September 9th, 2008
I am not the cook in this family, and I’m not ashamed to say so. I can cook (for the most part), but I choose not to. I don’t enjoy it and I’m far too impatient to wait for the outcome which usually leaves me making macaroni and cheese or sandwiches or something to that extent when Mike’s not home. He continually gives me a hard time because I just don’t cook. I say when he starts cleaning after himself *maybe* I’ll start cooking. But, I digress.
I cooked last night.
Kinda.
While perusing WalMart on Sunday we came across a fondue pot. We both have talked about buying one and what better opportunity than when you’re wandering about WalMart looking for items to blow hard earned money on.
So fondue for dinner last night.
image from bfeedme.com
I took Hudson grocery shopping yesterday to gather all the items we would need: cheese, fruits, bread, chocolate. Simple enough, right? I mean, how hard can fondue really be? (No, I’ve never actually ‘cooked’ for fondue before. I’ve eaten it many times.)
Mike, a wine hater, refused to use the wine cheese and requested Velveeta cheese instead. I am not partial to the Velveeta (unless it’s the macaroni because YUM!) and bought wine cheese for myself which didn’t get made because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE DON’T NEED THAT MUCH CHEESE! Needless I say I was a little pissed off that my cheese would have been too much. WTF?
Fighting ensued, as it seems to more and more often these days - AGAIN - and when that happens everything else is usually ruined but I was determined to make this the fun! and exciting! dinner I had envisioned. I wasn’t going to let selfishness and inconsiderate behaviour *ahem* ruin our family time, dammit.
I should have known that the evening was headed in a downward slope from this point on, but I digress.
Back to how Easy! fondue is to make!
Put the cheese in the pot and stir, right? Ya, that’s what I thought too. Mike went about melting the cheese while I tended to Hudson and Carter, I could smell this gawd awful aroma of fuel and melting/burning cheese but opted not to question what was happening. It turns out that the melting pot is not exactly meant for melting. Apparently it’s supposed to be melted in a pot on the stove prior to going in the MELTING POT.
I kid you not. How’s that for fuckin’ with your mind?
Needless to say cheese was melted, and CRUSTED to the bottom of the pot rendering it nearly inedible. I say nearly because apparently BURNT cheese is more enjoyable for a toddler than a perfectly cooked steak dinner.
Thinking things may improve with a little chocolate (because what can’t chocolate fix?) I prepared a water bath on the stove and began melting the chocolate wafers I bought.
Now, let me set the mood for you: the water boiling on high, chocolate melting, Carter running around, baby crying and husband pouting. Great atmosphere, right? LOVE. IT. You know you’re jealous.
Chocolate perfect consistency, my mouth is watering just thinking about scooping it up with a plump, ripe strawberry.
Cue distraction.
Cut back to beautiful, wonderful soupy chocolate which is apparently not so soupy anymore but erring on the side of sand-like consistency.
Fuck!
Apparently you can overcook chocolate. Who knew?
I wasn’t going to give up on it. I can’t turn my back on chocolate no matter the situation.
Instead of dipping my fruit into the creamy goodness I was hoping for I was scooping chocolate crystals on to my knife and attempting to smear it on pineapple, banana and strawberries.
I was damned if I wasn’t going to give this all the fight I had.
The fight didn’t last long.
I conceded to the overcooked chocolate and burnt cheese. I was officially the loser.
As I cleared the table, cursing under my breath, I felt an incredible urge just throw it all in the garbage and never attempt it again. Instead I asked Mike: “You think we can scrub the shit outta the pot and pawn it off as a Christmas gift?”
Who knew there was an art to cooking fondue?
Chocolate is very temperamental. I’d stick to half a tonne of cheese as the burned bit are actually yummier.
See what happens why I fix my google reader and blogroll! [although not on the wordpress site as that beyond my capabilities right now.]
Cheers
Maddy’s last blog post..Tackle it Tuesday - Welcome home
September 9th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I can picture that hapening at my house. Better luck next time. And yes, it can be cleaned up and pawned off on a neighbor maybe you don’t like so much. heh!
justmylife’s last blog post..Finally a weekend update!
September 9th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
ha. But, you know, Walmart takes ANYTHING back. I’d trade it in for some wine - hold the cheese.
ktjrdn’s last blog post..Jumping the gun
September 9th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
@ktjrdn: Srsly. I think I have to do that. Or give it to someone who knows that the heck they’re doing. TOTAL FAIL.
September 9th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
OK, I’m not a snob, I’ve never had fondue, BUT VELVEETA WITH FONDUE???!!
I love burnt cheese. I’m not kidding. It’s yummy.
Now I want to make fondue. That might be something my child would be into and I can trick him into eating something good for him! Oh wait, that never worked before.
September 9th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
@Natalie: Srsly. I didn’t think Carter was going to be that into it, but he was eating it up! I think if it actually turned out he would have ate all the fruit and bread!
September 9th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
The one time we made fondue, we did the hot peanut oil thing with steak.
Deep fried steak. Sizzling. Sputtering. On the kitchen table. Let that roll around in your head for a minute.
It took two days of wipe downs to make our table NOT like an air hockey table.
SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Oh Em Eff Gee
September 9th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
To quote my husband, “Your fondue was a fondon’t”!!!!
My sister had a fondue party for my 30th birthday. It was really good. There were no kids around though. (except the baby).
Good for you for attempting.
We tend to order in pizza for family night!
LD’s last blog post..First Day of School … Well Kind of!
September 9th, 2008 at 3:38 pm
So that’s why “The Melting Pot” (a restaurant around here, maybe near you too?) is so damn expensive.
Never fear, my dear. I made cookie soup once. No, it wasn’t supposed to be soup. And no, I have no idea how it happened. Those cookies went in semi-solid and 1 hour(!) later, came out as pure liquid.
It defies science.
I’m sorry that your evening was ruined… looking back it’ll be really funny! (maybe) Especially if you try again. Try, try again!
September 9th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
LOL! Messing up a fondue recipe is totally something I would do too. I almost burned down the house the other day when I forgot that I had a pan on the stove with oil in it. I left the room to return to smoke everywhere 5 minutes later. Needless to say, the smoke alarms weren’t working.
Cristina’s last blog post..Think Before You Pink
September 10th, 2008 at 2:12 am
You were brave to try it in the first place!! Sorry it didn’t work out.
Brenda’s last blog post..Trip to St. Paul MN
September 10th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Hey, at least you tried right?
I hate when my dh tries to insist on using certain ingredients when I want to use something else. I’m the one cooking, dammit! Just eat it!
supermommy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Odd Man Out
September 10th, 2008 at 9:46 am
We are one and the same. I do not love to cook either. I do it…but it’s a lot of what can I pull out of the freezer and shove in the oven rather then the from scratch kinda deal…unless I’m feeling particularly ambitious (which is practically never)
I’m thinking I may try this fondue thing…now that I know what not to do
WM’s last blog post..Things that are making my week
September 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@LD: Fondue - fondon’t LMAO! That’s FUNNY!
September 10th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
@supermommy: My husband’s insisting sometimes resembles that of a teenage tantrum. It’s very hard to ignore and oh! so! annoying.
I truly don’t know how my mother managed. LOL I see I am going to slowly find out what it was like for her.
September 10th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
i have never had fondue. probably because i’m terrified to try to do it myself!
September 10th, 2008 at 4:26 pm