As a child, around the ages of five to nine, I remember being quite outgoing, friendly and confident. I remember always laughing, always having friends and never facing bullies.
In grade four, I moved to a bigger city mid-school year – where cliques were already formed, and there would be no additions, I was always the outsider to which I was always reminded of. It was really hard to adjust, so hard in fact, we left after that school year.
We ended up moving back to the small town which we had left mid-school year: but things had changed. The friends I once had changed and I was once again, an outsider.
The events of Carter’s Tuesday brought back raw, very real, and suppressed feelings of myself being bullied throughout elementary school. They came like a freight train barreling down a mountainside, losing their brakes.
I remember the whispers behind my back, being ignored at recess and plotted against over the noon hour.
I remember the taunting phone calls and the statements of “You’re not my friend anymore.”
I remember the hurtful glares and avoidance while picking teams during activities requiring partners.
I remember our grade eight graduation trip where the people, I once considered “good friends”, pushed me out of their circle, treating me like a parasite – with no explanation at all.
I remember wondering what I had done wrong, why was I being singled out so?
I remember being alone with my tears.
God, I remember the pain.
Once high school came I was able to break free of the torment and hateful glares. I met new people, made new friends and regained some of that confidence stolen from me. I regained some of myself.
My life in elementary school had changed me. It stole the confidence I would exuded, stripped me of the carefree attitude I had and made me question everyones – including my own – sincerity
To this day, the treatment that I received still plays a BIG part in who I am, how I react to people and how I deal with situations.
That’s what bullying does to a child.
That’s what bullying does to a person.
:::
I spoke with two of the three teachers in Carter’s class about Tuesday and they mentioned that they would keep an eye out for anything, but as far as they’re aware, nothing has happened to trigger Carter’s dismay towards the child: Carter and the child are in two separate groups (because they are split by teacher) .
Though, I tend to believe Carter. I know he’s two and all, but I’ve seen them all play together during free play and I have witnessed conflicts between other children that the teachers were too occupied to see at the time.
Today’s drop off had improved immensely, but! the child in question had not arrived yet. I just hope it’s a phase and it all blows over shortly.
Kathy says:
I had kind of the opposite experience: popular in grade school, bullied in high school. With an added twist: sexual harassment was rampant in my high school and always chalked up to “boys will be boys.” Not to veer too OT, but if i knew how illegal that actually was, I would have taken action.
Kathy’s last blog post..Procrastination
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:15 am
Jenn says:
I had a similar experience, but even worse, my “friends” shunned me and then “took me back” in high school. It really made me mistrust people.
Have you read “Odd Girl Out?” It’s a great book about female bullying. While it didn’t change anything that happened in my past, it allowed me to nod my head a lot and see that I wasn’t alone in how I was treated.
Raising a daughter of my own now, this whole issue is a major fear-point of mine….
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
flutter says:
You are a brave woman, and a good mom.
flutter’s last blog post..Sweetness and light
April 3rd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Jennifer says:
I completely, completely identify with this. I, too, was bullied. That experience has shaped who I am. I still have such anger toward the little girls that bullied me…the notes, the secrets, the mean phone calls.
The post about Carter broke my heart. I hope that this will just be a passing thing and he won’t feel bullied again.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Hoo-Hatorial
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Krystle says:
UGH.
Flashbacks of the first day of 4th grade from being told I was fat.
I could agree with you 100% on every statement you said. Every.Single.One.
And those flashbacks… I don’t like one bit.
I don’t care what anyone says – unless you’re last name is well known in the town, or unless you’re skinny and petite, or unless you have everything you want… you’re going to get bullied. Elementary and Middle School were the worst years of my left, to date.
Poor Carter. I hope that stupid bully is nicer to him…
Krystle’s last blog post..Wordpress.org Users, I need your help!
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Pam says:
I wasn’t bullied but the same damage was done by teasing, name calling and being ostracized for being the fat girl. From second grade on… it caused so much grief in my life that I quit school in the 11th grade. All we can do when our children are the target is be an advocate for them, as you were and teach them forgiveness and acceptance. Or, beat the shit out of the kid who’s hurting them. Which I’ve wanted to do on a few occasions.
