… and if they’re not. They will be when I take a blowtorch to them. While he’s still wearing them.
I don’t know what it is about men. Maybe not all men, but definitely MY man. (Is it bad that I just cringed as I wrote that?) He has this inept ability to tell me the truth about certain things. He will lie about the stupidest things: Things that drive me bat shit crazy when I find out that he lied about it or covered it up. Yet, when it comes to something very important, he has no trouble telling me the truth, even knowing how upset I would be about it.
Over the past seven years there have been so many untruths about the weirdest things, I can’t even name them all, and they all seem to stem from money. There’s video games that he lies about the cost – then I find the receipt. There’s been Playboy magazines that I find hidden in the weirdest locations – like two nights ago, one was stashed in a box of Toddler clothes in the basement.
[For the record, he knows that I really am not offended by the magazines. But! What pisses me off to the point I want to hurt someone is the fact that they are hidden around my house!]
Then yesterday came another. He bought some more ram for the computer. Fine, because, Hell: I benefit from that too, right? I wasn’t mad, there was no bickering. He just outright told me that 1GB as on sale for $30 and on we went with our day.
Until I checked the bank account balance this morning and came across his purchase for nearly three TIMES that amount. Why lie about that? Seriously. So I called him and asked to confirm the cost.
Me: Hey, how was your drive in this morning?
Him: Fine. The roads weren’t that bad.
[See how I snuck in the small talk before going for the kill? I'm semi-pro.]
Me: So, how was your game last night, now that you got that new ram?
[New game being World of Warcraft. That's another post all on it's own.]
Him: So much faster. It’s great.
Me: That’s great that you were able to find a gig for 30 bucks!
Him: No. 60 bucks.
Me: Oh, I thought you said 30.
[Keep in mind. I've seen the bank statement at this point.]
Him: Oh, yeah, it was on sale. Last week.
Me: Oh, so you missed the sale and paid full price for it?
Him: Yeah.
Me: So why was the total 90 bucks?
Him: Well, I bought that can of air too.
[Apparently, he doesn't have a knack for fast calculations in his mind.]
Me: Wow, 30 bucks for a can of air? I could have brought you one home for about 20 times LESS then that.
Him: Well. Taxes too.
Me: Uh huh.
[Maybe there's a Stupid Tax that I don't know about.]
At that point I had enough so I hung up.
It’s enough that he was caught in a lie, but then not even to own up to it. All I can do is shake my head.
Are they programmed to think that it’s acceptable? Do they think that we don’t get it? How dumb do men think us women really are?
:::
P.S. I know you’re there. I see you in my stat meters… yet comments seem to be very dismal lately. I know the content has been lacking more then usual and that’s my bad. But how come some sites that have horrible content still manage to pull in 20+ comments and I’m at about 10 times less. I don’t get it. *pout* Just call me HORMONAL!
Jenny says:
Feeling your pain… I think we all have those Stupid Man Moments!
Makes me want to severely hurt someone. Kinda like when the toilet paper is just rested upon the holder… I turn into a crazy (crazier?) woman!
November 28th, 2007 at 11:34 am
ori says:
Him: Well. Taxes too
November 28th, 2007 at 11:35 am
Colleen says:
Yes…. it’s definitely the “stupid tax”. That one gets you every time.
damn Stupid Tax. I swear, I’d be RICH if it wasn’t for that tax.
November 28th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Brittani says:
My boyfriend does the same dang thing. And after I find out the truth (because I always do,) he thinks I’m mad about what he did and doesn’t seem to get that his LIE is what frustrates me so much! Good to know that I’m not alone.
I am totally dying over here. That’s the same with us!!! Makes me friggin’ mental…. even though I tell him that I’m not mad about what he did, it’s the lying that makes me mad, he STILL pulls the same shit.
November 28th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Dawn says:
I found the Maxim underneath the sink – I just put it by the toilet – man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
Does this mean you can get a massage for that mysterious 30 dollars that is actually 90?
