“They don’t follow me back or comment on my site, so I’m not going to follow them anymore. What’s the point?”
Do you even know how many times a day I see this written, somewhere?
The internet is not all about reciprocation. Though, I too have questioned what I would have to do in order to be worthy of a follow back on twitter or a comment on my blog, I don’t hold it against people. Honestly? What’s the point? People have different likes and dislikes – it’s a fact of life. I may enjoy their site but they may find me dull and uninspiring.
C’est la vie.
Throughout the twitter feeds there is chatter about how people are grooming out the people they follow by eliminating the ones that don’t: a) follow them back; b) don’t acknowledge their tweets; and / or c) don’t interact with them. Though it may be a completely innocent idea, bringing it up in a public forum seems quite passive aggressive to me since they are essentially saying: Well, if you don’t like me I don’t like you either. I’m taking my toys and going home. Why not just remove them from your feed reader or your twitter feed and be done with it, why make a big deal of it?
It not a new concept; there are some people are comfortable just sticking with people they know, people they share a common interest with or have conversed with on a couple occasions.
Not everyone is concerned with the number of followers they have or the number of readers FeedBurner says they have – some are adept writers who have unknowingly attained a following of readers yet they are unwilling to reciprocate out of fear of the unknown. A few brilliant bloggers I’ve met are magnificent and open on screen but have a difficult time cultivating relationships by way of large events such as BlogHer or blogger meet-up simply because they worry about the dangers which may lurk when the protection of anonymity is removed. They stick to their smaller group of folks they know and are happy that way.
It’s a tad harsh to decide to stop reading a blog because someone doesn’t comment back on your site; to stop following a twitter feed because they haven’t replied to a tweet, isn’t it?
Just playing Devil’s Advocate, that’s all. This post isn’t directed at anyone specifically or brought on by any one situation.
girl says:
I am spoiled by google. That’s basically why I don’t comment and why I now figure people don’t comment on me. But I still love everyone.. and I still read. And I probably won’t comment anymore.
Although I am laughing at myself that this is WHERE I commented for the first time in a long time.
That would be me, the hot mess.
girl´s last blog post..Check this out!
samantha Reply:
March 16th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
I am so like you. I typically read through my reader and just share what I really enjoy. Sometimes I feel compelled to click through and comment, and if it’s been a while since I’ve commented I try and think of something to say in a comment. LOL
March 16th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Peggy says:
Hi…I agree…I like to read what I find interesting or entertaining or whatever. I guess though I don’t pay too much attention b/c I don’t get paid like a lot of folks do!
It’s kind of a strange situation with all this social media/networking etc…I find it pretty fascinating!
Peggy´s last blog post..Big Love
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I think you’re right about monetizing blogs. It’s changed the focus entirely and some are so concerned about their traffic that it’s entirely evident in what they write.
March 16th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
mrs.chicken says:
I am so overwhelmed with the number of sites that I read that sometimes I just don’t have the words left to leave something pithy or meaningful, and I don’t want to just raise my hand and say hi.
I want to leave something that will be worthy of what I’m reading and I can’t always, especially since the new baby came.
I also ALWAYS leave comments on posts that particularly move me.
And, I share lots and lots and lots of posts from my reader on my site, so I sort of use that referral as a way to tell the writer, hey, I think you’re great.
mrs.chicken´s last blog post..Bedtime Stories
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Right there with you chick! Is it more meaningful to comment once and while when you have something to say or to leave a disingenuous comment of ‘LOL’ or ‘ROFL’ on every site you happen upon? (Completely rhetorical, so you know. LOL)
March 16th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
I get so frustrated at people who Tweet “if I’m not following you, let me know so I’ll follow!” If I WANT to follow you, I will.
Well said, Mama.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog post..Weekly Winners 3.8.9 – 3.14.9
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Ugh. I hate that. That drives me bonkers. Why?!
Once and a while I click through my followers to see if I’ve missed someone… it’s not hard. I just don’t see the point of putting it out there like that. Why follow people that you have no intention of talking to or request to be followed – just to have numbers?!
