December 15th, 2007
10 days. TEN days until Christmas.
I haven’t bought ANYTHING yet.
I am officially freaking the shit out.
And you’re wondering why I’m sitting here rather then attempting the mall, aren’t you? Well, Carter’s sick. We were home all day yesterday with a high fever and diarrhea.
[Him. Not me.]
[Be right back, he just filled a 2 minute old diaper. Again. *gag*]
So, while he’s in this condition, it’s a little hard to leave the house for fear that we’ll have a poop emergency in the middle of the mall, MILES from the nearest available washroom. But, you don’t need any further explanation.
Where’s his father? You wonder. Well, with the Christmas season so close, there is work that requires finishing prior to the break, and his site is one of them, therefore he’s out of town all weekend.
While I’m home with a sick little toddler, three days straight. Cabin fever anyone?
I’m not resentful in the least. No, no. I mean, he’s just gone all day, laughing with his friends at work, enjoying a hot coffee, meals with no interruptions, and a hotel stay with a peaceful shower and to relax and watch what he likes before falling into a peaceful slumber unaffected by snoring and kicking all night. (Hi. My name is Sam and I am addicted to run-on sentences.)
Not. Resentful. At. All.
(Okay, you caught me. I am a little resentful.)
In fact, I am filled with hatred. Hatred because I work too dammit. Since returning to work I have turned down 3 high profile projects because of the traveling required. I feel as though I am the only one making sacrifices for this family and getting slack from my husband for it. He calls me lazy incessantly because I come home, tired, and don’t feel like cooking. Yet, he comes home and expects that dinner is on the table waiting for him, requiring no work on his part.
Need I remind you that I am also nearly 5 months pregnant and tired. I am so tired. Yet, he thinks I am using this pregnancy as an excuse for my laziness.
He hasn’t always been this way. We used to have fun. So much fun. We would laugh, joke and take care of each other. We would look out for each other; and be there when needed. Now everything feels like a chore. I love him, always have, yet I feel this intense hatred for the way things have transpired in our relationship. I take that hatred out on him; and I take it out on Carter: The only person that is completely and utterly NOT at fault has bore the brunt of my anger.
I feel like an absolutely shitty parent.
I feel like a failure as a wife.
Whenever I attempt to tell him how I feel, it turns into a fight as he assumes the defensive position and feel as though he’s being attacked; so now, I keep quite. I bottle it all up; filling myself with this intense rage.
I just hope that this vacation at New Years - sans children - will do something positive for our relationship.
Do you think I still have time to shop online? Damn, I am so screwed.
Woah woah woah. Let’s backup here. He calls you lazy? And you think YOU are being a shitty spouse? Did he not notice you were throwing up, for like, months straight?
Before I go off on a tangent about your husband (because I sure could), it really sounds as if you are both extremely stressed out, and that can certainly bring out the worst in us (my son also bears the brunt and no, I’m not proud of that). So I’ll cut him some slack. If you talk anything in real life like you do in your blog, I’m guessing you have already put him in his place on that. Right?
And yes! You still have time to do online shopping!
Natalie’s last blog post..So About that OpenID stuff…
December 15th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Thanks Nat!
Yeah, I’ve put him in his place a FEW times about it. But you know men. In one ear, out the other. It doesn’t seem to phase him.
I just feel like I’m at a loss at the moment. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to yell and I’m sick of being the bitch all the time. I want my NORMAL husband back.
Plus, I’m HORMONAL!
December 15th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
i’m totally freaking out, too. but, ugh! you’re pregnant, even? i would just say “screw it” to everyone. you have an excuse. a good one!
you da mom’s last blog post..New(ish)
December 15th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Can I just say I want to kick his ass for you?
How is it that men just don’t get it???
Hugs to you my hormonal friend. Wish I could help. Let me know if you need my ass-kicking skillz….
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Magical Christmas Concerts
December 15th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Okay, I’m not going to comment on your husband. Because I don’t think I can say anything helpful. Although you could tell him when it’s HIS night for cooking dinner.
As for shopping, you can still shop online and get stuff here in time:
goneshopping.ca is local, and has some fun stuff for babies, moms, dads, and fashionistas
hottoads.com has a fabulous selection of wooden and european toys. Quick shipping, and no PST ’cause they are in New Brunswick
If you want to venture across the border, I ordered a gift from landsend.com last friday, and it arrived on Tuesday (seriously). Price includes all taxes/duties/etc so nothing hits you when you arrive.
And, if all else fails, send the husband out to do the shopping.
Hahahahahahah!!
