Things are going good on this end. There’s a complete lack of schedule and a newborn baby who requires to eat for about 2 hours at a time at night. I’ve been supplementing with 2oz of formula still in order to keep my sanity through those hours between 8pm and 5am. As weepy and teary as I am, I’d love to think that I can just lie down and sleep when Hudson does, but there is this rambunctious and crazy toddler that needs attention throughout the day as well. That toddler, who has independently decided that there is no longer need for nap time.
We’ll see about that buddy. The jury is still out on you.
Hudson’s doctor visit went well yesterday; he’s gaining weight and everything looks wonderful. As I was preparing for the trip there I took a moment to read over my sheet from the hospital that was to be delivered to my doctor – The Sheet. It holds all the information regarding the birth and my stay at the hospital.
Also some tidbits that I hadn’t been aware of.
My file states that I have “unresolved postpartum depression controlled by medication”.
Say wha’?
After my pregnancy with Carter I started taking anti-depressants. The stress of changes, money and a husband that was working constantly to keep us afloat had finally taken it’s toll and I needed some outside help. I’ve been taking them for just about a year and a half and things have been significantly better.
During this hospital stay I felt as though I was being watched a little more closely and that I was being judged just a little more. Treated more like a first-time mom if you will. A social worker came to visit me to see how I was coping, the nurses paid a little more attention and if I was seen crying it was as though they had to stay and watch vigil over me.
Maybe it was them being nice.
Or maybe it was them following protocol of extra special care for the depressed lady: the “Damaged Goods staying in room 113″.
I’m in no way ashamed or embarrassed to say that I have postpartum depression – if that’s the case. But. IF that IS the case, I feel like I should have been told: Yes this IS postpartum depression and I shouldn’t have been left to feel like people are walking around on eggshells and I’m going to go off the deep end if they use The Term with me. I think I’m even more shocked that my doctor never said to me: This sounds like PPD. She just said: Yes I think what you’re feeling are symptoms of depression and we’ll try out this drug.
Is it that it’s just a medical term that is thrown around because one would seek help within the first year of giving birth? Is it that I’ve shown other symptoms that I wasn’t aware I was showing? I mean, I never once felt fear of my child, I never removed myself from situations where he was concerned and I bonded with him immediately. All signs that I thought I wasn’t suffering from PPD but just a situational depression related to OTHER aspects of my life.
Apparently I was wrong. I don’t know.
I just know that I’ve been given that label of Postpartum Depression and wasn’t aware of it in the first place. Then to be treated as though I may be a harm to my children I almost find insulting. It’s enough to cope with having a newborn and a toddler, all the while dealing with raging hormones and any lack of any structure in my life at the moment. But to have people assume that “Oh she’s crying because she has depression, she must be watched more.” hurts. It angers me and makes me feel even a little confused.
Why was I labeled and not told about it? Why have I been given this mark of “damaged goods” and wasn’t even aware of it?
* If you haven’t read this guest post by Megan from Velveteen Mind over at Plain Jane Mom, do it now – it’s well worth the read.
{ 9 comments }
Oh Sam, that would bug the snot out of me. That’s the kind of thing that makes women NOT seek help. I’m sorry you have been “labeled” and it is definitely something you should have been notified about first.
Crude and uncouth as this will be, it sounds like a CYA move so if you go Andrea Yates, they can say “We warned [whoever] and they didn’t listen, so it’s not our fault.”
Angie’s last blog post..My Final Words on the Subject – Part III
I think doctors throw around PPD a lot nowadays, it kinda covers their butt if you go pyscho on them. heh! You should have been told though. I think it sounds a little more like new baby blues to me. Weepy but not depression.
Glad to hear Hudson is doing well and gaining weight. Maybe you can convince Carter to nap with mom and Hudson, I said maybe! heh!
Rest when you can and everything else will work out on it’s on.
justmylife’s last blog post..And she is BAAAAACK!!!!
Not the same but when I had Ella I saw my notes afterwards and apparently I had that condition where the shoulder gets stuck when the head is already out… I actually told them at the time that I was waiting for the next contraction and couldn’t feel one yet etc etc and in the end I just pushed her out regardless of contractions… they ‘decided’ that her shoulder was stuck.
heh.
I think sometimes they like to cover their arses absolutely and ‘show’ they know their stuff.
Very annoying – !!
x
nutty mummy’s last blog post..Out for Tea
my third baby was not a welcome one, and my doctor knew that he was a mistake. while in L&D I made arrangements to have my tubes tied and so the nurses in L&D knew he was an unplanned baby. Then , when they handed him to me, when I was doped up and expecting him to look identical to his brothers, and he did NOT, i said “Oh. he’s so ugly”
I was not left alone for WEEKS., those stupid people came to my house EVERY day!
be thankful it sis just looks and chart writing, it could be worse.
Pee ess: the unwanted baby? Dunno how I’d live without him, now.
bluepaintred’s last blog post..A very. very. very long meme
I don’t really talk about this, but I was diagnosed with PPD after Goose was born, which was also shortly after Hurricane Katrina and my husband losing his job. Right. Right?
I fought the diagnosis and meds initially because (get ready for this) I thought it would come back to haunt me if I wanted to, say, run for President.
I’m not kidding. I needed to be on crack.
It brought up all kinds of issues for me about the stigma attached to any kind of depression. And in my case, as well, my doctor was squirrelly about telling me about the diagnosis. I eventually had to see a second OB to straighten it out.
Um, sooooooo… you apparently had a baby. I seem to have missed that. You did it really quickly and slipped right by me and my crashed computer.
Congratulations!!!
Now, if you want to talk about hormones, ask me to tell you about the time I tried to scratch my husband’s face off. Yep.
Megan’s last blog post..Debunking, Defusing, and Demystifying the Big Name Blogger; Mommy or Otherwise. And Delurking You.
I think the nurses and doctors were just being cautious since you had the diagnosis the first time. Those whom have had PPD the first time have a much higher chance of getting it the second time. Though I do agree..you should have been told. I don’t understand why it’s still something that isn’t talked about much. It’s not a stigma, it doesn’t make you “damaged goods”….it’s a serious disorder that needs to be addressed and people need to talk about and get educated on.
I’m a bit biased on the subject though, being a sufferer of PPD twice now, both times was on meds. I didn’t have just “a little bit of depression”, I had full fledged, severe, want to run away and never see my children- depression. It was horrible and awful.
I think because depression affects people differently, along with the affect of hormones, the nurses/doctors were being cautious, making sure you were ok and your child will be ok. I really don’t think it was personal. But I do agree….your doctor SHOULD have told you and been upfront with you on it. You have a right to know.
Brenda’s last blog post..I’m back!
I had similar notes on my file. I think I always will and then I got diagnosed with ppd again when chloe wad about 3 weeks. I totally disagreed – especially when i knew how ppd felt and this was not it.
it isn’t a shame thing but i don’t want to be labelled. can you call the doctor to discussit? i did (okay I was furious and shouting) and we did resolve it.
i don’t blame you for being pissed.
btw i still get twice weekly check-in calls from the mental health people. nice.
LD’s last blog post..SURPRISE!
I know when I’m in the middle of a low I get reeeeeaaally paranoid. I’m convinced that if people look at me sideways it has to be because they are thinking BAD things about me. Not because they are coveting my Target tee shirt.
Not to say your perception wasn’t spot on. But you can’t even go there right now. Just worry about you.
Hang in there!
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