March 16th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
People in the Sun says:
I did that yesterday. A blogger who never came to visit my blog was deleted from my blogroll. It’s just… I don’t know. It’s not like I left one comment, or that all of my comments on her blog were “LOL” or “Come visit me on my blog.” So it felt a bit weird and unfriendly. I felt like she didn’t really want me there, you know?
It might feel a little childish, but at least I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Just updated my blog list.
People in the Sun´s last blog post..My Rite Aid Story
samantha Reply:
March 16th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
See, I think that’s okay. It’s one thing to do a little house cleaning and removing links and such if you feel the need, but it’s the passive aggressive behaviour of calling it out and making a point that they know you’ve removed them that irks me.
Thanks for commenting!!
March 16th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Nat says:
I am at the stage where I only comment if I have something to say — or it moved me. I enjoy my usual suspects who have something to say…
I recently met a whack of blogger in town. Felt a bit odd and liberating at the same time. Not sure how I’d do in a Blogher type setting. It might just scare the crap out of me.
Nat´s last blog post..Maybe NIMBY?
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I’m going to my first REAL BlogHer session this summer (went to the Boston Reach Out last year) and I am scared. LOL
March 16th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Naomi says:
Well, yes and no. I mean, there are blogs I visit and I’ve left comments, and never even been acknowledged. (Even when I’ve asked a question, for example). And I know that they’ve never read me. (not that there is much to read these days!)
That being said, I’ve just quietly removed them from my reader or stopped reading. Never made a big deal out of it.
Naomi´s last blog post..And yet, he still wakes up in the middle of the night to eat…
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:21 am
That’s the adult way to approach it I think.
Plus, your question may have meant to be answered. Though I don’t know the circumstances, maybe the person got busy and forgot. It’s human nature, it happens.
But to call someone out publically for that would be unfair I think. — Like the “I can’t DM you if you don’t follow me back!” — seems so rude to me… but that’s just me. LOL
March 16th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Frances says:
Interesting post – and completely right on. I know there are a lot of blogs I read that don’t read mine – and that is okay. I tend to comment when I find I have something to say. I have removed so many blogs lately – particularly because I have just gotten bored with so many of them. I’m just not into the whole review/social media crap that is out there.
As for twitter – I tend to follow everyone who follows me, but I know I don’t pay attention to all of them. I know there are a lot of people I follow that don’t follow me back – and that is cool too. I know if I respond to them they tend to respond back anyway (most of the time) so it really doesn’t matter.
Great post!
Frances´s last blog post..Bringing back my top 10..
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:23 am
I’m the same as you Frances. I went through a phase where I followed everyone that followed me. Lately I’ve been going through and if I don’t really converse with them or can’t even place who they are I quietly remove them and go on with my day.
It’s the Quitter and Twitter-less which have made people so concious of who quits following them. It’s all taken far too personally… LOL
March 16th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
justmylife says:
Lord if I didn’t follow people because they didn’t follow me or if I stopped reading blogs because someone didn’t comment, I might as well stop reading and close out my Twitter and Plurk accounts. HA! I love to get comments, but it really doesn’t bother me if I comment and never hear back. Sometimes people are just busy or maybe they are just asses but hey, if they write well, why stop reading them.
justmylife´s last blog post..Weekend Update…..
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Sometimes people are just busy or maybe they are just asses..
In my case? I’m both an ass and busy. LOL
xoxox
March 16th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Nenette says:
I read so many blogs that if I commented on every single one, I’d have no time to go to the bathroom!
But I just had to comment to this one because (a) I’m going through a ‘culling’ with twitter and (b) I wanted to say hi to a fellow CMB contributor.
I go through these cullings once in a while. I actually avoid making a big deal about it… just unfollow two or three a day until I’ve removed those who appear to have abandoned their account,who have different interests as me, or who I followed for the sole reason that they’d started following me.
I’m doing this for the same reason I don’t comment on all blogs… my time is precious and I really don’t have much of value to say.
