It’s not the same as it once was, coming home. I don’t have that urge to meet up with the old friends who have remained here. There’s no reason for it other than I like to take the time I have to be with my family; for my kids to spend time with my parents. It’s not often that we have the chance to come here. Scratch that. It’s not often that we make the time to come here what with life in the city, our lives. Our family.
The boys and I took some time away over the weekend while Mike nursed his bronchitis / pneumonia to visit up north before the weather gets too bad and traveling will be far more challenging. I feel conflicted about visiting each and every time I’m here. A part of me longs for the country atmosphere: the slower pace, the friendly faces and the three street lights there are in town. But the other part can’t fathom leaving the city life behind.
I can picture us leaving and coming to live. Leaving our jobs, our house, our other family to be where I grew up. The thought of my boys playing in the school yard of the same schools I attended, having some of the same teachers that had taught me. I think about the possibilities of Carter joining a soccer league and playing with my friend’s son. Mike and I on the sidelines, along my friends. Friends I’ve known for what seems like ever.
In my mind, it creates a perfect picture.
But then I remember how badly I wanted out. How much I fought to get out of this place, to disassociate myself with so many things that were home. I think about how I wanted nothing more than to be in the city, to forget the country life and how I could never, or would ever return to live.
I’m torn. I think it’s inevitable that I would be.
{ 7 comments }
I always yearn for home, but once I’m there if feels suffocating. Not sure why…maybe it’s the wanting out that you talk about.
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children´s last blog post..The day the Internet died
The grass always seems greener on the other side, doesn’t it? I have a love/hate relationship with my hometown, too.
i so know EXACTLY what you are saying…
ali´s last blog post..THE moms
I NEVER thought I’d end up in my hometown…and yet, here I am. I’m not in my hometown, but I’m close enough. And dare I say I am glad I am? (I am.)
But I totally get what you’re saying. As usual.
(Did you get a package from me? PLEASE say you did…I sent that fucker like, two weeks ago!)
I am completely different on this point. I never wanted to move to the big city, I always wanted to stay in my hometown. Of course I could do without my in-laws so close. heh!
justmylife´s last blog post..When good deeds go bad…….
While I’d never want to move back to my hometown, we often talk of moving back to the small college town we lived in for awhile. But then we go through the same pros and cons of living in a small town versus a city. And we worry that moving away from the city, and Aaron’s dad, might affect his dad’s health by taking the girls away from him. Seems like there’s no right answer.
Christina´s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Blocked
Someone much wiser than me once wrote, “You can never go home again.”
You may return to the same structure you once called home, but it’s not the same home you left, and the difference is not the “home” changed, but that you have.
Now that my parents are gone, and most of my relatives, I have no reason to visit my hometown, but when business directs my path to that location, it is cold and impersonal. Traveling down the streets it’s hard to imagine they were the same streets where my friends and I would cavort, and enjoy the rigors of youth.
I think a more accurate slogan than, “Home Sweet Home”, is, “Home is where the heart is.” I have found my heart home to be the coziest place I know.
Don’t get discourage on your life’s journey. You have a wonderful gift in that you’re able to express you feeling by using the written word.
Keep writing, and in time…
Steve´s last blog post..Good Thing It Wasn’t Hard Salami
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