With his toy cars in hand, Carter walked up to an older boy and said, “Hi! Do you want to play with me?”, the older boy looked a little stunned, not sure what to say he just walked away.
Carter’s little face fell; he was so saddened to be dismissed like that. My heart burst into a million tiny little pieces as I watched my three year old little boy look down at his hands which held his cars, his shoulders slump ever so slightly.
Mike jumped up from his seat and assured Carter that he would play with him, and so they did. Mike sat down on the floor with Carter as they passes his toy cars back and forth in jam packed doctor’s office.
No parent wants to see that pain cross their child’s face, but on the other side of the coin, we also want to teach them that life is full of rejection. There will be times that you won’t get your way, people won’t do what you ask and you may be disheartened at times.
That’s life.
But should that be the life of a three year old? I don’t know. When is it alright to not jump up and assure your child that there will always be someone to play with?
I remember that rejection and how much it hurt as a very impressionable pre-teen. That rejection sticks with you throughout life and I molds a person, preparing them for the future. As painful as it is, it’s a factor of life.
Though Carter has moved on and completely forgotten about that incident, I can’t. I can’t help but worry that he may face worse than that through out his life. I want to sheild him from that horrible, horrible pain of being dismissed like that, left alone and wondering what it is that he may have done wrong.
Yes, kids will be kids, they don’t have a filter. They don’t know how to put someone down lightly. They don’t realize the impact of their statement – or lack thereof. Even if that’s the case, the pain is still there and still very real.
How have you managed to assure your child when they’ve been rejected by another child?
*** Cross-posted at BlogHers Act Canada ***
{ 10 comments }
I hate it when this happens. I always try to brush it off, telling the boy that he should find another kid to play with, but it’s never easy when the damage has already been done. I just hope that each time it teaches the boy a little more about how life really is, without stopping him from trying again in the future.
It kills me when it happens to Josh. Last year there was a boy in his preschool class that completely ignored him. Josh tried so hard at first to be friends with him and it was painful for me to watch. I finally told him that it was okay not to try so hard, that he could just be friends with someone else instead. Once he knew he could ignore the other kid right back he was just fine making new friends. I still despise that horrid little kid though!
catnip´s last blog post..get him tom!
It’s an awful feeling when it happens to you, earthshattering when it happens to your child. It’s awful and I hate it. I guess it’s something they all have to face, but it is such a painful lesson…
sticky´s last blog post..Everything I know…
Well, the group of boys that my son plays with at his school all wear Skechers. THE EXACT SAME skecher (red z-straps). Jacob got a nifty new (expensive) pair of Skechers from me for Christmas and now the boys tell him he’s not their friend anymore because his Skechers are “different”. (They are five, have I mentioned this? FIVE.)
Being the mature type, my immediate reaction is to tell him to tell those boys where they can stick their ratty old shoes, but I hold my tongue and instead say something like, “people who only like you for what’s on the outside aren’t real friends anyway”, and then we talk about his nicer friends and how he should probably play with them more. After that, I tell him to tell those boys he doesn’t like their shoes either. I told you, I’m soooo mature *eye roll*.
Honestly, it doesn’t bother him NEARLY as much as it bothers me. He kind of rolls his eyes at me when I give him the “real friends” speech, so I guess he has his own way of handling it and probably doesn’t need me to feel bad for him, but I’m his mom. It’s my right.
Natalie´s last blog post..The Righteous Glass House
This is so hard. It breaks my heart when Julia says nobody would play with her or that kids are mean to her. With her class it’s more the kids saying mean things – some of the things Julia says other kids in her class say to her SHOCK me.
Julia is very stuck on a little boy in her class; she has been since last year. This little boy is very, very nice and he is quite stuck on her too, but I can see the writing on the wall. Julia came home this week and announced that another girl was “all around” the boy and was his girlfriend now and I looked over at Dave, whose face was frozen in horror. We can just see it coming, I mean, we feel like sitting ducks almost.
Oh! That broke my heart tulip. Those broken hearts are just as bad, if not more.
It’s so sad when that happens. I guess, it’s a life lesson. Our messaging goes something along the lines of…
“I know you’re sad that that (misbehaved child whose mother deserves a whooping) didn’t want to play with you. Sometimes people do things that hurt other people’s feelings. But, you know, there are plenty of other people who like you including your dad and I. So why don’t we find something else to do.”
It’s moderately successful. Depends on the rejection, he had a situation recently where a friend’s mom kicked him out to make his friend go play with someone else. That one really bugged him because he felt he was being punished for nothing. And honestly, it was hard to explain away.
Life is hard. I think we just need to make sure they know we are a soft place to land in the need.
man I wanna kick that other kid’s ass! I don’t suppose that would be very productive, though…
flutter´s last blog post..Typical
There was a rash of kids telling each other they weren’t each other’s friends anymore last year in daycare. Which is tough. I just kept explaining to Pumpkinpie that a lot of the time, kids really just mean they don’t want to play right then, but another time they will be fine, and that they just don’t know how to say that. So I taught HER how to say that so that she would not alienate would-be playmates, at least.
kittenpie´s last blog post..Welcome Wagon
I don’t know what I would do…I’ve never thought about it before. I guess I should start…I mean, is it bad to reassure them that there IS always someone else out there who wants to play? Because that’s true…
Sarcastica´s last blog post..Without Regret
Comments on this entry are closed.