Great post! And timely too.
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Exactly!
Sometimes I find I have a blog sitting in my reader and they repeatedly have 10+ unread posts. I tell myself it’s time for them to go because obviously I have’t been reading. Maybe some day down the road I try again. LOL
March 16th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
flutter says:
I totally agree, sam.
flutter´s last blog post..I am kind of a dick.
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:26 am
(Was there anything in this post misspelled? I’d hate to send you in a fit of rage and stroke out or something.. LMAO!)
Love you! xoxo
March 17th, 2009 at 1:48 am
Kathy says:
I wish there were an official rule book. Bloggers need to know that it’s okay if someone doesn’t follow you back or leave a reciprocal comment. I’m really, really bad at replying to the few comments I get on my site, and my traffic has probably suffered for it. But I don’t always have the time nor the energy to be tethered to mu blog. As far as the Twitter thing, I only “re-follow” you of I know you or your blog in some way. Someone on another site got her panties in a wad because someone else (possibly me) didn’t answer her @ message. It’s all too complicated.
Kathy´s last blog post..Grace In Small… Links?
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Too complicated and taken FAR too personally. Seriously? Do people leave their computers crying because of an un-follow? Why get their panties in a bunch about it?
March 17th, 2009 at 5:04 am
mapsgirl says:
I would hate to have to comment just to say that I commented. If I don’t have any comment, then I don’t have any comment… maybe we need an “I like this” thumbs up icon like Facebook to let people know we stopped by.
I don’t expect people to comment on my blog. I write because I want to remember something or want to share with the world. If someone wants to say something to me, that’s great..and I do appreciate it.
Also, if other blog readers are as busy as me…there isn’t always time to comment.
As for Twitter… I’m new to that phenomenon. So far I’ve only followed people that I recognize.
mapsgirl´s last blog post..yay, the baby is here!
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Agreed, agreed, agreed!
It’s completely impossible to sit at our computers day in and day out making sure that we’ve kept everyone happy. My God. I spend FAR more than enough time here as it is already!
March 17th, 2009 at 6:31 am
Vic says:
I haven’t seen you comment on my blog in a while, so I’ll be unsubscribing to your feed. lol. Have these people got nothing better to do with their time?
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:31 am
*hangs head in shame* Caught.
But you understand that’s life, right? I mean, we talk on twitter and email, but to cut me out because I haven’t had a chance to visit lately? Not fair. LOL
March 17th, 2009 at 6:36 am
ali says:
i actually leave comments a lot. i like to get them…and i imagine other people do too. i really don’t care if you read my site or don’t read my site. it’s exactly what you say…if you like me, you like me. but i’m sure there are lots of people out there who don’t.
but, yeah, agreed. talking about it on twitter is just not classy. follow, unfollow, do whatever you want…but don’t make a HUGE public deal out of it. or you can do what i do. use tweetdeck and put the people you REALLY care about in one group.
ali´s last blog post..sharkgirl is a thing of the past, mall cops, and dress ali: the fashion week edition
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:32 am
I’ve been trying to comment more. I just hate the idea of leaving something like “LOL” or “Hi” just for the sake of saying something.
xoxo
March 17th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Marinka says:
One of my big fears (well, big blog fears!) is that people read my blog, but hate it, but keep commenting because they’re worried that if they don’t, I will stop reading them. For me, at least, it doesn’t work that way. I read blogs that I love, that keep my attention and make me laugh and it really is ok with me if those blog authors don’t read my blog. As long as they send me a present every once in a while, or some cash.
And the whole Twitter thing–I’m just not smart enough and not energetic enough to defollow people if they stop following me.
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Some times I think that people stop coming by here simply because I haven’t had the chance to get to their site. That’s fine by me… I mean it’s a little hurtful, but I’m not wasting away thinking about the people that may have quit me because I haven’t reciprocated.
