April 30th, 2008
I’ve mentioned before that I dislike my cat.
[Just don't pay attention to the post since it was about my seventh post in the blogworld and sucks (more then these ones). M'Kay?]
Actually, dislike would be putting it mildly.
I fuckin’ hate that cat. HATE. HATE. HATE.
We’ve had a love-hate relationship from the day he came into my life - I think it’s progressed to a hate-hate over the past three years.
While in my second year of college I had a calico long haired kitten named Taija (tay - jah). She was the prefect cat: clean, comforting, happy and a pleasure to be around. When I moved into a new house of campus with some friends, it was an animal free home, but I kept her anyway. I just didn’t have it in my heart to give her away: since I’m one of those people who strongly believe that pets are not just throw aways when they become too much work or a hassle. My roommate obviously didn’t have the same feelings because she took my at to the shelter one day while I was at work.
That one that which happened to be my 19th birthday. Seriously. Pick a shitter day why don’t you?
Our relationship kinda went downhill from there and I ended up moving in with Mike a short while after.
Once in our new place, Mike gave me another cat as a Christmas gift - and though I don’t condone giving pets as gifts (because so many of those also end up in shelters once the novelty has worn off) - I was super excited.
I came home to find an empty box from a local pet store sitting on the stoop by the door.
I said hi, giving him a bit of a quizzical look: Mike looks up from his video game and states:
“Your present is in the bathroom behind the toilet.”
Nice.
(So he may not have much tact, but he has a big heart.)
A beautiful little grey, green-eyed tabby stared back at me from behind the tank. I slowly reached from him as I spoke softly and his haunches went up as he started to hiss.
And so our relationship was off to a fantastic start.
I one of those people who believe that a pet is for life. I have no intention of sending him packing, even though it has been suggested far too often by family and Mike. They seem to view animals as disposable when the going gets tough, and I just can’t bring myself to drop off an animal simply because he drives me up the wall.
From constantly throwing up wherever and whenever he sees fit to shitting and pissing on clothes and carpeting; he has to be one of the dirtiest animals I have ever seen. It’s pretty sad when I have to do a sweep of the house to search for any unwanted presents when we’re expecting guests. For a somewhat neat and obsessive person that I am, it makes me a fuckin‘ lunatic when I find these unwanted gifts. I go into this blind rage causing me to think of all the harmful and hateful things I could do to this animal: but it all fades in time and we’re back to just hating each other.
He’s been checked over by our vet yearly and, much to Mike’s chagrin, each time he’s been giving a clean bill of health. A very clean bill of health - like, we’ve been told to expect at least another 8 years of him.
He’s limited his defecation to clothes that are tossed haphazardly on the basement floor - and their usually an article of Mike’s which really pisses him off. Simple solution: pick up your clothes, right? Well, not Mike. He feels that since it’s his house he should have the right to toss his clothes as he sees fit and not have to be concerned about the fact that they may acquire a certain odour or pile of poop left for ME to clean up.
That’s right. Me. I clean it up.
Otherwise the offending article will end up in the hamper with shit still clung to it.
Seriously.
[Sometimes I wonder: who's dirtier? The cat or the man?]
And! Everything just gets weirder when I’m pregnant.
Since I’ve been off work both the dog and cat have been clinging to me. Stalking me.
The dog just sits and stares at me. Stares constantly. Wants nothing, just stares.
And the cat? I wake in the middle of the night and he’s there, right beside me in bed, he follows me to the bathroom constantly under foot which makes me question his motives: is he just trying to be close to me, or trying to trip me since I’m in a blurry state of sleep and can’t see me feet?
I thin he’s trying to do me in while walking down the stairs, by weaving in and out around my feet.
Smug little bastard. REMEMBER WHO PROVIDES YOUR FOOD, HOUSING AND LITTER YOU LITTLE SHIT.
The tripping and weaving has turned into some kinda sick game leading me to the point where I have to actually kick him down the stairs prior to me trying to take a step. Now before you call the SPCA note that there are 5 steps - not a full flight - and he’s fat, so he’s well padded. He can take it.
Plus it gives me what little satisfaction I can get out of seeing him flop ass over tea kettle down those stairs until he reaches the bottom.