I’ve found those magazines – Playboy, Maxim, FHM and whatever else just about anywhere they could be stashed… under the bed, in the coat closet, underneath winter sweater in my closet… but that was the BEST – jammed into a box of Toddler clothes. What a moroon…LOL
November 28th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Clinkin says:
Oh my goodness you made me snort! The hidden Playboys are hilarious!
My condolences on your husbands entry to World of Warcraft…
In my defense I was going to comment anyway (due to the snort) that I was a lurker before being called out!
November 28th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Miss Britt says:
My husband’s lie is about what time he’s coming home from work. Like “where are you?” “ohhh, on my way, be there in 10 minutes” – before he’s left the office 20 minutes away.
And no matter how many times we fight about it…
Boys.
Gah! Why? Why!? That’s so something mine would do too… or if he’s out with the boys he’ll call to say that he’s just leaving… and then comes home like 3 hours later. Fucker.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
justmylife says:
My oldest son plays World of Warcraft. And my husband lies about stupid things too, so you are not alone. I am new to blogging and I hate when I have a really good post and it seems to go unnoticed, my site meter says they come by, but no comments on my hard work!!! Love your blog by the way.
Does your son play for about 5 hours straight and act like it’s the end of the world when he’s asked to get off the computer? My kid …err…. husband does.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
A- says:
I feel bad saying this, but it usually me who is covering up what I paid for things. “How much was that new shirt hiney”? Oh $10 on sale (really $20). It’s just easier, and he doesn’t see the bank statements. It’s bad I know. He doesn’t believe in shopping. I would not put up with the pornos though. If he wants to see it, he can come in the bedroom! I can see where you are mad and frusterated though.
November 28th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
ali says:
my comments are WAY down these days too…
i’m totally with you, my friend. i don’t understand some sites that get soooo many comments. sites that i find so incredibly bad or boring etc. maybe people think mine’s bad too?? but my hits are so high…so how come my comments aren’t??!! boo.
November 28th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Allee says:
We’re all in the same boat, I think. They think WE’RE the dumb ones, like we won’t find out about the stupid things they do and lie about. And you’re right, it seems to be always stupid little things they lie about and not big things, and they don’t get that it’s the actual LIE that is upsetting rather than the stupid behavior.
Well, I luvya Sam, even if I don’t come by and comment much – I’m lurking in my Google reader!
November 28th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Hilly says:
Ugh, my husband designs World of Warcraft so he never lies about cost HOWEVER pretends that every game he buys is for ‘research’. Riiight.
Your husband is the culprit behind me becoming a widow to World of Warcraft? Oh Hilly. I thought we had something there… just kidding, you’re still wicked… your husband though… I’m not sure about that one.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Leslie says:
Oh, husbands. What are you gonna do?
I’m having the same issues with my blog – big hits, no comments! Maybe it’s NaBloPoMo burnout.
November 28th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
Brenda says:
I haven’t even been checking my meter. I rarely get comments anyway.
As for the lie….I don’t get it either. My hubby is the same way….except instead about money it was about smoking. I don’t know why he would lie about that when I could smell it on him. ugh. Thankfully he quit this summer and no lies! (or cigs!)
November 28th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Pam says:
It’s a guy thing. My husband does the same thing except it’s never about money. Stupid stuff like, did you call the cable repair man today? Yep, sure did. When are they coming? Tomorrow. Uh huh, what time tomorrow? Then he comes up with all kinds of twists and turns to get out of the wrestling pin I just laid on him. When will they learn that we are much smarter than they are?
November 28th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Pam says:
I’ve seen the author of Notes From The Trenches get over 100 hits from a photo. JUST A FREAKIN PHOTO!! I don’t get it either. My stats say I’ve had 43 hits on my site today and I got, I think, 5 comments!!!! I know one is my ex’s wife spying on me but she doesn’t know I know she’s reading. It’s like high school all over again LOL
November 28th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Mr. Fabulous says:
I need to have a talk with him. I can teach him to lie a lot better.
Give him my number.
November 28th, 2007 at 8:31 pm