Carter is a great eater for the most part. A kid will eat when they’re hungry so I really don’t worry about his meals and snacks, when he’s hungry he’ll tell me.
He takes so long to complete a meal that I am beside myself; trying so hard not to grab the fork from his hand and shove the food in his mouth. Most nights his meal will take about an hour which leaves me feeling incredibly guilty when we’ve cleaned up the table and the kitchen while he’s still eating. Sitting there at the table chatting to himself, playing with his fork and just doing anything but eating.
There is no television on. We sit at a proper dining table as a family. There are no toys. The child will just talk, turn his fork into a rocket ship, a car, a monster while he nibbles slowly, if at all. Many meals end with Mike and I at each other’s throats because he insists on feeding Carter just to get it done and over with while I refuse to feed him. Carter will learn that we eat at dinner time and once Mommy and Daddy have cleaned the kitchen and the dishes are done, dinner is over.
(He will learn that, right? Please tell me he’ll learn that.)
So last night went the same as just about any other. Carter played, Mike and I ate, then we cleaned. After everything was done, the clock was coming up on and hour and fifteen minutes since we sat down, so I removed Carter’s plate from the table.
He proceeded to scream that he was eating that – which is clearly was not – and insisted that he get his plate back. I refused, cleaned up and we went about our night. Now, I typically hang on to the meal in case he asks later, but last night I did not.
He came back about a half hour later telling me that he was hungry and asked for a snack, which Mike and I both refused. Wishing I had saved his meal, we stood our ground. I didn’t offer up anything.
He contiued on about how hungry he was (which he normally doesn’t do) and that he needed his dinner (which he never asks for) but I didn’t give him anything hoping that he’ll realize that once dinner is over – it’s over.
After he went to bed, the guilt was overcoming me.
Am I going to create food issues in my child? Is he going to be paranoid that his food will be taken away therefore eating too much? Will he learn if he goes hungry for one night?
OMG is this child abuse making him go hungry!?
No matter how much we try; we think we’re doing the right thing, guilt is an overwhelming emotion that I just can’t deal with.
Ironically? It makes me eat. I eat when I feel guilty.Yipee! Emotional eating!
Regardless, he was alive this morning. The fasting had not killed him. We live to see another day.
A day where he sat at the table and scarfed down 6 (ADULT SIZE!) pancakes and a glass of milk before daycare, then ate his entire dinner tonight!
What have I learned from this?
Starve your child for results!
(THAT’S A LIE. I WILL NOT STARVE MY CHILD OFTEN. Please do not starve your child because it seemed to have gotten mine to eat. I will feel eternally guilty if your child withers away through the night because you withheld a meal on account of my post, with will in turn resulting in me gaining 600lbs trying to eat away my guilt.)
Gabriella says:
Good for you for standing your ground!! Our dinner time goes something like this; Samantha eats by herself for the first 10 min, she gets bored or tired of doing so, TV goes on, I end up feeding her dinner while eating mine at the same time. It is not pleasant but I’m so used to it now. I once tried not feeding her and she simply stopped eating and left the table, of course she was hungry later and I ended up making her toast. As much as I didn’t want to me & hubby were not on the same level so I gave in. I see this dinnertime routine happening for many years. I think. I pray not.
Gabriella´s last blog post..What to Say What to Say
November 19th, 2008 at 10:07 pm
SciFi Dad says:
We set a time after my wife and I are done eating (usually 5 minutes after both of us are at our wit’s end for waiting), and at that point we take away the plate. If it’s more than say 75% done, we toss it and she can have a snack later on before bed. If it’s not, we save it and she can eat it for a snack later if she wants.
I dunno. It works for us.
SciFi Dad´s last blog post..The Night I Was Scammed (But Not By Strangers)
November 19th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Steve says:
Reminds me of when my son was a tyke. Dinnertime meant almost anything but eating.
Then, he became a teenager!
All your worries about eating will be over. They do nothing but, and in huge amounts in record time.
Steve´s last blog post..Homonyms Are Our Friends
November 20th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Brenda says:
You totally did the right thing. Good job. I’ve done that before with Ryan. Dinner time is a big thing in our house. Our children are taught they are to eat, not play or goof around. When Ryan was little he would throw food on the floor. If it was done intentionally, I would take his food away and he’d be done..including no snack. He learned quickly not to do that. We also have a rule of no playing or goofing around during meals. We’ve had to take away food for that too. Dinner time we eat. No exceptions. He learned and was not harmed!
Now we are working on Kyle…who is having a much harder time with the concept of no throwing food. So far we’ve taken the food away but he hasn’t quite learned yet. lol
You are doing a great job Sam.
Brenda´s last blog post..Happy Birthday Ryan!