Glaring at me when he reaches the bottom of the stairs, I can just tell he’s plotting where to leave the next shit-filled gift of love.
Stupid furball.
You’re a far better person than I am. I would have a hard time hanging onto an animal that made that much of a mess. Your cat doesn’t know how lucky he is.
Jen’s last blog post..The spider on my contact case
April 30th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Sounds a bit like my lovely cat! He does keep the shit to the box, but the pee ends up next to the box from time to time. He stands IN the box and hangs his ass over the side. My problem is the puke. He has this awful meow then unloads a huge pile, I swear I don’t feed him that much or some of the things I find, and then looks at me, like he left me some wonderful gift! Tell dear hubby, pregnant women aren’t suppose to fool with cat stuff! Some sort of disease passes to the mother if the cat is infected. My dear husband pointed out our cat can’t be infected becaause he is in the house all the time, but maybe you could slide it past yours! Just a thought.
justmylife’s last blog post..Just sharing……
April 30th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
1. YES, stay AWAY from the litter. OMG, Like now!
2. sounds like you have a pissy-pussy(cat) on your hands (lol)
3. good luck!
April 30th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I had the most gorgeous blue Himalayan before college. When I came back, I was allergic! Thankfully, my aunt took him and gave him a wonderful home.
April 30th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
I love me a kitteh, even a vindictive one.
Usually, when they’re shitting and pissing on your stuff, it’s vindictive. That is, after you’ve had everything else tested. He is absolutely pissed at you for something…maybe he wants to sleep in your bed?
heh heh
Candy’s last blog post..No, it’s not a skin tag!
April 30th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
I won’t get started on the joys of cats and I can’t complain since both cats I wanted and got on my own and “surprised” Mike with. I love the older one. The little one drives me nuts.
And, the little one … she stands at the top of our stairs, waits for me to get going, and then weaves between my feet. She only does this when I’m carrying the baby or Matthew. It’s so weird.
LD’s last blog post..Soon it will be Highschool Dances
April 30th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Dude, he looks like a brat (but a cute brat). You need kitteh’s like mine. They are sweet and soft and lovable. Digit is a fluffball and she ocassionally has hairballs or a poop gets stuck to her hairy ass and she drops it off somewhere else; but it is never intentional.
I get not wanting to give him away. I’m the same way. I have had to give my cats up before, but I only gave them up to my mom and when I was ready to have them back, I got them back. I would never just given them to anybody because I didn’t want them anymore. They are part of the family, too.
April 30th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
apparently I don’t know me no grammar either. Excuse the clusterf*ck that was my last comment.
April 30th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
This is a message for your cat: I’d like to tell you that I’ve written a scathingly funny book, The World Is Your Litter Box, which will be out in May. The book is cleverly disguised as a cute cat book so humans will buy it, but is, in fact, a how-to manual FOR cats. Check it out on my website, http://www.theworldisyourlitterbox.com. It will help you find even MORE ways to drive your female crazy!
April 30th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
A friend of mine (well, my mother’s anyway) just got a cat after hers of over a decade had to be put down. This cat has not left the basement except to wolf down his food and take a dump.
She’s keeping him.
For the record, my kitty hisses at me all the time. Then wants some cuddling. We’re considering therapy.
Kathy’s last blog post..This is going to be splendid
May 1st, 2008 at 6:19 am
LOL Sounds like you got quite a dirty cat. Mine is such a scaredy cat. Seriously. Bugs scare her. LOL
Brenda’s last blog post..It’s here again!
May 1st, 2008 at 8:51 am
Jen: You’re right. He has NO idea. LOL
justmylife: Toxoplasmosis. But the cat doesn’t have it. He’s too chicken shit to go outside. LOL He’s been checked before. And I don’t clean the litter box - just the stuff that doesn’t make it in there. *rolleyes*
Holly: 1. Done. Mike does the litter and I do the randomness around the house. Men don’t know how to clean carpet properly. And, the cat is fine, no toxoplasmosis… but I still don’t do litter right now.
2. Very pissy-pussy. He’s just all around BAD.
3. Thanks!
Shania: That’s great that you had someone close to you that was able to care for him!
