For the most part, my brother and I shared gender neutral toys. We each had a Cabbage Patch Kid: mine a girl and his a boy, but from what I can remember, everything else was geared toward both of us. As we got older, the toys began to segregate and were more and more defined by gender. I with my pink and my brother with his blue. It’s just the way it was. It was an unspoken social calamity for a male child to be seen with anything remotely shaded in a feminine colour for he would be labeled: Gay. Homosexual. Fag. A fairy.
Enter the POWER! COLOURS!; a sign of the times changing. More men were, and still are, seen in brighter more supposed “feminine colours”: lavender, pink, baby blue (which I might add I find very attractive on a man). It’s more than acceptable and doesn’t carry the sigma of being of the homosexual variety. With most.
The men in my life (read: husband, brother and father) are comfortable with the colours and such, but still very much have the unrelenting belief that dolls are for girls. Boys do not play with dolls.
I, on the other hand, am a firm believer that an object such as a plastic doll cannot and would not determine the sexual orientation of a human being: be it a female or male.
Mike and I have had many discussions which have ended on the verge of a fight because Carter has asked for the Mariposa Barbie Doll for Christmas.
I’m all for it and he’s against it – obviously – and we are both so very adamant out or respective positions that I am on the brink of losing my mind because I am so disgusted with the fact that such an insignificant item, such as a Barbie doll, has caused such an uproar between us. It’s a fuckin’ chunk of plastic that I am willing to buy just to prove my point.
Mike’s concern is partly of the perception people will have of our child, the teasing he could possibly endure, because he has a doll. What do I think of that? He’s THREE! The children at daycare wear tiaras, princess outfits and carry dolls. Girls and boys. I highly doubt that they are going to make fun of a Barbie doll but instead, try and take it for themselves.
The other significant worry he has is that it will turn our son gay. (Is it bad that I even cringe while writing that and feel a touch of embarrassment for my husband?) Playing with a doll will inevitably mean that our son will become homosexual. (I can’t even write it without rolling my eyes.)
[Mike is not a "gay basher" by any means; I wouldn't even classify him as a homophobic person. I'll say that he tolerates it. (Even though that sounds horrible. Tolerates it. Gah!)]
I am very open about my appreciation of any sexual orientation. It’s a personal decision and does not affect myself or my personal way of life. I believe love is love and everyone deserves to have love in their lives whether they find it with someone of the same sex or not. I am all for gay marriage, same sex couples, same sex adoptions, what have you – so I find it very difficult to see the logic of the other side of the spectrum.
Which leads me to Proposition 8.
Proposition 8 is an initiative measure on the 2008 California General Election ballot titled Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry. If passed, the proposition would “change the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California.” A new section would be added stating “only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.”
source: wikipedia
I could go on and on about how those of a same sex relationship deserve the same rights as those in a traditional man-and-woman relationship, but the real issue is civil rights.
The right for a person to make a choice.
The right for a person to choose.
The rights of a person regardless of their sexual orientation.
It’s about Human Rights.
To put it as simple as I possibly ever could:
Let’s review:
A doll is a doll is a doll.
A child is born free and oblivious to hate, racism and prejudice.
It is our job, as parents, as adults, to keep our children open minded and accepting.
It’s the only way we’ll ever win the battle against hate.
Whit says:
Well said.
October 24th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Naomi (Urban Mummy) says:
I have 2 boys, and we do have dolls in our house.
However, for a whole slew of other reasons, there will be no Barbie dolls in our house…I ABHOR them!
Each of my boys has their own doll (oompa toys has some amazing boy dolls), and they love to undress them. Older boy’s doll is anatomically correct, which has led to some interesting playtime.
My little one loves to take a doll and push it in the toy doll stroller we have (yes, we do have one…and it has (wait for it) pink on it.
Children like to nurture, and dolls are wonderful for all children. Perhaps as a compromise, try to find a nice waldorf style boy doll? They’re not overtly feminine, like Barbies, would your husband feel better? And you could put wings on it for Carter!
Naomi (Urban Mummy)´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Mr Lady says:
My middle son had a Dora party for his 4th birthday. PRE DIEGO. His favorite color was pink until he was 6. His first school backpack was a Dora backpack. And when he was 5, he stuck his tongue down his ‘girlfriend’s’ throat.
Buy him the Barbie. It’s okay.
Mr Lady´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Amie says:
Very well written post. My husband and I are also on polar ends of the girl toy/boy toy issue.
My response?
Torment dad.
Amie´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
SciFi Dad says:
I like to think I am open minded and not influenced by what other people think, but I would have to admit that I’d have a hard time buying my son that Barbie. I would buy other, more “baby doll” type dolls without hesitation, but going the route of Barbie (setting aside all of the issues she creates with her anatomically impossible shape) would be difficult if not impossible for me.
I’m not judging; I’m just trying to be honest.