March 17th, 2009 at 9:04 am
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) says:
I’m in agreement with much of what has been said. The passive aggressive tendencies make me, personally, uncomfortable, and sometimes I question what the real motives are. I read the blogs I’ve subscribed to in Google Reader, and while I click through to a great many of them, I also know that there are some that I don’t. Doesn’t mean I’m not reading. I also have several emails in my account from those who have commented at my blog who I hope to visit soon. I also have to take into account that I have two very active kids, a husband who is sometimes gone more than he is here, and a part-time job that wraps around what I’m needing to do here to keep our home running. Life is busy, and I can find myself spending way too much time online if I allow myself to. I think many of us can relate to that.
I’m babbling now!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog post..so the chinese say good things come in pairs…
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:35 am
You’re allowed to babble. It’s what you do.
I feel really uncomfortable when I see the “I’m uunfollowing a bunch of people today” tweets and people start clamouring, worried that they may be one that get’s unfollowed. *sigh*
March 17th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Chicky Chicky Baby says:
Ditto.
I’ve cut back a lot on my commenting and I’m sure I hurt some feelings (although, why? they’re blogs, people.) but I just don’t have the time to comment everywhere. I read and if the mood strikes, I comment. Does that make me evil blog lady? Yeah, probably.
As for following everyone on Twitter, I haven’t figured out the politics of that application yet. Nor am I really hot on figuring it out.
I’m not making any friends w/ this comment, am I?
Have I mentioned I love you?
Chicky Chicky Baby´s last blog post..We should all be so lucky
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:37 am
No actually, you haven’t mentioned that you love me because you’ve been too busy with life to acknowledge me. Damn you!
We can be evil blog ladies together. I promise not to burp on you!
March 17th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Nenette says:
oh, yeah, the thing I forgot to mention in my comment above… because it was late and I’m sick… is what worries me the most is that some folks may not read/comment anymore because I don’t always reply to their comments. I just don’t have time!
Anyway. That should be it now.
See? I rarely comment on blogs, and here I am leaving 2 on yours. No, my pants aren’t on fire.
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:40 am
If I have the time to comment, I do. But you’ll notice a great many posts on this site that have very few comments from me if any at all. It’s very time consuming – and if a blogger has upwards of 100+ comments I can’t imagine it’s easy to try and respond back to each and everyone of them. — I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had that problem. LOL
March 17th, 2009 at 10:17 am
always home and uncool says:
I have nothing to add. I’m just looking for a reciprocal comment from you.
Kidding. I recently did some housecleaning just to declutter my online life. I felt a bit guilty about it but you can’t be everything to everyone all the time.
always home and uncool´s last blog post..She’s Not Testy Over Standardized Tests
samantha Reply:
March 17th, 2009 at 10:42 am
You would too. Bugger. LOL
I’ve too felt guilty about it, but the guilt is VERY short lived, I’ve got FAR more important things to feel guilty about — like the amount of time my child is in front of the television while I try and comment to all these comments. HAHAHA
March 17th, 2009 at 10:19 am
daysgoby says:
My feed reader is up to 156, last count, and is about to get a lot bigger with the CMB new feed thingy – there isn’t a single blog that I comment on every day.
The reason I delete feeds? If you haven’t posted in forever, or you don’t seem to interest me anymore.
Twitter is so hit or miss anyway, isn’t it?
daysgoby´s last blog post..explaining today to two kids that aren’t Irish and don’t know where Ireland is
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:34 am
I have 267 blogs in my feed reader. Many are gossip, design and magazine typ blogs which are removed and added constantly.
I am very much like you re: personal sites. They have increased to the point where they are removed if they post FAR too often, or I lose interest. It’s a fact of life. People evolve, reading choices change and topics of interest can vary week to week. There’s no point in feeling guilty about that!
March 17th, 2009 at 11:14 am
NYCWD says:
I think my comment to blog read ratio is something like 1:200. I read ALOT… but comment so rarely for a variety of reasons (someone already said it, they already covered my thoughts in the post, I got nothing constructive to say, etc.) which I completely and totally recognize, and have actually posted about as well.
