July 10th, 2008
I like nature. I love trees, flowers, the rolling hills of a rural landscape. I love sitting by the open water, taking in sunrises and sunsets. I enjoy sitting by a campfire at dusk or waking to the sound of the bird chirping.
The only thing that gets between me and my love of nature is bugs.
Namely earwigs.
Those fuckers just wig me out.
Much, MUCH to my dismay they are infesting my house this summer.
I am itchy and sketchy all the time. Every twinge - I think they’re on me.
Mike enjoys playing on this fear of mine even encouraging Carter to pick them up and bring them to me.
(Is it bad that I make my almost three year old carry his prized bug to the garbage and dispose if it himself?)
I loathe getting up at night to nurse Hudson. Not for the fact that he’s awaken me from my peaceful slumber with his squawking requests for a boob to be shoved down his throat, but for the mere fact that the earwigs are nocturnal and are very likely plotting their attack as I sit innocently in my living room.
I scope out the room as I turn on the light. I shove the pacifier in Hudson’s mouth to drown him out as I make sure they’re not in my chair.
Gah, even the thought of them at this moment has we wigging out!
Carter spotted the pocorn bag I had left on the counter from last night and requested some after his lunch. It was mostly just the remnants that I had planned to throw out after I polished off most of the bag ate what I could but I figured what the heck. I was sitting nursing Hudson at the time, so I instructed him to do the work himself bring me a bowl and the bag so I could pour some for him, then shove a small handful in my mouth; I just happened to look down at the bag, as I placed it on the coffee table, and saw an earwig crawling along the INSIDE OF THE BAG.
Because I had Hudson in my arms I had to remain somewhat calm.
So I jumped up and tossed the kid into the swing as I proceeded to jump up and down hysterically. I whisked the bowl out of Carter’s hands and chucked it in the kitchen sink before the poor kid had any idea what was going on. As he wailed inconsolably, I watched that disguting, vile insect emerge from the bag. I wadded up a HUGE thing of papertowel and coaxed myself into believing that it was just a small insect, that I could do this, I could scoop it up and do away with it, no problem.
I approached the table.
I dropped the papertowel ontop of the earwig.
I cringed.
I squished it beneath my hand.
I screamed.
The popcorn bag fell to the ground spilling its remaining contents.
Carter broke into a roaring laugh.The little fucker was just loving the fact that I was so wigged out.
I picked up the papertowel and squished a little more.
I screamed again.
Carter screeched with laughter.
I cleaned up the mess after disposing of the bug all while Carter was standing behind me shrieking ; “There’s anudder one mummy! Anudder one!”
There were no more (that I saw).
He’s already learned just how to get my goat.
I’m in for some serious trouble.
Plus, I’m never eating or sleeping again.
Ugh. They are the worst! Skeevy little fuckers!
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Guarded
July 10th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
That is so gross, I almost couldn’t finish reading this it was so yucky. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I hope you are able to get rid of them soon!
Diane’s last blog post..Kissy face
July 10th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I stand in solidarity, with my dainty middle digit extended.
flutter’s last blog post..The best parts of being the other half
July 10th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
HATE. hate hate hate earwigs.
July 10th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
I hate those little fuckers and they are hard to squish. Of course, I have an even bigger fear of them because of what likes to eat them.
Scorpions.
So I am giving nature a big ole middle finger salute today, too.
Natalie’s last blog post..Crazy Neighbor Lady Story Time!
July 10th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Spiders are considered bugs, right??
Truth be known, spiders are the only thing that can make every one of my manly man genes cower in fear while my estrogen level rises to like, 4,000 or something.
Great post!
July 10th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
see I am that way with Spiders, and we have some around here that we could leash and keep as pets..nasty little shits. I hate spiders…SICK. I hate earwigs too ftr.
KD (A Bit Squirrelly)’s last blog post..CRAP: My Go-To Word
July 10th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
When I was a kid, my parents moved into a new house in a brand new housing tract. The tract was built into the side of a hill, so there was a lot of, uh, “natural wildlife” that was disrupted. It wasn’t uncommon for tarantulas to just walk down the street. But those little earwigs would ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS find a way into our house. I would never walk around barefoot. If a room didn’t have a light on, I wouldn’t go in it. So what I’m sayin’ is, I’m right there with ya.
heather’s last blog post..Perfectly Common
July 10th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
Oh, Sam. Oh, poor dear Sam. The past 2 summers we have had earwigs SO BAD in our BEDROOM that I’ve had to sleep on the couch. I would start finding them in MY BED getting ready to BURROW IN TO MY BRAIN THROUGH MY EAR (Google why they are called earwigs. Go on. I dare you.) and so I slept on the couch for 3-4 months until they would all go away again. THANKFULLY they haven’t been as bad this year. Yet. I’m hoping they aren’t going to come out in full force now that it’s getting hotter. Praying. And hoping. And getting very scared.
Be brave. Also, flush the bastards, I can’t even count how many I’ve squished that have come back to life angry and ready to pinch me with their little butt pinchers.
Karly’s last blog post..Farm Livin’ Is The Life For Me…
July 10th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I didn’t know what those looked like, so I had to google them. Ick. I like most bugs, but these things make my skin crawl!
Devilish Southern Belle’s last blog post..I needed that!
July 11th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Eww…I too had to google to search what earwigs are. Yucks, looks like cockroaches and I absolutely hate and fear cockroaches.
Serena’s last blog post..Moving Boxes For Our Troops Giveaway [Digg]
July 11th, 2008 at 5:30 am
eewww, yuck!! I also have a fear of bugs…thankfully we haven’t had any in the house this year. But mosquitoes are bad this year, which keeps me from hanging outside, much to the kids dismay.
At least Carter doesn’t fear them,but he may use it against you someday!
Brenda’s last blog post..Are you worthy for Toby?
July 11th, 2008 at 8:19 am
omygod omygod omygod. I just google image searched those things and …. I screamed. those things are actually IN YOUR HOUSE????
Holy shit, those fuckers are disgusting and vile. We dont have those where I live (MN) and I am so friggin glad. But I feel for you.
July 12th, 2008 at 12:31 pm