SciFi Dad´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Double Agent Girl says:
I’ve always allowed my children the toys they CHOOSE to play. I’ve received the same negative commentary. Especially since my son is very emotional.
The way that I look at it is this:
1) A toy -as you say – will not determine the sexuality of a child. That is inherent, and will be what it is.
2) Homosexuality doesn’t change your child. If that is the person your child is, they still grow up to be normal, successful adults. Isn’t that what we hope for?
Praying for the day that we’re all considered normal – no matter who we love.
Double Agent Girl´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
justmylife says:
Well said! My husband is the same way. My nephew played with Dora,even after Deigo came out, until he started 1st grade. He thought it was odd that such a “macho” boy would play with dolls. I continuely told him how stupid that sounded!!
justmylife´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Anne Glamore says:
One of my boys carried around a naked baby doll (“Naked Baby”) from the day a girl left it at our house until the date of The Naked Baby Kidnapping Caper (the title of a post that I cannot make link:
http://www.mytinykingdom.com/2005/02/16/the-naked-baby-kidnapping-caper/
It was probably 5 years total. I’m happy to report that I now catch him fondling his penis just as often as his non-doll-toting brothers.
October 24th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Julia says:
Mike’s concern is partly of the perception people will have of our child, the teasing he could possibly endure, because he has a doll.
You can’t worry about what other people think. Their opinion of your child doesn’t matter. What matters is making your son happy and if a Barbie doll does that, then big deal.
Julia´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 24th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
flutter says:
well if doilies are the yardstick, then I guess I am gay. I honestly never saw the big deal with boys playing with dolls.
I was knee deep in mud until I was 13.
October 24th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
shannah says:
Hey Sam – my son has played with barbies, dolls and every other girl toy in my house since birth – nothing wrong with it in my eyes. He’s still as much boy as every other little guy on the playground. :0 )
shannah´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 25th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Hilly says:
I have no idea what it is with men and dolls. I mean, why can we let boys have “action figures” (which in my opinion are just boy dolls) yet not have a cute little Barbie. Hey, maybe the kid just likes women so much that he wants to have his own to fondle!
Hilly´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 25th, 2008 at 11:19 am
samantha says:
Why are you all writing the same posts as me? LOL
Commentluv is out to get me.
October 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
iMommy says:
Well said. I’m a strong believer that nature, not nurture, determines our sexuality; society, our parents, etc — the nurture part — will only serve to either encourage or accept a natural tendency, or tamp it down.
Get another relative to buy the doll
iMommy´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 25th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
MagicMom says:
That was really well stated. They had a doll in my son’s montessori classroom. Part of their curriculum was playing with that doll. I always found it really sweet watching my son nurture it. It can be such a blessing. I’m doubting the power of a toy to choose a child’s sexual orientation, as I always played with Ertl tractors and such. But I guess that’s the double standard: girls can have their hair short and wear jeans, but a boy can’t do the same. Hey isn’t that a Madonna song?
MagicMom´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 25th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
J. says:
Awesome post Sam.
J.´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 25th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
BMac says:
Attraction isn’t a choice.
BMac´s last blog post..Dollies Will Make My Son a Homosexual
October 25th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Deb on the Rocks says:
You are my hero!
Deb on the Rocks´s last blog post..Check Your Sexism At The Door Mister
October 26th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
martymankins says:
I had a kewpie doll when I was 3 (at least the photos my mom took of me prove that) and I turned out pretty straight. So I am living proof the doll did nothing.
Great post and voting NO on 8 will keep hate out of the Calif. constitution.
martymankins´s last blog post..Let’s Make Out Like We’re 16 Year Old Virgins
October 27th, 2008 at 10:36 am
kittenpie says:
Try the charlotte zolotow book “William’s Doll.”
ye,s me with the book reco’s again.
kittenpie´s last blog post..Little Ladies Who (Need) Lunch
October 30th, 2008 at 5:13 am
samantha says:
@ kittenpie:
I love book recommendations! Keep them coming!
October 30th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Shawna says:
FYI– all those action figures that little boys play with ARE DOLLS!!!! Tell Mike that one.
None of my boys ever asked for dolls, but it would not have bothered me if they had… I could have bought them. And David–his favorite colors up until recently have been baby blue and pink! Yes, pink… but even he is aware of the stigma attached to it and keeps those facts between us, only sharing them with dad on occasion. He also likes girl toys of all sorts, but he is aware and represses his desires for the toys, again only confiding in me and with clarification that he knows they are girl toys… but they are so much prettier than the boy toys, they have more gadgets with them, they are more about human interactions. David is very visual and likes beauty–in nature, in stories and in items and toys. Does it make him homosexual–no. It just makes him a sensitive individual with an eye that many men may not have or simply may not acknowledge: sparkle, glitter, and color can be fun…. especially as a child!
Shawna´s last blog post..************************************************
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 am