entire site’s feed, then to click over and comment: I know I’m not alone either.
[But, no, not You. You were fabulous as always so I had to stay and read.]
I know, you’re thinking: But tell me how you REALLY feel.
I feel like her. In fact. I heart her so bad I’d dry hump her leg if she wasn’t like, an ENTIRE country away from me.
Next year, I say Fuck NO! to NaBloPoMo and instead of fretting over getting a post done in time, I’m going to read and enjoy what you have to say.
So, I pray to Baby Jesus that you say Fuck NO! to NaBloPoMo too, because I don’t know if I could handle another month of reading all that shit those posts clogging up my feed reader.
Was this your first time contributing? Did you enjoy it (if you’re new or have done it before, doesn’t matter), would you do it again? Did you feel the sense of community to be lost in the jumble of posts as well?
:::
Edited to add: For some reason it’s taking my comment notification emails upwards of 20 HOURS to come through… so I’m trying to pay attention to the comments coming through and responding to them on the blog instead of the emails I would normally send.
I was so proud of myself for weeding out the HTML and cleaning the CSS to speed up my site a little that I forgot to check if my work had affected the different anal browsers. And you lovely readers sat by and watched the horror show; didn’t even mention that my blog what completely and utterly broken! God love ya.
Now I know who I can count on when I have a fuckin’ toilet paper trail stuck to my shoe.
Can we talk about these browsers for a moment? I was once a loyal user of Internet Explorer (IE), but once I started blogging – and then shortly after, designing – I learned the complications and troubles that IE possess. It’s a load a craptacular crap people. There are better, more sophisticated browsers which give you so many wonderful options and plugins that it actually can make surfing the internet fun again!
I am happy to say that only 49% of the hits to my site come from IE users. Even though it’s still too many, it’s gone down.
[But! I still love you IE users! Consider this a PSA for better internet browsing, dedicated to you!]
When designing, I have to implement different style codes specifically for Internet Explorer because it has it’s own warped little world where it just feels like it doesn’t have to conform to the rest of the internet. It’s frustrating, time consuming and really makes me want to hurt someone. And I know you’re not designing, so it really doesn’t matter to you what extra work it creates for us that do. Just providing a little insight is all.
Consider the change. Even if you just try FireFox for like, one day and then erase it from your computer… at least you have made a more educated decision to stick with that fuckin’ piece of shit Internet Explorer rather then just using it because it was there when you bought the computer.
*End of my PSA / rant.
:::
I am driving a rental car this morning. My engine light came on after a day of chugging like the car wasn’t getting enough air and then my remote start crapped out. I really hope it’s covered under warranty, but I’m not counting on it. Now, every last cent I had for Christmas shopping has gone into this car over the past 2 weeks. Always this time of year too, isn’t it? It seems that every time there is a holiday or a large expenditure coming up (like vacation), something else happens, causing more spending…
Cars suck.
We should all have Big Wheels instead. Imagine the road rage with those puppies.
Get this. He told me that he lied because he wanted to see how long it would take before I’d go snooping in the online banking to find out the truth.
I think I sprained my jaw when it hit the ground.
He’s a fuckin’ piece of work that one. There HAD to be a Stupid Tax leveed on that purchase. I mean, What. The. Fuck!?
I need your input on this one….Can it be considered snooping when the purchase came out of our JOINT ACCOUNT that I check the balance of regularly, since I am the one that pays all our bills?
I’ve spent the last few hours cleaning up HTML tags and Tidying my CSS (all computer related mumbo jumbo for those who ain’t so tech savvy) in hopes that it would speed up things around here.
I flip flopped about turning on the spam genius, Akismet – whom most Wordpress users live by – and decided: what the hell, if anything it may keep the bots at bay.
… and if they’re not. They will be when I take a blowtorch to them. While he’s still wearing them.
I don’t know what it is about men. Maybe not all men, but definitely MY man. (Is it bad that I just cringed as I wrote that?) He has this inept ability to tell me the truth about certain things. He will lie about the stupidest things: Things that drive me bat shit crazy when I find out that he lied about it or covered it up. Yet, when it comes to something very important, he has no trouble telling me the truth, even knowing how upset I would be about it.