December 15th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Breath in. Breath out. It’s all good. There are plenty of commercials still on tv saying you can get delivery by Christmas Eve!!!
Hope your little one feels better soon. Not a good time to be sick.
And yes, a New Years Eve extravaganza sounds like wonderful therapy to me
FENICLE’s last blog post..Post-Debridement
December 15th, 2007 at 10:36 pm
expedited shipping dude.
or order gift cards online.
screw shopping.
screw it.
OR
buy yourself stuff and send them all thank you cards - it’s better to give than to receive right? so they can all give you stuff this year. and you can give the gift of saving them the shopping…
Dawn’s last blog post..Meme, by Alex
December 15th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
That lazy shit really pisses me off on your behalf, but all men have their inconsiderate ways. And pregnancy, for us, is the absolute worst time for our marriage. I feel like hell and then like a failure. And something in him…changes, becomes less compassionate. You’re not alone. Also, the time during our marriage when the kids were really young was by far the most stressful. Things are so much better now.
Here’s a little trick I incorporated and it works like a charm. (If you are passive aggressive, like me, that is.)
Go behind closed doors, when he’s home. Throw as big of a fit as you need to, get your anger out. Flip him the bird through the walls, tell him to eff off, tell him all the ways he’s super shitty and send all your hatred for his attitude right back at him. Get it out, get it out, get it out. But where he can’t see or hear you, but you can gleefully and childishly know that he would be really pissed of or hurt if he knew what was going on. You don’t always have to be the mature one. And don’t just do it once. Do it a couple times a day for a couple weeks if you need to. Leave a room, head down the hall, raise your middle finger and shout a silent “F*** YOU!”
Then a couple of things might happen. 1. You’ll feel a lot better and you just might avoid a real life argument because you’ve already gotten it out of your system. 2. You might actually feel a little bit bad because he’s not really as bad as all the things you said about him during your private tantrum and you will sincerely be able to be nicer and more generous, in general. 3. By shoving out that ball of anger, you might just be able to expand your view to take a look at yourself and tweak a couple things that you might be contributing without even realizing it.
All this is not to say that my husband and I don’t communicate and all that. But some fights are just not worth having over and over and over and over again, especially when nothing changes. But it also doesn’t mean those resentful feelings evaporate. So in those times, I resort to the private bird-flipping.
It worked(s) for me.
zdoodlebub’s last blog post..Puke
December 16th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Oh, my dear… I’m so sorry.
I’m not even going to TOUCH the husband subject, because I might just be tempted to get in my car in this damned storm and come down there and kick the sh*t out of him FOR YOU… Cause I know what it’s like to be EVEN TOO EXHAUSTED to smack your own husband when he so clearly deserves it…
What I wanted to tell you is this: I had exactly the same Christmas panic attack the other night… and solved my problems using Grand River Toys online at about 1am. They offer expedited shipping, BETTER PRICES than Mastermind, and my two enormous packages were delivered about 36 hours after I ordered. I’m telling you, Grand River ROCKS. MY. WORLD.
And of course, there’s always Amazon… my other online addiction… You just can’t beat books, dvds and cds for gifts!!
It is NOT too late, just get on the laptop, whip out your credit card, and GO, girl! While you’re at it, pre-order your Christmas dinner from Swiss Chalet online delivery!!
You’re going to be fine. Carter’s going to get better (just watch his fluid intake if he’s got the squits as badly as you say… You don’t want him getting dehydrated) And, believe it or not, in a couple of weeks, your energy WILL make a comeback!!
Hang in there, babe… I’m thinking about you!!
xo CGF
ps. come on over to my “place” and listen to a little Christmas music… I’ve got a different carol posted every day. Trust me, it’ll help!
Candygirlflies’s last blog post..My favourite part of “White Christmas”…
December 16th, 2007 at 6:37 pm
I’m so sorry hon. I’m sure it’s more of your hormones talking than you think. I know I used to feel somewhat resentful too. Hang in there. (((Hugs)))
Brenda’s last blog post..A baby reindeer and a lost Santa
December 16th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
I hope that by now you are already feeling better, Sam. Gift cards always work;)
Chris’s last blog post..Found Something I Wasn’t Hunting For
December 17th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
wow…the next time he calls you lazy, you should tell him it’s his turn to carry the baby until the end of the pregnancy!
seriously, though…i think we all feel like shitty parents, and it’s all part of being a parent. no one is a perfect parent (the ones that think they are are SO deluded!), and no one is a perfect spouse.
