April 21st, 2008
Three days of work remaining. Wednesday is my final day. I’ve packed up all my reference material and personal items from my desk. I’ve cleaned out my files and designated others to care for certain aspects of my work.
Three days left, then one full year of being home with my children.
(OMG. I have more then one. )
Entering the world of you wonderful and strong stay-at-home-moms.
I fear I won’t measure up.
Adjusting to having one child wasn’t that hard (okay, minus the lack to sleep, nursing and being at the beckon call of a small little life sucker).
I was really happy being the parent of one child, but the clock started ticking and the thought of siblings and space and the need to procreate again soon! took over. I gave in. I’ve been skeptical of this second child for a while now. I’m sure many parents go through the same thing: wondering if you’ll love the second as much as the first, how things will change and so on.
And I think I may forget just how hard it is with a infant sometimes.
I am considerably more leery about maternity leave this time as there are two children involved which means opposing nap times, feeding schedules and a toddler who will, undoubtedly, vie for my undying attention.
Who am I kidding? I’m pretty much freaked the fuck out.
I am worried about trying to leave my house with two children in tow. Alone.
I worry about being so tired that I ignore Carter and leave him in front of the television for too long.
I’m scared crapless of a child that will be up crying all night only to settle down at the break of dawn - while the other child wakes for the day. (Stop twittering about it! You’re freaking me out!!)
I am worried about giving Carter enough attention while I recover from child birth and how he’s going to react to a new baby in the house. (He’s only had one opportunity to be around an infant and he had no desire to interact at all. He looked at it and walked away, no reaction whatsoever. Maybe that’s a good thing? Only time will tell I suppose. )
Friday night we went for dinner and took Carter to the park and for ice cream. That kid is a ball of energy: running back and forth from play item to the next. While I waddled behind trying to keep up, I worried more and more about how I’m going to get him out to a playdate, the park or splash pad with an infant. I can’t very well leave the other child to sit in a car seat while I chase Carter all over the map. Slinging might work but would be extremely tiring and hot during the summer months.
I may have to turn my backyard into his very own Neverland Ranch (minus the perv child molester of course).
This is why I am fighting Mike so hard for Carter to remain in daycare part time. I just worry so much that I won’t be the interactive and fun! parent that he needs while I get used to being a parent of two children.
I constantly jump back and forth between “I can totally do this, two can’t be that much harder then one.” and, “OMG. Two children. What the hell were we thinking?! I can’t do this!”
Only time will tell I suppose.
Number two is a shock to the system, to be sure. Mine are 20 months apart. He refused to acknowledge that she existed– until the first time she smiled at him. Once he figured out that we had birthed an AUDIENCE, he was hooked.
Oh, and baby sling. Could not have lived without it.
Good luck!
The Other Dawn’s last blog post..See Noise Learn.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:07 am
Honey, every single one of those concerns?
I had them too.
And you know what?
I was right.
It was hard. as. hell.
Except… you will be amazed when you find that you have MORE than enough love for the both of them. You will be overwhelmed that you could create TWO PEOPLE, totally different, that you are capable of loving so completely.
You will look back some day, when a friend of yours is getting ready to have her second child, and remember how terrified you were. And you will realize… you did it. And it was worth it.
And you’ll be just fine.
Miss Britt’s last blog post..Sucking. At Life.
April 21st, 2008 at 11:21 am
You must remember to BREATHE!! It’s hard, but more than worth it. In time you figure everything out and it becomes natural, like you have always done it. It won’t do any good to say it, but stop worrying. All that it does is make you crazy. And at some point you will wonder why you had children at all, they just suck the life out of you. Can you tell I have one home sick? Or faking sick.
justmylife’s last blog post..What a CRAPTASTIC weekend!
April 21st, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I feel the same way. I’m going on week 3 with the newborn and the tomorrow is my first day alone with both of them. I am nervous. But reading everyones post here makes me feel a bit better. It’s going to be hard, but totally worth it….
Jenn
Jenn’s last blog post..Batting .500
April 21st, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I had my first three very close together, then waited 13 years for the next. It is hard, and you may pull your hair out, but you’ll get the hang of it. Do you have anyone to come help you for the first few
monthsdays?April 21st, 2008 at 4:02 pm
I can’t imagine there’s a woman alive who has been in your shoes and not worried about all the same things. It will probably be freaki’ hard but you will do it and you will be great!