Over the past seven years there have been so many untruths about the weirdest things, I can’t even name them all, and they all seem to stem from money. There’s video games that he lies about the cost – then I find the receipt. There’s been Playboy magazines that I find hidden in the weirdest locations – like two nights ago, one was stashed in a box of Toddler clothes in the basement.
[For the record, he knows that I really am not offended by the magazines. But! What pisses me off to the point I want to hurt someone is the fact that they are hidden around my house!]
Then yesterday came another. He bought some more ram for the computer. Fine, because, Hell: I benefit from that too, right? I wasn’t mad, there was no bickering. He just outright told me that 1GB as on sale for $30 and on we went with our day.
Until I checked the bank account balance this morning and came across his purchase for nearly three TIMES that amount. Why lie about that? Seriously. So I called him and asked to confirm the cost.
Me: Hey, how was your drive in this morning?
Him: Fine. The roads weren’t that bad.
[See how I snuck in the small talk before going for the kill? I'm semi-pro.]
Me: So, how was your game last night, now that you got that new ram?
[New game being World of Warcraft. That's another post all on it's own.]
Him: So much faster. It’s great.
Me: That’s great that you were able to find a gig for 30 bucks!
Him: No. 60 bucks.
Me: Oh, I thought you said 30.
[Keep in mind. I've seen the bank statement at this point.]
Him: Oh, yeah, it was on sale. Last week.
Me: Oh, so you missed the sale and paid full price for it?
Him: Yeah.
Me: So why was the total 90 bucks?
Him: Well, I bought that can of air too.
[Apparently, he doesn't have a knack for fast calculations in his mind.]
Me: Wow, 30 bucks for a can of air? I could have brought you one home for about 20 times LESS then that.
Him: Well. Taxes too.
Me: Uh huh.
[Maybe there's a Stupid Tax that I don't know about.]
At that point I had enough so I hung up.
It’s enough that he was caught in a lie, but then not even to own up to it. All I can do is shake my head.
Are they programmed to think that it’s acceptable? Do they think that we don’t get it? How dumb do men think us women really are?
:::
P.S. I know you’re there. I see you in my stat meters… yet comments seem to be very dismal lately. I know the content has been lacking more then usual and that’s my bad. But how come some sites that have horrible content still manage to pull in 20+ comments and I’m at about 10 times less. I don’t get it. *pout* Just call me HORMONAL!
I know it’s been a few years since I’ve sent you a letter. I can tell you that I’ve been very busy and awfully good; I’m just sorry it’s taken so long since my last letter. I hope you, Mrs. Claus, the elves and all the reindeer are doing well.
But, enough with the small talk, let’s get down to business, shall we?
My Christmas Wish List:
A well fitting bra that holds The Girls in place – high and proud. No underwire to protrude into my chest, or my armpits and maybe even has the ability to transform The Girls into luscious and full boobies rather then oranges hanging out in the bottom of nylons.
Bladder control – not in the form of Depends undergarments either. I mean, the honest to God ability to hold in my own urine while sneezing, laughing, coughing, and throwing up. There is nothing more demoralizing for a young woman than being perched in front of The Porcelain God, spewing forth all one’s eaten throughout the day while having the complete and utter inability to not pee her pants. Not to mention how mortifying it is see the look on her husband’s face when he sees her grey jogging pants, urine soaked.
A Spa Day. A day to clean up the past three months of neglect I have bestowed upon my body. Eye brow waxing, a cut color and style, a manicure and pedicure as well as a GREAT massage complete with NO guilt.
A HUGE supply of soother and sippy cups. I can’t believe how fast those things disappear – and at the most inopportune times.
I would also appreciate immunity from poo diapers. I believe it’s only fair that Mom’s have done all the hard work of growing and nurturing, then pushing a child into this world, we should be immune to changing shit filled diaper.
