June 27th, 2008
This time I am all about living for now. I find myself cuddling with my infant son and wishing that this stage could last for even a moment longer. Instead of putting him down so I can have a shower or put in a load of laundry, I find myself relaxing in front of the television while cuddling for just a little longer each day.
As I kiss the top of his head and breathe in his baby smell, I am not taking for granted this stage. Not this time. There is no rush to grow up, there is no wanting him to reach and surpass each milestone - it’s just about now.
Since the day after Hudson was born, I knew I wanted more children. I was undecided at first, but after seeing his wee face and how Carter interacts with him I don’t know that I am content with the thought of being 27 years old and never being pregnant again. Never having another infant. No more children. I can’t even wrap my brain around it.
As a couple we still remain undecided about whether we can, financially, have more children so I am not take this stage for granted by any means. My house can wait to be cleaned and though I get hives when I think about the state of my garden, it doesn’t compare to the time I am sharing with my second born.
Being on the computer, my blog (and yours!), has been replaced with quite time with my child (and not so quite when Carter’s home). There is no guilt, not even a second thought. I don’t have the urge that once consumed me - to be here, to read, to contribute because I am contributing to something a little bit closer to home: a little bit more significant.
I am completely content to sit in my overstuffed armchair, pinned beneath the weight of Hudson’s tiny sleeping body, our breathing in rhythm. I am alright with being completely disheveled, un-showered and covered in spit up if it means just a moment longer.
8 Comments
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I do believe you have stumbled upon the secret to a life without regrets. Good for you.
I, too, ached for a third immediately after my second was born. And we also hesitated due to finances and worries (firstborn with mild autism challenges). My second starts Kindergarten in the fall. How is this possible?
Anyway, I’m OK with my two boys right now. More than OK. But there is always that ache for another. It was worse and now it has subsided. And I’m learning to embrace the beautiful stages of motherhood that are not only about the smell of my precious infants, but about explaining the meaning of words, counting down the days to the release of a anticipated movie, finding a way not to mourn the loss of chubby cheeks, but rejoicing in the glimpses of the men they will become, showing them the world. I think that is another secret to motherhood…even though you are never really sure that you are done, you find a way to be OK and exceedingly grateful for what you have.
For me, I’m learning that always wanting babies, which is definitely a reality, is the same as wanting to stay 22 forever. There are things you mourn when that time passes, but…well, I hope you can get what I’m trying to say here.
zdoodlebub’s last blog post..56 words
June 27th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
good for you.
enjoy it.
and don’t regret it!
June 27th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Enjoy it and don’t ever regret it! We will be here when Hudson is older, Promise!
justmylife’s last blog post..In memory of the best ranter on Earth!
June 27th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
when you are holding him and his little eyes flutter closed? Doesn’t it just make breathing just so much more worth it?
flutter’s last blog post..Therapy Notes: Don’t BS me
June 27th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Ah yes, do enjoy.
RubiaLala’s last blog post..Start Up Experience
June 27th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Good for you.
Aren’t they just so precious! I also felt the same way…cuddled a bit more with Kyle. It was harder for me though as I still had the older one at home LOL
Don’t worry about us. We will still be here when you are back. Enjoy your time with your son.
Brenda’s last blog post..Where does the time go?
June 28th, 2008 at 8:14 am
Good for you. I am 41 and I’m done having babies…because, well I feel I’m too old. I have 3 and though grateful, I wish I could have one more. I always wanted 4 but it wasn’t in the cards for me. Because of circumstances I never feel I “enjoyed” my children when they were infants. Now I wish I could have another chance.
Enjoy every second!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Kate’s Foundation
June 28th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Beautiful. It really does take the experience of watching an infant grow so quickly to know how fast that time seems to fly by, with only pictures to remember each and every day.
Thought you might enjoy this poem. It’s a family favourite.
What Did I Do Today?
Today I left some dishes dirty, the bed got made around 3:30.
The diapers soaked a little longer, the odor grew a little stronger.
The crumbs I spilled the day before, are staring at me from the floor.
The fingerprints there on the wall, will likely be there still next fall.
The dirty streaks on those window panes, will still be there next time it rains.
Shame on you, you sit and say, just what did you do today?
I nursed a baby till he slept, I held a toddler while she wept.
I played a game of hide and seek, I squeezed a toy so it would squeak.
I pulled a wagon, sang a song, taught a child right from wrong.
What did I do this whole day through? Not much that shows, I guess that’ s true.
Unless you think that what I’ve done, might be important to someone,
With bright brown eyes and soft brown hair; if that is true…I’ve done my share.
~Author Unknown
June 29th, 2008 at 12:47 pm