Hudson and I have a very different relationship in comparison to what Carter and I shared; I now see that maybe my urge for him to grow up and experience things overcame the loving and bonding we could (or should) have shared. Maybe I could have held him more, even played together more? He’s a completely healthy, outgoing and super independent toddler that I don’t think I would do anything differently.
But once night would fall, I couldn’t think of anything else but getting some alone time before I went to bed. Once 9pm came I was done but all he wanted to do was cuddle and be held, all I wanted to do was crash on the couch and watch some mindless television.
By four months we had begun The CIO Method.
Yes, Ferberization, The Ferber Method… Cry It Out.
In less than 2 weeks, Carter was sleeping through the night and is still a great sleeper, minus some nights of bad dreams and needing to pee, of course.
Hudson is a completely different story which I could kind of sense from day one. He’s emotional, craves touch and very mellow. He’s very much a sensitive soul.
This has brought on Attachment Parenting – the holding, the wearing (only sometimes though since I don’t really enjoy it), the tenderness, the constant cuddles and the co-sleeping.
(We did and do use Attachment Parenting with Carter just not to the extreme I’ve noticed with Hudson.)
What could you hate about that you’re wondering?
Well, I don’t really hate; in fact, I kinda like the loving, cuddly happy baby part, but the co-sleeping? I could totally do without.
I am in no way knocking those who do, nor those who have a family bed. It’s just not my cup of tea is all: I like my space when I’m sleeping and having a baby in the bed freaks the shit out of me to be frank. We tried the bassinet beside the bed thing and it wasn’t working; it’s come to the point where I’ve put the guest bed in the nursery and moved in with Hudson where we sleep together.
(Sounds so wrong. Hi, I’m 12.)
But I don’t sleep well because I am afraid of rolling and smothering baby forgetting that he’s in the bed with me (which has nearly happened already!).
For the most part, it’s working alright I just miss being in my bed with my blanket stealing, kicking and snoring husband.
Weird. I know.
I’m ready for Hudson to be in his own bed and me in mine, but I need help getting there.
I know how to do the crying it out thing, that’s not the trouble. But what I don’t know what to do about is teaching the baby to cry it out with a toddler sleeping in the room adjacent to the nursery. Carter’s a decent sleeper, but I know if he heard his brother losing his shit next door, he’d be up in a shot.
Enlighten me with your assvice.
(Guess it’s not really assvice when I ask for it, is it?)
But! I don’t want to hear about how he’s too young to cry it out and how mean it is, because it’s not and it works and we’re happy with it and I’m hating co-sleeping: I’d rather my baby cry then be rolled on.
Now play nice.
{ 15 comments }
Big brother would live if little brother cried it out, pinky swear. You’d be amazed how the “ignore little brother at all cost” gene kicks into overdrive when necessity dictates.
But honestly, I’ll remind you that it won’t be too long from now when this is but a fleeting memory. Which doesn’t help you TONIGHT, but it may later.
Just do what feels best for you and your kids, whatever that it, co-sleeping or crying or whatever. You know what’s the right answer; you’ll feel it.
Mr Lady´s last blog post..Damn Near A Century Isn’t Half Bad
I worried about that too when Kyle was young. But you know, the older child gets used to it. Though I didn’t to CIO (I did with Ryan but didn’t with Kyle..go figure..but now he’s sleeping through the night anyway) but he did cry a lot during the night when he was a baby. It woke Ryan up of course, but after about a week he got used to it. And now big brother doesn’t wake up even in the morning when Kyle is having a full out temper tantrum in the morning. You’d be amazed at what they learn to sleep through.
It might be a rough week, but when it’s done you’ll be glad you did it.
Brenda´s last blog post..Happy Birthday Ryan!
@ Mr Lady:
Thanks Mr. Lady! My Carter is one of those that once he’s awake there’s no getting him back to bed – which scares the ever loving crap outta me. So trying to get his brother to cry it out worries me that he’ll just be up and then I have to deal with both of them. LOL
I’m trying it tonight. We’ll see how it goes…. *fingers crossed*
@ Brenda:
Oh, that makes me feel better! I think if Carter’s tired enough he *may* sleep through it – here’s to hoping!
Sam: I have two suggestions
1) Consider setting up the pack n’ play in the living room. Feed him, and then lay him to sleep and let him cry. He’ll figure it out, and there will be some space between him and Carter.
