April 2nd, 2008
Today is our wedding anniversary. Three years of marriage, three years of a dramatic roller coaster ride tied in with adjustment to parenthood. Though things have dramatically improved on the marriage front, I just don’t have it in me to write the mushy “I’ll Love You Forever” post.
Unfortunately, our special day has taken the back burner to something else that’s weighing on my mind.
Something that is completely natural yet, on the same token, completely heart wrenching.
Carter appears to have encountered his first bully.
Yesterday when I picked Carter up from daycare he was less then willing to come home since they were enjoying free play outdoors upon my arrival. I had to bribe my child with a chocolate Easter egg to distract him from the balancing beam and divert him to my awaiting car.
Once strapped in and on the road, we began to talk about his day, like we normally do. How was school? Did you have a good nap? What did you play with? Did you have fun with your friends? And so on.
When I asked Carter about his friends he said that Jake* wasn’t his friend. He didn’t like Jake. Jake was rude.
I asked what Jake had done.
Carter stated, very matter of factly that Jake had been mean to Carter, hit him and pushed him. Then, looking out the window, he vehemently shook his finger stating, “No thank you Jake. No thank you.” (which is what they’ve been taught to say when someone does something they don’t approve of - like stealing a toy, pushing etc.)
I felt my heart sink a little.
Boys will be boys, I tried to remind myself.
After all, there is a bit of a developmental gap between the newer children in the Junior Pre-school room and the older children (I think the class ranges from 2.5 years to 3.5 years) which may frustrate the older children to some extent: and they’re all learning to share and play together at this stage.
I completely understand how natural it is.
Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.
As I watched him in the rear view mirror, it tore my heart to pieces to see my child sit there and tell me that Jake was not his friend and that Jake was rude. (In two year old speak, of course)
We got home, forgot about the day’s events, and had milk while watching Dora before dinner. Bedtime went off without a hitch - normal evening.
When I walked into his room this morning, Carter sleepily lifted his head, and stated: “No school today mommy.”
I asked why.
“Jake at school.”
My heart broke a little more.
We had a difficult start to the morning, but got out of the house - albeit a little a lot behind schedule - and arrived at school just as Jake was arriving.
Carter would not go into the classroom; he wouldn’t run to his teacher and get a hug first thing like normal and as he cried he begged me to pick him up.
Squeezing my fat pregnant ass into a teeny tiny toddler chair Sitting at one of the group tables, I held Carter beside me and explained to the teacher what had transpired the evening prior, trying to hold backmy tears, I told Carter that he would have a great day and I would be back later as I kissed him goodbye.
Like I always do.
But today felt different.
Today I just wanted to pick up my child and run.
Tell him that he never had to go back there.
Shield him from the pain of being bullied.
Protect him from ever having his feelings hurt ever again.
But, instead I had to walk away.
I had to let him learn and develop naturally.
To attempt to move past the conflict and have a great day.
I had to let my little baby boy grow up a little.
*Name changed to protect the (presumed) guilty.
Sleepless night, dirty diapers and tantrums are nothing compared to this. I have dealt with it many times with my 11 year old. And it never stops sucking.
Gina’s last blog post..Movies
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:43 am
Awwww….I feel your pain but have no assvice on this one. It just sucks that kids are so cruel sometimes.
I wrote about something like this here.
It just never stops breaking your heart. But Carter is lucky he has a loving mama to kiss the tears away, even if she can’t prevent them.
Lexi’s last blog post..Please send help!
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:34 am
Aw, I’m sorry. Can you talk to the daycare workers about it? My daycare is pretty good at nipping these things in the bud.
Unfortunately, this is something we’re going to have to deal with for a long time. And that just sucks. Hugs to your sweet little guy.
andi’s last blog post..Welcome to parenthood?
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I wish had more healthy advice to give than what I did. Which may have equated to putting the fear of God in that bullying little shit just before his CCD class.
Maybe.
Ahem.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..The Other Brother
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Grr. Bullies. I’m so sorry. What do the daycare teachers say? Hopefully, they are aware of it and can intervene to make it a learning experience for both kids. And if that fails, just tell him to kick him in the shins (kiddin…or not :))
Mommy off the Record’s last blog post..WTF: Mother-In-Law Edition
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I wish kids were nicer to each other.
sizzle’s last blog post..Pull My Finger
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Oh, I feel your pain… intensely. My eldest daughter has been dealing with bullies since second grade,and it’s all I can do to keep a hold of myself, sometimes…
I hope your son’s teachers dealt with the issue today, and that you and Carter are feeling better about things tonight.
