Pole Dancing in my Future?

Disclaimer: It’s a babbling rant which I have no desire to make coherent at the moment.

For the second time in four months Mike is without work. I am in a state of shock at the moment. He completed an overtime shift on Friday only to be given his walking papers after a thirteen hour day. If it’s not bad enough that Christmas is less that two weeks away, there really doesn’t seem to be anything on the horizon thanks to the American recession and the one looming here in Canada.

Calls are being made, but it seems that everyone is in the same position. Layoffs are emenent and many other workers are also home during the Christmas holidays without any prospects of work coming their way.

We do have an out though; that being I return to work early and Mike can then collect unemployment and stay home with the boys. Though my income is not as much as Mike’s is was, it’s something.

Selfishly, I am so not ready to return to work. I have another five and a half months remaining in my Maternity Leave and I want them. I want to be here with my kids! It just seems so unfair that I have to sacrifice my time with my children. I know, it sounds delusional, doesn’t it? Our family is in need and I’m worried about me and my wants.

We won’t know anything until this coming week regarding the future, and for now we sit in limbo – worrying, waiting, contemplating our next step. It’s like highwire tight rope walking without a net and the other side out of sight. Where do we go now?

It’s been a gloomy morning here. Mike is not himself at all. Worry, guilt and uncertainty consumes him – he’s shut down. He doesn’t talk, just mopes. Maybe it’s the feeling of failing his family (which he constantly burdens himself with) or the fear that there is no work available (which we won’t know for certain until the work week begins again), I just don’t know. I don’t know what I can do for him;  how I can console him without making him feel as though he has failed his family?

All I know is I have to make sure that everything is “normal” for the kids. Though they are too young to understand, I don’t want this to affect the Christmas that we had planned for them. I don’t want anything to change where they are concerned. But, how do I go about that? This is all new to me – potentially jobless with children.

So, for now? We sit and wait for Monday. Fearing the worst while hoping for the best.

Tagged as: concerned, jobless, panic, work