2) (this is what I did) I put a cd player with nature sounds in Noah’s room which was right next to Taylors. I put it on and used a baby monitor (the recieving end in tay’s room) and let it play. There was soft music in his room, which was enough to take the edge of her crying, and in her room, that lulled her to sleep. They had that music together until they were three.
We actually did this while our girls shared a room and big sis didn’t even wake up. I am not a co-sleeper either – full blown panics, searching for the baby under the covers when she was actually in her crib!
We had a very very very similar situation! I didn’t co-sleep, but I did sleep in his room with him and nurse every two hours until he was 5 months. We did CIO with big bro at 4 months, but since little bro was such a different type of baby, I had a hard time bringing myself to do it… finally at 5 months Hubs put his foot down. What we did to keep big bro from waking was to put as much white noise as possible in each of the rooms – we used overhead fans and small clip on fans at night and also turned the hallway bathroom fan on… it worked well – big bro has only been woken up from little bro once. CIO took a lot longer with baby #2 – probably bc he was such a different type of baby. It’s been two months now and he still occasionally gets up in the middle of the night… but it’s a lot better than every two hours!!!!
MommyNamedApril´s last blog post..VHS & Boobs.
In addition to all these great ideas, I’d through in taking a look at your goal which is to get him to sleep alone through the night.
That’s the end goal but break it down into smaller ones that are reasonably achievable. You can do a modified CIO that takes it much slower – maybe the first night is going in after a minute and staying by the crib til he is asleep. And progressing to being further from the crib, out the door, down the hall, etc. All over the course of a few weeks.
In other words, take it slower and set it up so that you are having small “wins” along the way. It’ll help with the “3 steps forward, 2 steps back” part of sleep training.
Mamalooper´s last blog post..I have a ticking time bomb here…
I have no idea what they cost (we have one, unassembled, that we borrowed from a friend in case we need it), but there’s a co-sleeper thingamajig (believe it or not, spell check accepted that word) that is basically a three-sided playpen. Basically, it allows the baby to sleep in your bed without actually being in your bed. (Also, it’s probably rather big… like I said, we haven’t set ours up yet.) But maybe that could serve as a transition? You and your husband would be in the same bed, along with the baby (who would be safer than he is now, presumably).
You didn’t really get into the daily routine, but does he nap in a crib/bassinet/playpen? Maybe starting out with that will reduce the amount of crying when you transition him there for night sleeping?
SciFi Dad´s last blog post..Buddy’s Birth: Day One
You described the EXACT reasons we did CIO without my son – and he is to this day an EXCELLENT sleeper.
You also described my biggest concern with letting Emma go through the same thing initially.
But it finally got to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore. We did the CIO. And you know what? Her brother slept through it juuuust fine.
I only wish we would have done it sooner, because she STILL isn’t quite as good a sleeper as her brother. And having a hard time sleeping myself, I wish I could have given her that gift.
i wish i had some good advice, but *sigh*, i don’t. i didn’t do the co-sleeping thing. it a) scared the ever-loving crap out of me and b) i needed some ME time, and i was scared that i’d have a 5-year-old that wouldn’t sleep in her bed.
so, mine were in bassinets and cribs from the beginning. i was very big on putting them to sleep AWAKE and i wass very big on the paci. it’s what worked for me. but it doesn’t work for everyone.
ali´s last blog post..I went to bovine university and all i brought back was this lousy blog post…
@ Miss Britt:
Ya see, that’s my other concern – that he won’t be as good a sleeper as Carter if I keep catering to this madness!
Hey there – I did CIP with my first and my second and we only have a two bedroom house. My second did CIO in the same room as my older 2 year old and she didn’t even take the blindest bit o’ notice.
As said above, they seem to have this knowledge that it’s not their responsibility and they turn over and go to sleep. Even if Carter gets woken the first night, you can just say it’s nothing for you to worry about, honey, go back to sleep … and if he sleeps anyway well I bet he will.
Even when mine are ill (recently chest infections) they don’t disturb e o.
I reckon go for it! I think it’ll be fine
Good luck!
ps The co-sleeping freaked me out too!
CIP?????
CIO I meant obviously… ahem.
mrs nm´s last blog post..I Was Not Judging You, Promise
now of course I read the bit where you say Carter gets woken up and stays up… so I feel stoopid….
*blush*
ps – comment hogger that I am! whoops
mrs nm´s last blog post..I Was Not Judging You, Promise
Comments on this entry are closed.