Parenting is SO hard… “your heart forever walking around outside of your body” is a bang-on description.
It wasn’t just Carter who was brave today… You were, too.
Kudos, girlfriend! Thinking of you.
xo CGF
candygirlflies’s last blog post..April 1
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:31 pm
That’s so heartbreaking.
I’m not looking forward to that stage in the least
I hope his day went better today…
Mommy2Jl’s last blog post..I’m Ready.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:10 pm
It’s awful, isn’t it?
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:53 pm
ah, see…that makes me sad..i can’t believe how young it starts happening…i just can’t.
jen’s last blog post..maybe his name was duncan
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:12 am
I know. When Julia comes home and tells me someone was mean to her half of me wants to get in the van and find them.
mamatulip’s last blog post..Productivity 101
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:41 am
I am confused… if someone pushes you (in preschool) you are supposed to say “No thank you”???
Discount Chica’s last blog post..Smart Ones
April 3rd, 2008 at 11:59 am
Gina: Nope, they can’t compare at all.
Lexi: Thanks Lexi!
Andi: We’ve talked and we’re working on it. Well, hopefully there’s really nothing to work on and it will be water under the bridge shortly.
Miss Britt: Hahahahahahaha! oh Britt, why didn’t you move to Canada (like my neighbourhood) instead of Florida!
MOTR: Part of me really wants to kick him in the shins.
Sizzle says: It’s really hard to watch how some of the children interact with others. Even if my kid isn’t involved it still hurts my heart.
CGF: Thanks CGF! I really didn’t feel that brave as I was fighting back tears. LOL
Mommy2JL: Ya, I never really prepared myself for this. I never thought that he would face this so early.
Shania: Really very awful. I know they’re still really little and it may seem that I’ve blow it out of proportion a little. But the hurt in his eyes and not wanting to go to school is EXACTLY what it was like when I was bullied too. I don’t think age really matters at all.
jen (one plus two): Ya. I never thought we’d be facing it this early. The thought never even crossed my mind.
mamatulip: I think you’ve posted about it before too, haven’t you?
discountchica: LOL, ya. Their trying to instill manners as well as teach them to share their feelings. Instead of outright saying “NO!” I guess it sounds nicer? I’ve been doing it at home too - just from hearing Carter say it all the time. LOL
April 3rd, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Being a mommy-to-be (5 weeks or so) there are so many questions and doubts about being a parent. There’s such a large amount of online support is awesome! My favorite right now is ** link removed ** because it is not only focused on moms but also on dads so you get two different perspectives. My husband loves this site as well!
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
as hard to admit as it is, my oldest was a bully at two years old. so much so that she was removed from the day care she was in. one little boy was her target - she seemed to enjoy the reaction she got when she hit him. it was so hard for us as her parents to deal with her bullying, but she thrived in the new day care where the caregiver was very aware of this past behaviour and dealt with it beautifully (basically zero tolerance, no warm and fuzzies!) i’m happy to say that there are no signs of bullying in our daughter now (with the exception of her younger sister, sigh)
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Oh, so hard. We haven’t encountered bullies yet, but I have to fight my urge to wrap my little guy (age 3.5) up and bring him home from preschool some days. It’s hard to let them go….
WhyMommy’s last blog post..Little Tanya
April 4th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
*hugs* to you and Carter!
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..No more unfun person! Exciting things galore!
April 5th, 2008 at 1:31 am
Sorry I am behind on my reading, Happy Anniversary, late.
That breaks my heart! I remember these times. *hugs* to both of you.
justmylife’s last blog post..I am interrupting my facts……
April 7th, 2008 at 11:44 am
00352: Thanks for the comment - not sure if you’re just spamming or not, that’s why the link’s removed.
meanie: It’s definitely hard to admit that your child was once the bully. My son Carter (same child that is now being bullied) was a bully in his previous class (well, I don’t know if he could be defined as a bully at 18 months, LOL) but he was a biter. I know how hard it is to be on the other side as well.
Thanks for sharing that!!
WhyMommy: I hear ya. Even on a GOOD day it’s hard to leave them there! LOL
DSB: Thanks DSB!
justmylife: I was beginning to think that you were actually trying to stop commenting! LOL
April 10th, 2008 at 7:05 pm