November 27th, 2007
Dear Santa;
I know it’s been a few years since I’ve sent you a letter. I can tell you that I’ve been very busy and awfully good; I’m just sorry it’s taken so long since my last letter. I hope you, Mrs. Claus, the elves and all the reindeer are doing well.
But, enough with the small talk, let’s get down to business, shall we?
My Christmas Wish List:
- A well fitting bra that holds The Girls in place - high and proud. No underwire to protrude into my chest, or my armpits and maybe even has the ability to transform The Girls into luscious and full boobies rather then oranges hanging out in the bottom of nylons.
- Bladder control - not in the form of Depends undergarments either. I mean, the honest to God ability to hold in my own urine while sneezing, laughing, coughing, and throwing up. There is nothing more demoralizing for a young woman than being perched in front of The Porcelain God, spewing forth all one’s eaten throughout the day while having the complete and utter inability to not pee her pants. Not to mention how mortifying it is see the look on her husband’s face when he sees her grey jogging pants, urine soaked.
- A Spa Day. A day to clean up the past three months of neglect I have bestowed upon my body. Eye brow waxing, a cut color and style, a manicure and pedicure as well as a GREAT massage complete with NO guilt.
- A HUGE supply of soother and sippy cups. I can’t believe how fast those things disappear - and at the most inopportune times.
- I would also appreciate immunity from poo diapers. I believe it’s only fair that Mom’s have done all the hard work of growing and nurturing, then pushing a child into this world, we should be immune to changing shit filled diaper.
- Banishment of morning sickness. Enough said.
- Oh, and I can’t forget the stunningly beautiful laptop I’ve been longing for over the last six months.
- How about throwing in a nice big stunner of a diamond ring because I’m worth it. Wait. Isn’t that a L’Oreal tag line?
I want quite a few things on that list so could you just add my name at the bottom. OK I don’t have morning sickness so scratch that one and no sippy cups but plastic cups that don’t break and cut you would be nice. Thanks!!
November 27th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Oh God I remember throwing up while I peed all over the bathroom floor. So horrifying.
Now I don’t throw up, but the bladder control is only slightly improved. And the youngest is two.
Worse is when there’s a puddle forming and following the grout lines between the tiles away from where you sit…. And while puking your only thought is that you have to clean up all this mess afterwards. Ain’t life grand?
November 27th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
When I drink to much and start dancing (not often) I have to pee like you wouldn’t believe. I RUN to the bathroom. Dressed for my friends wedding in a beautiful bridesmaids gown I was half way through shaking my big booty to Umbrella when I had to high tail it t the bathroom, so bladder control would be nice for me also. I would also like a new watch and no more whining from my son.
I’ve so been there, done that… I think I may have even tinkled a bit in my bridesmaid dress. LOL
November 28th, 2007 at 2:59 pm
I’m with you on almost all of these! I hope you get what you’re asking for.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
OMG I was going to do a santa list, too. But I have to find that tag I’m delinquent on first…
For the “girls” I recommend anything Wacol. Unbelievable bras. Pretty and iron clad. They last, too. Tell Santa you want one for each day of the week plus an extra thrown in for good measure.
Good luck on the bladder sneezing thing. Seriously. Just get hospital size Kotex and move on.
And add airfare to the day spa treatment and get your self to the Ritz Carlton in Carlsbad, CA. Book yourself a room for a night and know you’ve died and gone to heaven.
Kay. That should be it.
November 29th, 2007 at 12:44 pm