you should really cut yourself some slack (and so should your husband!)…you are a 5-months pregnant WOHM to a toddler…there aren’t many harder jobs than that!
oh, and i’m not done my Christmas shopping either. i’m getting really
filled with ragejealous of all my American bloggies being able to order toys from Amazon…stupid amazon.ca!!!cate’s last blog post..warning - changes are afoot
December 18th, 2007 at 1:06 am
MEN. Always on the defensive. We have the same fight. He goes away by train first class - to have a private box paid for by work to the see the Toronto Raptors - eats in nice restaurants, sleeps at the marriott…etc etc. I am home with the kids….big snow storm hits..”IIIIIII” shovel us out - with 2 crazy kids inside the house “alone” for an hour (Paola is almost 10 but stilll)…I don’t complain.
He comes home - the next snow storm…I am supposed to fall ont he ground and worship the ground he walks on because he shovelled us out this time????? Hmmmmm.
Seems fair.
Your vacation will do you good. I am sure. Unless the pregnancy hormones take over.
BUY gift certificates. One stop shopping - chapters and indigo.
December 18th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
you da mom: I really am thinking about it. It may just be gift certificates all around.
Redneck Mommy: Aw T, I love the way you look out for me. Makes me all squishy inside
and down there.Naomi(Urban Mummy): I’d totally make him do it but I’d be so embarassed seeing family open their gifts. Sometimes he puts thought into his purchases and other times, I just shake my head at the ideas.
FENICLE:It better be good therapy or someone’s going to get hurt. LOL
Dawn: I’ve listened and bought online. It’s so LIBERATING! LOL
zdoodlebub: I do all that to his face and more. Maybe I’m not helping the problem….I should try your way.
Candygirlflies: After reading this comment the other morning, I did just that… went to Grandriver Toys and bought, bought, bought. Hubby damned well better not complain when we get the CC bill either.
Brenda: You’re probably right. Hormones be damned!
Chris: Thank you very much! GC are going to HAVE to work.
cate: I know! And so many of their GREAT sites - like Overstock - don’t ship to Canada. NOT FAIR!
Tina: I knew you would understand. I don’t know how many times we’ve had this same conversation. LOL *hugs* friend.
December 18th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
I hope the vacation helps too. You deserve it. Definitely.
She Likes Purple’s last blog post..Early Christmas 2007
December 19th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Vacations ALWAYS help! We are firm believers in the four day weekend (minimum) sans children.
And that middle finger and silently mouthed F*U? I mastered them, long ago.
Amy3’s last blog post..I’m the One with the Baby
December 19th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
K…I totally get where you are coming from. With Andrew’s new job, he has been out of town several times and I can hardly stand it. The days feel twice as long and kiddos seem to act up a bit more. Geez.
I know first hand that you are a wonderful parent and you have an amazing little boy.
I don’t quite understand why men get so freaking defensive when you simply try to tell them how you feel…all they have to do is listen and nod, but whatever. Just don’t keep those feelings bottled up inside for too long.
Take care of yourself and try to enjoy these last few days before Christmas…one trip to the mall and you should have it all taken care of…right? Right??
December 20th, 2007 at 12:14 am
Sam, I ignore Google Reader for a few days and find THIS. Lazy??? You??? PREGNANT and WORKING you? Hmph.
I’m insensed. (I don’t know if I spelled that correctly.)
As for Christmas shopping, I’m certain you can still order online.
Good luck.
Also, I’ll kick your husband in the shins for you if you’d like.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Yes Internets, There Really is a Santa Claus
December 20th, 2007 at 5:31 pm
Your husband sounds like mine. If he starts pointing out that your butt is getting wider, we may have to check and make sure he is not the same person! Being pregnant is enough to make any women tired, add a toddler to the mix and he should be shot for calling you lazy! And a sick toddler at that! A good smack to the back of his head may be in order. Keep your chin up and smile knowing all the while, he will pay for his bad behavior in the end! Good Luck!
jsutmylife’s last blog post..Wrapping, Biting, Fighting and Sex Changes!
December 21st, 2007 at 12:33 pm
I’m a prego-mommy myself, and my husband was pulling the ‘you’re just being lazy’ crapola for a while….eventually I pinned him down to talk about it, and he admitted that the stress/worry of the new baby coming was getting to him.
I also opened a pregnancy book to one of the gorier pages and left it sitting on the edge of the tub by the toilet where he’d see it…that may have helped a little
I feel for ya! and hopefully your vacation will help both of you relax.
Lexi’s last blog post..Happy Holidays
December 26th, 2007 at 11:54 pm