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Photos, plus proof that blogging changes the world
April 21st, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I freak the fuck out everyday, does that make you feel better?
flutter’s last blog post..In my absence…
April 21st, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Two IS hard… three is an effin’ circus.
But you know what? It’s worth it. And you WILL be fine. You need to remember to “go easy” on yourself, and take it day by day, minute by minute! You will find your rhythm with two, just as you did with one.
That said… I think it might be a good idea to have Carter remain in daycare part-time, if he’s happy there. He’s got his own little “life”, and his own friends. It’s good for them to have some social interaction outside of the home, and if he’s the ball of energy you describe, he’ll be able to get some of his sillies out!! You will get a few hours to just focus on the baby, and hopefully get a bit of rest.
Take care, you! And sleep as much as you can over the next few weeks!
We’re all out here, rooting for you.
xo CGF
candygirlflies’s last blog post..From Paint-a-palooza to Barf-o-rama…
April 21st, 2008 at 11:31 pm
There are days I still don’t think I can do it. Days that I still freak out. My youngest is 4 1/2. It’s natural to feel this way…but you know what you get through it just fine. Moms worry…that’s what we do. You will be great!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Oh The Drama
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:34 am
I understand your fears. I felt the same way! I won’t lie to you…the first few months are HARD as HECK!!! It will take a few months to get used to juggling 2 kids..figuring out priorities and such.
Hang in there though. It will and does get easier. You will survive.
Brenda’s last blog post..Kyle’s first hair cut
April 22nd, 2008 at 8:22 am
Me again, stalker number 1, I tagged you for a short meme. And with your state of mind lately, it should be an easy one. hehe! Sorry, I know everyone hates memes, but really this one is easy.
justmylife’s last blog post..A quick meme…
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Honestly … not nearly as bad as I thought.
Granted the schedule changes and there is much tv watching (thank goodness for playhouse disney).
But …
he tv will not kill Carter in the short term. And you’ll be back on your feet before long and then it will be do-able.
Matt’s been in daycare for a month - he’s there till the end of April. But really, I’ve kept him home a fair bit and it isn’t too bad.
As for the sleep thing - I’m finding it easier this time along with the whole nursing thing. One day at a time.
LD’s last blog post..Post-Baby Weight Debate
April 22nd, 2008 at 4:18 pm
you’re going to be fine. it sucks for, well, pretty much the first 4 months i’d say…and then you start feeling like a person again…
April 22nd, 2008 at 5:30 pm
You will be fine; there’s always enough love to go around
As for getting out with more than one child: speaking from personal experience, I went out for groceries and such when their daddy was at home to watch them, and didn’t get out with both of them unless I absolutely had to. Which was soon, because I had to go back to work four weeks after my second son’s birth. After the initial adjustment, getting used to having to get them both up and out at the same time became so routine it seemed like it had never been any other way. Not saying it was easy, because it wasn’t always. But you do what you have to do, and it all eventually becomes routine.
Speaking of routine, I am with you on keeping Carter in daycare on a part time basis. It’s already part of his routine, and routine is really good for children. Part time will allow him to keep his routine and keep things normal for him, yet he’ll still have plenty of time at home with you and be able to get to know his new baby brother without everything he’s used to changing. Just a thought
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..No post yesterday
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Why you wouldn’t be “normal” if you didn’t have those kinds of concerns.
That said, I’m sure you’ll be suprised at what you can do.
And do well at that
Worker Mommy’s last blog post..We’ve become those neighbors
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
somehow you will survive.
I still have no idea how I survived the lack of sleep with the first and the second made her look like a walk in the park, but we survived.
I have a lot of help though this time. Last time I gave in to the huz don’t do it - Keep the daycare for all of your sakes.
and more ice cream in the park. that will make everything better.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:45 am
You can do it! I think change is always scary. I know when I quit my job four years I was so scared I was doing the wrong thing. It felt strange at first but now I wouldn’t have it any other way. You will be okay.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Stop it!!!! I’m trying to keep calm in the same situation but everywhere I turn, bloggers are stressing over the same thing! Serenity now, serenity now…
Mac & Cheese’s last blog post..Cord Blood Banking
April 25th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
It IS hard. For sure. But it is also SO MUCH FUN and SO TOTALLY WORTH IT! You can do this. I promise.
Karly’s last blog post..Contrary To What The Picture Suggests…
April 26th, 2008 at 4:45 pm