Twitter is a different story for me, because I’m so limited to my time there. If I get a @ reply, I try to reply back because I think it is more real time than blogging. Sometimes though I don’t get @ replies for like 13 hours.
To unsubscribe or unfollow someone because they don’t comment or @ reply, well I think then you have to ask yourself WHY did you subscribe or follow them to begin with??? The answer, if you are truthful to yourself, may in indeed be a nefarious reason. While I think that sucks, at least you can know it and own it.
I think what’s worse is the seemingly drought of links. I rarely see people link to one another anymore unless it’s a mindless meme. That saddens me…
NYCWD´s last blog post..Saints Preserve You!!!
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
See, I love linking to people. I love sharing other people’s stories… but there is far too many people holding their links close for fear that they’re going to send their readers elsewhere – which I think is completely fucked up.
If there are a million comments and I really have nothing to add to the conversation I will more often than not, stumble it, share it, tweet it or something to get other people reading.
We should all be gracious with linking.
P.S. Thanks for snacking this post Dawg!
March 17th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Paula says:
HI, just stumbled upon your blog and enjoyed your post very much so. It addresses a point I wonder since I starting writing 3 months ago. I write to improve my English, to cope with culture shock with living on a different continent. I / we write to remember our sory in a few years time, to keep in touch with family on both side of the Atlantic. BUT: i didnt get curious and started to browse around and found all these things which you address here. From my simpleminded European perspective I found it strange how people try to get traffic on their side, how keen they are in getting comments. Till 2 days ago I havnt even had a comment box on our page – family inquired and now we have done so. I / we just blog for us. And sometimes I get intrigued by a blog or topic and have my saying in my beginners English. Wish you well
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 am
There is a fine line between writing for yourself and writing to receive comments. I think the line has been blurred so many times people are willing to do just about anything to get some kind of recognition for it now.
Thanks for commenting!
March 17th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah says:
Full disclosure: I haven’t read any of the other comments. This may have already been said, but…
I read a lot of different blogs, some because I like the writing, some because I like the writer, some because I am paid to read blogs.
I admit, there are times that it hurts my feelings when certain people don’t follow me, but 99% of the time I will still follow them if they are worth reading.
It isn’t like I am not invited to their birthday party.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah´s last blog post..The Sex Talk Aftermath
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:42 am
I think the only time that I’ve been truly hurt by a non-follow is if I’ve talked to that person via email or something and we’ve made (or so I thought) a connection and they don’t reciprocate.
But I’ve never once gone: “Well screw you, you’re not going to follow me back?!” I won’t waste my time following someone if I don’t read what they have to say because at that point it’s just noise, yanno?
March 17th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
imommy says:
That’s funny, I just saw some of those tweets/blog entries and thought the same thing!
PS. I LOVE the font that you’ve got for your comment form (for what I’m typing right now) — what font is it?
imommy´s last blog post..A Bunch of Little Updates
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 am
There’s a lot of that going around and I can’t understand it!!
And, the font is called Rockwell.
March 17th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
krissie says:
I have been blogging for 2 years and am consistently shocked by 2 things: that people actually read what I have to say and that some people take the time to comment. I blog for myself – as a way for me to keep track of the craziness. I don’t let my number of hits or comments or twitter followers or facebook friends (or the number on the scale or the amount in my bank account) determine my self worth.
Do I comment? Yes. Not as often as I’d like. Probably because I read blogs at work, in line at the grocery store, in traffic…in a variety of places that I have the ability to read but not really type. I star those that I really want to comment on in my reader and go back later.
I use Twitter as a way to connect with most of those same people. I don’t follow people I don’t “know.” I send @ messages when I have something to say, but I’ve never felt obligated to reply until reading this.
I use my blogroll as a place to link blogs that I like to read. Not people that follow me. Not people that comment. But people that I read. I guess it is a throwback from my days pre-reader when I would use my blogroll as the starting point for my daily blog reads.