November 20th, 2008 at 9:08 am
ali says:
if my kids are taking forever to eat, i just get up and leave them there. mom of the year over here!
ali´s last blog post..more than a one-armed paper hanger
November 20th, 2008 at 9:47 am
mamatulip says:
My kids both went through several ‘dinner time’ phases. When J was about two she decided she’d start eating like Cookie Monster, which meant shoving the food in her mouth, chewing aggressively and then basically spitting it out. She also used to get up from seat to wander off and get toys while we were eating. O likes to stand up in his chair while he eats; he also likes to break his food up in to little pieces and drop them in his drink. (barf)
I’m fairly strict about dinner – we eat together, either in the kitchen at the breakfast bar or at the DR table, and are dinner time manners that I try to enforce (keyword: try. It’s apparently very fun to see how many times you can fart during dinner). My kids usually eat pretty quickly but if they’re poking along, once I’m done in the kitchen, they’re done. If they don’t finish their plates, there’s no dessert and no snacks for the rest of the evening (I am bending on this slightly w/ O, given his nose/throat troubles and how it’s affecting his appetite, but I don’t w/ J). It’s seldom that I let them have a dessert without finishing their plates, but I do sometimes.
For the most part, my kids are pretty good at the table, though they most certainly have their moments.
You’re doing a great job. Sorry this is a freakin’ novel.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Nat says:
The Boy will announce that he’s done. And walk away. Then he’ll come back and ask for a snack. So we take a harder line now. He has to eat X number of bites of (insert yucky food group here… usually veggies but sometimes meat.) Then we make it clear that there is NO dessert and NO snack until the morn. If he’s hungry, he’ll come back and finish his plate.
We also have a no toys, no books, no distractions at dinner. Sooo…. he’s learned. Still I feel like shit for depriving him of food.
November 20th, 2008 at 11:56 am
kellypea says:
I am LOVING this new sleek look. Whoa. Very, very nice. Sort of a zen thang to my eyeballs…
On the dinner. I could go on and on about this but will spare you. Carter will not starve, and good on you for holding to your decision. I have three lovely passive resisters who have all had their little issues at the table and thankfully we’ve survived them all. I was/am a hard-nosed loving mom who has three grown boys who all try food they think they may not like…and yes, one has huge food allergies/issues. Okay, so that kind of sounded like a lecture, huh?
kellypea´s last blog post..Carly Simon and Memories about Choices
November 20th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
justmylife says:
Wait, I can’t get past the part where you say hubby helps clean the kitchen. How do you do that?
OK, the not eating, he won’t starve if he misses a meal. You did the right thing not backing down. He will learn that meal time is for eating, not playing. My problem is mine doesn’t play, she just doesn’t eat in hopes of getting snacks later on.
Guilt is bad, we all have it for one reason or other, but you love him and are doing it for his own good, so take it easy on yourself.
justmylife´s last blog post..Battle of the Sexes!
November 20th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
kd@abitsquirrelly says:
Dude. You are my hero. I have this issue too and I think it’s because I am so paranoid about my kids not eating enough I give them too many snacks, then they are not hungry at meal times.
November 20th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
UrbanVox says:
my son won;t stop eating…
… at the wrong times…
and at this moment he decided he doesn;t like the taste of water so he needs juice!!!
OMG… what do I do???
UrbanVox´s last blog post..WTH just happened????
November 20th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
always home and uncool says:
Good for you. Thing 2 pulls the same routine and the same results happen the next day. Then next week it’s back to the same.
So, we’re semi-geniuses.
always home and uncool´s last blog post..Nothing But Puke and Plugs
November 21st, 2008 at 4:31 pm
mrs nm says:
Rowan and Carter are the same child – well in terms of eating. She was like this until about 3 months ago.
We stood our ground plenty of times and some days it worked and sometimes it didn’t but then suddenly she just snapped out of it. Now she just eats and eats and eats and nothing can get in her way of a good meal. Beats me because I spent at least 2 years trying to work out how she survived on a piece of toast and a bowl of rice crispies every 24hours.
Hang on – this has turned out sounding negative and it wasn’t meant to… what I was going to say was that I think in the end she sorted her issues out because she saw that we weren’t going to give in. Eventually she buckled and now she just eats!
I say parents one – child nil
mrs nm´s last blog post..Forever blowing
November 23rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Redneck Mommy says:
Reading this post brought me back to the old table battles we used to have when the kids were younger.
Now I have to yell at them to stop gulping their food and actually chew it.
Sigh. It never ends.
Redneck Mommy´s last blog post..Vampire Bites
November 23rd, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Bad Mummy says:
Is he a Libra? Mine’s a Libra and more often than not, she’s in a world of her own.
If all else fails, I blame the moon’s position at the moment of her birth. Couldn’t be helped, you see, Officer. That’s just because of her moon in Jupiter.
Bad Mummy´s last blog post..B-I-N-G-O
December 18th, 2008 at 9:47 am