Please tell me why the slowest most incompetent people seem to work in fast food. Explain it; because after all these years I am still baffled by the number of orders mixed up, the slow service and incompetence of many of the employees.
People, it’s not hard to build a burger, put it in a bag with some fries and press the damn button for some pop. It even has PICTURES to help you out!
At the local fast food joint today:
Man orders a hamburger combo and would like cheese added to it.
Lady making burger misunderstood THREE times that the gentleman would like all the regular toppings AND cheese.
Man: Classic combo with cheese, french fries and a coke.
Lady: Cheese?
Man: Yes, with cheese.
Lady: Only cheese?
Man: No, cheese as well as regular toppings.
Lady: plain with cheese?
Man (looking around store – I presume for the hidden camera): No. The classic hamburger, with all the toppings, and cheese on top of that.
Lady: That costs more.
Man: I’m aware of that, please… the hamburger.
Lady: Just the hamburger?
Man: No. The whole combo. Hamburger. Fries. And pop.
Thank God I had another server or I would have ran out of there screaming like my hair was on fire.
so I won’t tell you that I feel better. I won’t say that some days are still crappy and others I feel like I’m 110% human again.
I won’t mention anything about not having to throw up or the fact that I may have even had dinner three consecutive nights.
I wouldn’t want to ruin the off chance that morning sickness is slowly moving out of town by telling you that I cleaned my kitchen from top to bottom, even scrubbing the finger prints off the kitchen chairs.
Nope. Not me.
I’d never be able to live with myself had I mentioned all that and found myself praying to The Porcelain God once again this evening.
I’m just saying.
By the way, this US Turkey Holiday? Seriously why don’t y’all just take the entire week off? Four day weekends? Pftttt.
And I wanted to apologize once again for being such a horrible blog citizen these past oh, I dunno, 14 weeks. I haven’t been commenting at all nor paying much attention to comments here. I really enjoyed responding to all your comments through email and on the site, so I WILL get back to it soon. Swear. And my commenting on your site? Will start again SOON! Just know that I am reading!
Just waiting for that unmentionable sickness to take a hint and realize it’s not welcome here.
Carter has an obsession. It came on suddenly and with vengeance. Sure he’s had strong liking for Dora and Diego before, but this is MORE then that. This car, Lightning McQueen, now rules the roost.
[For those unfamiliar with McQueen, he's the lead character of the Disney Pixar movie Cars. ]
I mean, sure the movie’s cute and fun, even for adults, but when it comes to watching it over and over Every. Single. Night. after dinner, it’s a little much. I swear on Baby Jesus I’ve seen the movie more in the past 2 months then I’ve seen Anything! in my life. Being couch ridden in the evening has no helped my plight; I’m trapped!
After dinner each night Carter washes his hands and asks politely, “Wah McKeen?” (Watch McQueen) repeatedly until he gets the answer he so desires.
Ignore him and the questions come as one long string: “WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?WahMcKeen?”
If I’m holding him in my arms when he finally senses that I’m ignoring his question he will softly hold my face in his hands while contorting his head to look me in the eyes and say:
A trip to Costco this week, for new tires, resulted in a complete and utter melt down in the toy aisle because I failed to scour the store for any Christmas toys of this fair automobile.
There he was, gleaming in his nice crisp windowed box, a remote control McQueen. Carter was all over that shit like a fat kid on a Smartie. Attempting to pull McQueen into his tiny, yet ruthless grasp, he nearly toppled the entire display.
While he jumped up and down pointing and screeching “McKeen! McKenn! McKeen!”everyone smiled as they passed. But! Once I had enough of standing in the aisle pretending to be as excited as the little ankle biter, all HELL broke loose. As the tears trickled down his face, the customers smiles faded and were replaced with looks of horror. The aisle cleared faster then a public washroom after someone drops a deuce.
Where was his father you’re wondering? Well, in the car and tool aisle of course.
Funny how everyone LOVES your kid until they have a meltdown.
Seriously? Do they have a support group for these obsessed little toddlers?