Candy: I think he just hates me. Maybe he hates that we now have kids and a dog too.. but he was fine when the dog arrived and he’s never had anything to do with Carter. Carter doesn’t torment him either, we’re very careful about that.
I just think he’s vengeful and rude!
LD: Hopefully the little one grows out of it since she’s pretty much still a baby. There’s no help for my eight year old cat I don’t think. He’s just crotchety.
Natalie: Your cats are beautiful. I think we should trade. Maybe you can be a Cat Whisperer or something.
Quasi: I don’t think he needs to drive me MORE crazy or he’ll be buried in the backyard, but thanks!
Kathy: I wish mine would stay in the basement. LOL He does when there are people here. He’s not very social.
Brenda: Oh Connor is scared of everything as well. Except for bugging the crap outta me! LOL
May 1st, 2008 at 10:48 am
Dude. Chewy shits on the basement floor at least twice a day. I FEELZ UR PAINS.
mamatulip’s last blog post..Quote of the day…and other tidbits
May 1st, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Um, this part, “Simple solution: pick up your clothes, right? Well, not Mike. He feels that since it’s his house he should have the right to toss his clothes as he sees fit.” Yeah, that’s my husband exactly. Drives me up the fucking wall. Then he wonders where they are or why they’re dirty. grrr.
Amanda (Shamelessly’s last blog post..The Tin Can Adventures: The Human Trash Target
May 1st, 2008 at 10:01 pm
1st cat: pissed on my couch 19 times. Renal failure in September (after a year and a half on sub-cu fluids, which I was happy to administer)
2nd cat: barfed in the living room for 4 years. Renal failure in November (sudden, and sad).
3rd cat: craps in the living room, bedroom…anywhere with carpetiting rather than tile or linoleum…diagnosed as diabetic, but non-life-threatening, in February.
I’m just about done with cats. No matter how much I’ve loved all of them, I’m going with a fish next.
Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..In which I try my hand at stand-up
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 am
AHAHAHAHAHA!
I fucking hate my cat, too. He insists on sleeping ON my 39 week belly at night, and whenever my son wakes up at night (I know, he still wakes up…I’m screwed), the facking cat insists on meowing like judgement day is here, and I end up tossing him downstairs and locking him in the office.
I want to just put him outside and hope that he gets lost. My husband would NEVER allow it, though. He loves the cat.
Mrs. Mustard’s last blog post..I’m so cool, I just had to do it
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I had a cat like that. I couldn’t take it anymore when I was about 8 months pregnant with my second. He would shit diarrhea all over my carpet. I had my sister take him to be put down. You are a better person than I.
Michelle’s last blog post..Toot
May 6th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
i must leave a comment now
i actually came here to find out if a punt pass and kick out the front door would be ok
my boyfriend used to have two cats one reallllly crazy one that would only come out at night (or when no one was around and it was dark) and she would sleep on my daughters head!!
i really didn’t like that so off went stormy to her new home somewhere in the woods
my boyfriend was soooooooo sooooooo mad at me for a long time but he got over it that cat just had bad mojo ya know
ok on to cat number two
starr so pretty but thats all she meows all the time as if i actually want to talk to her after all the bs i have dealt with
the thing i hate most about her is where i will start
she used to hide under the couch and when my daughter would sit down and start swinging her cute little legs what would that dam cat do scratch the back of her heels
i tried spraying her with water bottles she got kicked out of the house for one night until her “daddy” saved her and shes really lucky he did
she will not stay off of the counters which drives me totally crazy nasty cat feet up on my counters rrrrrggggg
my daughter is sooo scared of her (starr now has her own room the bathroom its big enough) she brings a broom in the bathroom with her just in case the cat comes by her
i hate this cat sooooo much i have had to deal with her for 2.5 years now and im soooooooo over it
only problem is my boyfriend wants her i dont know why the damn cat doesnt like anyone but me (i really dont understand that part)
so throw her outside with her crazy sister or take her to a shelter where she will end up living in a cage for the rest of her life because she is such a bitch no one will want to take her home???????
WHAT WOULD YOU DO??????
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:38 pm