August 28th, 2008
Thank you so much for your stories about The Fall. As horrible as it sounds, it’s really reassuring to hear other stories about what’s happened with your children. (*ahem* Joovy, I’m still waiting to hear from you though!)
When Carter was about five or six months old and just begun moving around on his own I didn’t think much about resting him on our bed as I got ready in the morning afternoon. I have a sliding glass door on my closet and I have full view of my bed while I apply my make-up. Well, apparently my view wasn’t as clear as I thought because I saw Carter squirm a little, not realizing just how close he was to the edge of the bed, I didn’t react. Not until I turned around did I realize that he was on the verge of falling; and that he did, head first to the hardwood below.
Our bed is rather high - about hip height, and I’m 5′7″, so I’m guessing it’s maybe about three feet from the ground. THUD! He didn’t wail until I scooped him up and cuddled him, expecting for anything broken or damaged. My heart would have burst up through my throat had I not swallowed it down. I’ve never felt guilt so intense, not until The Fall.
When having children, we sign that unwritten, unspoken contract that we will forever protect them from harm. We will save them embarrassment and we will do everything in our power to prevent tears and shame. We will teach our children values, responsibility and manners. We will lead by example and our unconditional love for them will never falter. As a parent, we will never harm our children nor allow them harm at the hands of another.
Forget making sure there’s food on the table, shelter over their heads and clothes on their back, (Okay, well don’t because that’s extremely important as well) but we’ve resigned ourselves to failure. We will not be able to stop embarrassment. We cannot keep them from harm forever and we will unintentionally, maybe even unknowingly, cause them pain sometime throughout their lives.
The parenting gig ain’t what it’s all cracked up to be. Ya, babies are cute, but the moral, emotional and physical obligation to each child we conceive and rear is unfathomable. While Carter was growing in my womb, my first thoughts were not of how I was going to mold and create this child into the person he will become. I did not think about how my actions and words would be absorbed and eventually used by a child that is ultimately, a reflection of me.
Before having children I had envisioned just how I would raise them. I would be ‘normal’. I wouldn’t change who I am, how I talk or what I talk about for the sake of my child. I figured they would learn anyway, and I would rather it be me (or Mike) that taught them.
I never fully baby-proofed while Carter was younger. My intentions, though pure, may have been made out of laziness rather then intelligence. Our glass coffee table was only removed from the living room after Carter climbed on top of it - not once, not twice but four times. Each time threatening to fall through the glass with each step or even jump off the table.
I never put glass vases or picture frames out of reach. I preferred to re-direct and teach them that they were not for little hands to touch. For the most part, I think we were very successful.
Until one thing that I’ve said I wouldn’t do came back and bit me in the ass.
I said I would never tie down a piece of furniture, instead I would teach my child that televisions are not for climbing; we do not climb our dresser drawers.
(You know where this is going, don’t you?)
I never anticipated what additional child proofing would be required for a toddler.
A toddler with an infant brother who is very time consuming.
A toddler that would be very independent and wish to dress himself.
A toddler that would climb that dresser to get to his underwear drawer.
That very toddler who lives in this house and pulled over his dresser trying to get to his underwear drawer.
*the tears are stinging as I write this*
THANK GOD he wasn’t hurt. THANK GOD he was off to the side (like a ladder) and not at the very front because not only would he have been pinned below a dresser but also against the bed, which could have been extremely dangerous.
If not deadly.
With these ‘accidents’ we’ve had over the past week and a half: The Fall, hitting his head on the ceramics, and now this dresser, I can’t help but feel I’m screwing up. I can’t help but feel that I am a shitty parent.
Okay, it’s been a rough week. I digress.
But it’s hard. It’s fuckin’ hard. How can I be everywhere and protect him from everything? How do I protect my heart that innocently lives outside my body?
Both my hearts.
Though Hudson is very small, he’s already experienced pain because of my thoughtlessness. My disregard for the possible dangers, though I know they exist.
Even though it’s a distant memory for them both already, it’s eating me up. The astounding guilt I feel for failing them.
Failing to protect my hearts.
Yeah, well, it’s very hard, and a lot of times you have these kinds of things one after the other, and then you feel like a super shit mom, but I think it’s safe to say we’ve all been there.
Example: my son was on his changing table, and he has been a wiggle worm since day 1. I have, countless times, left him on there to grab a diaper–so stupid–but gotten away with it. But then, one time I actually bend down to pick up a diaper covered in poop, WITH MY OTHER HAND STILL ON HIM, he wiggles free and falls SMACK on the ground. Thank god he landed on his side, and not his head, and though he cried, he was fine.
It’s part of them growing up, I think. We do our absolute best, and we try to be as attentive as possible, but we cannot protect them from everything.
And you know what, my parents were drunk and emotionally absent most of my childhood. And I made it through without any physical damage–so I think we’re going to be OK!
anna’s last blog post..Waxing in LA, Everybody Waxes in LA, Waxing in LA, Everybody Waxes in LA, &c.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
We’ve tethered bookshelves in both the nursery (her first room) and her bedroom, more out of my wife’s paranoia than anything. The nursery and our bedroom have dressers that are not tethered but could easily serve the same purpose as your son’s. Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be tethering more furniture this weekend once I tell my wife about this?
I’m glad everyone is OK. And don’t be too hard on yourself; this parenting gig IS hard.
SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Five Weeks From Today
August 28th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
We all have our stories - I think I mentioned how my daughter nearly swallowed a RAZOR last week, and how I also totally let her fall off the bed when she was an infant? Well, the list goes on. Honestly. It makes me wonder what I don’t notice that I’ve done wrong.
One day I drove 20 minutes to my mother’s house with Boopie in the back. When I got there, I realized that I hadn’t buckled her into her carseat. Terrifying. I live in MA - drivers here are particularly idiotic.
Then there was the time she got a knife out of the dishwasher because I had opened it to let some of the steam out, and she pulled the door down and wanted to “help”.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is…. it’s not just you, and many, many parents have had the exact same experiences. We learn from them. No matter how many things we prepare for, there will always be those that we didn’t - whether out of laziness (parenting is a change for all of us) or ignorance (again with the change!)
It’s rough, but hang in there. Your boys will be fine! And you’ll never make those mistakes again.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
You’re not failing! Accidents happen all the time no matter how careful we are.
Thankfully he is ok! I’ve yet to tether Samantha’s dresser, I’ve caught her trying to climb up her bookshelf but she got down when she heard me yell!
Repeat, you are not failing!!
Hugs to you!
Gabriella’s last blog post..Uplifted, Happy and Clearheaded…Almost
August 28th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
If what happened means your failing as a mother, then maybe we should start a club… my 9 year old (whose name is also Carter) pulled a dresser on himself when he was 2. It happens, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned being a mom, is that you can’t protect them from everything… as hard as we try.;)
Sam’s last blog post..Is This “As Good As It Gets”?
August 28th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Protecting them from everything makes them inadequate to handle life. You are a good mom.
flutter’s last blog post..I don’t really know
August 29th, 2008 at 1:34 am
One time I found my son hiding in a corner with a razor blade. He had cut his leg twice. I have never in my life had the that I had. It was horrible. I have no idea where this razor blade came from because I use VEET.
I bet you are an excellent mother. Accidents happen all the time. I don’t think you could find a mom that hasn’t had some kind of incident like falling down the stairs, off a changing table, eating something etc etc.
Meg’s last blog post..Master Baker He Is
August 29th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Thank you once again for your wonderful comments. You guys are just fabulous.
You know, we’ve had smaller accidents as well, but these are the ones that really stick out. It’s part of parenting, I know. I just sucks The Big One.
August 29th, 2008 at 10:56 am
I was the same way, I would just teach my child they couldn’t climb/play with/…Ha! After many near misses, just like you, I’ve learned.
It is hard. It’s scary being THE person in charge of protecting another life.
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children’s last blog post..Tell me she’s not talking about her crotch again
August 29th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
@Jennifer Playgroupie: Ugh. It totally sucks being that person. THEN when the other person (read: husband) comes home and says “well, why weren’t you watching him?” Nice. Real Nice.
Yeah, hindsight is always 20/20.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Hugs. Big, warm, long, hugs, with back pats and rubs.
You’re okay.
You’re normal.
It’s fucking hard — this motherhood thing. The older they get, the harder it is (but in a sense easier when they don’t need to be WATCHED all the time…I cling to that…).
while you worry about the physical dangers, I’m constantly stressed about the psychological. My daughter — afraid of her own poop — how do I deal with THAT?
Just know you’re not alone. Let the guilt go. Give yourself permission to make a mistake. He’s OKAY. Thank God. All we can do is our best.
Take a break tonight…. You’re GREAT. A GREAT MOM! KNOW that. xoxoxo
Haley-O’s last blog post..Permission to CHILL OUT
August 29th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
You have boys. It’s got nothing to do with not being a good enough parent. I think they sniff out danger and go for it.
Matt does it all the time. It scares the crap out of me.I totally know where you’re coming from. We’ve had so many near misses that there are days I’m a wreck. We’ve also had a ton of accidents - and it’s always stuff you can’t predict.
Also, when Chloe was like 2 weeks old Matt sent her stroller flying and he was under it. I froze. My neighbour was the one who pulled the stroller off him - and calmed me down
LD’s last blog post..Girls Night Out
August 29th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
oh hon..you are being so hard on yourself. You CAN’T be everywhere at once. I know every parent has some story similar to this. You are NOT a bad parent. (((HUGS)))
Brenda’s last blog post..My Road trip!
August 30th, 2008 at 8:39 am
There was this time, around 2, when my daughter got hurt about 12 times in 3 days by doing things like falling, walking, or running into just about everything.
I thought Social Services was going to break down my down.
But something happened, she learned to be more careful and more importantly - how to take a fall and get back up.
And then I never had to baby-proof everything in the house.
August 30th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Everybody has the stories. Scarbie’s baby fell off the bed a month or two ago and broker her collarbone. She felt like crap. Mine, at 6 months, fell down a full flight of hardwood stairs when I left her with my mom and went down without gating the stairs. I couldn’t even tell my husband for 3.5 YEARS about that. I literally told him just a few months ago. As long as they are okay, it means you’ve had your scare, will take care of the babyproofing business where dangerous (picutre frames? Not so dangerous, you know?), and they will be fine. And so will you, once you forgive yourself and know you’re not the only one!
kittenpie’s last blog post..High-Low
September 1st, 2008 at 12:21 am