I don’t know. I just feel like I left middle school a long time ago – or that I would really like to leave it behind when I leave work every day (I’m sure someone out there has a similar experience).
I’m here to be me. Not to make money or have impressive numbers. I write and read to make connections with people.
Great post, by the way!
krissie´s last blog post..trade for warm sunshine
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:47 am
Krissie, I don’t want you to feel obligated to reply to @’s or anything. That’s the point of this! LOL
I think the whole reciprocation thing goes way further than even what I had brought up in the post because at what point is it okay to stop an email converation or stop an @ing converstation? Sometimes I put a tweet out there and it gets @’d but I don’t think there’s really anything to say back, yanno?
March 17th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Karen Sugarpants says:
well said, fred.
i don’t have time to comment on all the blogs i read. there are blogs i read that i never ever comment on too. i try to at least get to my friends sites once a week but if i don’t? they are still my friends.
and twitter? pleh. don’t care.
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:48 am
You’re just a rebel without a cause.
March 17th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Christina says:
I’m always slow getting to a post, so that it already has several comments on it before I can leave one. And usually those comments are similar to what I’d say, so I feel silly saying ditto.
Truthfully, I don’t have time to comment on everything I read. Reading takes less time. But I do appreciate what I read and comment where I feel I can add to the conversation.
I read and follow those who I enjoy. I don’t really care about being followed back. Well, maybe a little. But I generally let people know when I really need comments to reassure me there are still people out there reading.
Christina´s last blog post..St. Patrick’s Day Parade, in Photos
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
Same.
Like I said above. I read and if there’s 80+ comments I really don’t feel compelled to add to the mix because most times it’s been said. If I *really* enjoyed those popular posts I try and stumble it or something instead.
March 18th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Jacquie says:
Yes, this is good and helpful to read. I have a bitty little blog, and read a billion others, and tend to follow the people who make me laugh.. I sort of like the way it makes my twitter page so schizophrenic, a bunch of random people’s comments being made in response to other random people who I don’t know or follow.
Regarding comments, I try to leave them to people who regularly comment on my posts, but it sometimes feels so artificial when I’m only reading their blog with the purpose of finding something to comment about.
And blog rolls? What is the point when you link to every blog you’ve ever heard of? I am interested in finding new people to read, so if I like a blog I want to see who they like. If it’s clear that the author is just posting the links to be nice or reciprocate, I’m not likely to click.
So, that’s my life story. You’re welcome.
Jacquie´s last blog post..friday minutae
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 am
Oh Blogrolls!! I wrote a big post about that too a while back – reviving the roll. I don’t care if I leave out a link on my blogroll. It’s people that I read and I like. I dn’t owe anyone a link or feel compelled to swap links or any of that BS. Share the people you like!
March 20th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Neil says:
While I completely agree with you, I feel a little uncomfortable focusing on the insecure nudnik who whines “I’m going to unfollow you in you don’t follow me.” He’s a victim. I saw the same thing happening at BlogHer where some long-time members were critical of the newcomers who complained about the cliquieness. “It’s your fault for not stepping up and introducing yourself!” wrote one popular blogger. I find it surprising that so many were so outspoken about Obama’s liberal policies in the real world, take a Reagan-esque “pull yourself up the bootstraps” attitude online. Even if this Twitterer or blogger is pathetic for doing this, rather than saying “Grow up!” maybe we also think about the blogosphere as a whole — and make the place a little better and friendlier. This includes inviting more diversity to panels and into our groups, and thinking about those who might feel left out.
Most people don’t follow each other on Twitter because of interest alone, but because of who they know, and who they are associated with. There is not that much information given on Twitter to decipher who is “interesting.” I was just arguing with Guy Kawasaki on Twitter because I said that his Alltop has done no favors for the personal blogging community. Why should there be some blogs considered “All Top” and others “All Mediocre?” Who is making this decision and by what criteria? And to what purpose? How does this make the blogosphere a better place? Why do we plaster the faces of all our followers on our blogs? Fair enough – we want to show others that we are loved. In that sense, it is great. But it also shows another message — it reminds us “Who doesn’t love us.”
