I’m not sure if it was the post about vomit or the fact that I was a mistake, an accident, a surprise but everyone seems to have upped and ran for the hills. Did I say something wrong? I hope lil’ ol’ me didn’t go offending people. Maybe I need more posts about the train wreck that is my marriage, will that bring you back?

Once upon a time I shared a 100 things post. It was lame and I ended up burying it in the archives somewhere so I figured now would be a good a time as any to refresh them and take another stab at it: but this time I’ll break it up into themes of ten so it’s not so daunting (and maybe you’ll leave a damn comment! Not you though, you always comment, and you, and you, and minus my stalker of course, she always leaves a comment! *wink*)

One Hundred: Part One - 10 Things That Scare Me

1. Bees / wasps / hornets. M first memory of a bee sting was when I was about five years old playing in my tiny backyard with my brother. We were sitting on the concrete slab that was our patio, eating Popsicles when an enormous bee landed on my knee and stung me.  My knee swelled like crazy and all I can remember was the pain! Just a week ago, my brother and I were reminiscing about the gigantic size of that bee.

Then, grade four, I was playing Four Square with some friends and had left my pop can on the side of the court. At a break I went to take a swig of my pop: little did I know there was a wasp who had entered the can and proceeded to sting me on my top lip. Again, I swelled up like crazy and have been terrified of stings since. My heart begins to race and I feel compelled to run around screaming like I’m on fire.

2. Snakes. I can’t put my finger on just what is so scary about them: I think I fear that all snakes are venomous even though I know better. Living on a farm (part time - since I saw my dad only two weekends a month) we came across many animals, insects, rodents and reptiles.  I would scream and cry each and every time I came across a garter snake in the long grass.

I’m alright with any kind of snake, as long as it’s encased in a glass container or held by someone else far enough away from me - I only fear them when they’re wild.

Mike had two snakes while growing up: Boa Constrictors. He’s mentioned, much to my dismay, getting another one some day. I just can’t fathom having a snake in my house (on purpose). What if it got OUT!?

3. Humiliation is one of my greatest fears, though I’m sure it plagues many at one time or another, it’s held me back from trying and learning new things for fear I will set myself up for failure and embarrass the crap out of myself in front of people.

4. Public Speaking plays hand-in-hand with humiliation. I will avoid it at almost any cost.  Performing, speaking, presentations, any of them will bring on nausea, red face, sweating, and down right panic attacks. As much as I may enjoy being the centre of attention *cough*, I really can’t handle speaking in front of people. I’ve even passed on courses offered at work to better our public speaking abilities.

5. Being alone stems from my adolescence I think. Until the age of eighteen - when I moved out - I was never left for a weekend alone. My mom was quite overbearing and always feared that my brother or I would throw a party should she leave us even one night alone. Never ONCE did she or my step-dad go away for a weekend or one night away while we were at home. Should something come up and they had to go somewhere resulting in staying for the night she would ship us to my father’s house.

To this day I have slight fears of being alone. I check the doors and windows and always have a light on somewhere when Mike’s out-of-town overnight. I’ve gotten better over the years, but there is still the lingering fear that someone is leering outside my windows.

6. Someone outside my window ties into number five. My childhood house was a bungalow, my room was at the front of the house, adjacent to the front door. I always thought that someone would be leering into my room from the front of my house: I would turn off the light, run to the window and close the blind immediately, then jump into bed and hide under the covers.

I still have feelings of someone being in my backyard or the side yard and peering into my house from time to time. I think I have an overactive imagination.

7. Something happening to my knees has always made me feel sick to my stomach: a phobia more then I fear maybe. I’ve have vivid dreams of being in a car accident and damaging my knees, having surgery, etc. Biology class in high school was a nightmare for me when we began learning about joints. I nearly passed out and fell off my stool during a lesson about knee joints and muscles. For all I know, it could be that damn bee’s fault.

8. Needles. For that reason many friends find it shocking that I have a tongue piercing and a tattoo. Since getting pregnant with Carter my fear has diminished due to the number of blood samples and IV’s I’ve had.

9. A child of mine going missing or kidnapped. This, obviously, is a much more recent fear, which, I believe affects all parents. Not until I had a nightmare about Carter being stolen from his bed one night has the thought of my child going missing scared me so much. Is it strange that I don’t check on him before I head to bed at night?

10. Losing my job. I’ve been very lucky over the years to have been the one that has left a position at work. Only once, when I was sixteen, did I get asked to leave and it was one of the worst experiences ever. Now with children, bill payments and debt I think about it more though I know I have a secure position.

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• Confirmation That I Should Never Leave My House