Pam’s last blog post..Prayer Request
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:09 pm
that chick says:
you just hit the hammer right on the head. that was my childhood, but without the happy bit at the beginning. and i know that it has affected me in deep ways, made me who i am now. the question is: am i a better or a worse person than i would have become if i were happy as a child?
that chick’s last blog post..homemade fugliness
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Julie Pippert says:
I’d like to validate that you believe your child.
We dealt with a similar thing for my daughter (she’s in elementary school) beginning in preschool.
In that case, the other child has learning and developmental disabilities that apparently everyone except the parents knew about and those lead to behavioral problems. I hope this doesn’t sound unkind. It’s simply a truth, and I mean it only as such.
Anyway out of three years and three teachers, only one saw what we saw and what my daughter said happened.
I think it’s because we have different definitions of “problems” and different thresholds of tolerance and “normal.” KWIM?
We’ve learned to arm our daughter with empowerment and ideas of how to handle it (but it began when she was older, so two…that’s harder, but possible).
We’ve learned how to talk to teachers about it and what we expect, diplomatically.
Good luck. He’s a lucky boy with you as mom.
Julie Pippert’s last blog post..The sound of ultimate suffering (facetiously) plus a dedication to my Spring deprived friends
April 4th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Defendusa says:
I’m sorry to hear you had friends who would be outright mean. I endured some crappy girls, too. When I was in fourth grade, friends got mad because I helped the new kid. I picked flowers for the teacher at lunch and was staching kids play kickball. They came and danced and taunted me while ripping the bouquet out of my hands and sprinkling it on my head. The teacher saw it all and saved me from absolute humiliation. It happened again in 7th grade and I had the worst year. But my Mom always said that no matter how mean people could be, it was my job to try and be nice to people who didn’t know better, didn’t know how to be friends to others. If I do say so, I am the best friend a person could ever have…and I learned it from those nasty children. It hurt growing up, but…I KNOW how to be a friend.
PS got here from the your Dad Gone Mad…adding youto favorite blogs!
April 6th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
justmylife says:
In elementary school I was small, under 5 foot tall and weighing less than 60 pounds, I had my fair share of bullies. In Jr. High, I was still small, but had developed enough friends that I was able to avoid the bullies, but I still heard all the comments. Bullies are hard at any age, but worse when you are still young. I tend to believe little one, teachers do miss a lot sometimes. Hope there is continued improvement.
justmylife’s last blog post..I am interrupting my facts……
April 7th, 2008 at 11:50 am
samarama ding dong says:
Kathy: I think the sexual harassment was always chalked up to boys just being boys. I don’t think many teacher took into account how it made US girls feel. Pisses me off.
Jenn: No, I haven’t seen that book – but I’ll look for it!!
Many of the kids that bullies me tried to make amens when high school came around. Some I did become friends with again and others I felt I was better without.
flutter: Thanks!!
And your an amazing woman!!
Jennifer: It really does stick with you, eh Jennifer. It’s so hard to forget even if it was years ago.
Krystle: Flashbacks suck big time. Makes me feel like I did back then: I hate that.
Pam: I’d say that you were bullied… enough that you quit school… that’s bullying.
Regardless, it’s a painful painful experience.
that chick: And ya, I think everyone has that same question. I know I’ve thought the very same thing before!
Julie: I know that small children can distort the truth a little, but they don’t know how to lie or cover up something – that’s why I really choose to believe my son. The teachers very well could of had their backs to them or were distracted – I’ve seen it happen many times in the class rooms where the children are fighting over a toy and the teachers are oblivious. LOL
Defendusa: Your story brought tears to my eyes. I remember stuff like that. Just the plain old torture for no reason. So hurtful.
justmylife: So far things have been pretty good. Carter said that he played with the boy yesterday.. so hopefully it was a one time thing.
April 10th, 2008 at 7:10 pm