Now, I’m not saying that we should start a socialist regime online. There will always be those who are more talented, more popular, etc. But the rampant discussion of who follows what blogger and the constant pimping of friends and people bragging about being an “influential Mom” creates an atmosphere that is not healthy — where insecure bloggers start unfollowing people in Twitter out of anger. Sure, they can be pathetic, just like the wallflowers who stand by themselves at parties at BlogHer. But why not turn the mirror towards ourselves and ask, “What is my role in this? “Am I making others insecure with my excessive promotion and bragging?” “Should we invite some new, scared-looking bloggers to come over and talk with us at the BlogHer party?”
But, basically — I agree with you. I just think we are all part of the problem, myself included.
Neil´s last blog post..The Easy Chair
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 am
Agreed. We are all part of the problem!
I think in my own way I was trying to maybe reach out to those of us that are not of the “A-list” calibre and tell us that it’s OK! It’s okay to be yourself. Write for yourself and read what you like.
There are cliques and groups where no matter how hard you try, it’s practically impossible to break through their little wall of protection. I’ve also tried and been denied – and still keep trying only to never have a @ replied to or even acknowledged, a comment left or replied to. But you know what? I’m not losing sleep over the fact that even though I contribute to something I don’t see any reciprocation.
I don’t reply to an “A-list” blogger in hopes that they’re going to find me irresistible and write an entire post dedicated to me whereby I reach blog fame. I reply if I feel compelled to say something – I’d expect that they comment, reply or @ if they feel compelled not because it’s a duty.
Life is chalk FULL of rejection. The blog world is no different.
March 20th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Karly says:
I sometimes feel a little fake commenting back right after someone has commented on my site. Like, “Oh, you comment for me, I’ll come comment for you.” That just seems…weird. I do usually check out the blogs of people who comment, but I don’t always comment. I’m dumb, I know.
Karly´s last blog post..It’s My Birthday and You’ll Do What I Say.
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 am
I too visit the sites of people that comment, but I TOTALLY agree about forcing a comment because they left one for me. Hate!
I’m pretty sure that I’ve lost readers because I haven’t reciprocated a comment or a visit but that’s life. Sorry.
You’re not dumb. You = AWESOME. Love!
March 21st, 2009 at 8:37 am
usedtobeme says:
Hi! (waves) I’m new here. I clean out my blogroll/feed yearly because as we grow older, dare I say “up” our tastes, interests and what not change. Not to mention the people who simply drop off the face of the
earthblog. The people who make a public spectacle of themselves unfollowing or unreading are attention seekers I think and I don’t necessarily need or want them as my blog “friends” as it were. Ya know?usedtobeme´s last blog post..I wasn’t betting on Pride
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Great comment! I completely agree.
The public spectacles really make me wonder about alterior motives because one doesn’t just say “I’m unfollowing you because you don’t follow me” without hoping to garner some kind of reaction from someone.
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:35 am
Mel @ A Box of Chocolates says:
Great post. You are right that people are saying “If you don’t like me, i don’t like you and taing my toys and going home”. There are many people I read, but I just don’t comment because I don’t really have anything to say. If I really like a post, or picture, or idea then I will comment, but I don’t feel the need to say something for everything I read. Same thing on twitter. Not to mention sometimes I’m in a talkative mood and sometimes not so much. To each their own though!! Thanks for sharing your opinion and I’m going to link up to it in next weeks Sunday Stars over at my place!!
Mel
Mel @ A Box of Chocolates´s last blog post..Not My Finest Moment
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 am
Thanks Mel!!
March 22nd, 2009 at 9:07 am
Avitable says:
I add anyone who comments on my blog to my feedreader. The downfall to this is that I have over 400 feeds, which means I only have time to comment on a tiny percentage of those each day. But I do try to occasionally, because going and reading and commenting is like the blogworld’s way of saying “Hi” back.
That being said, I wouldn’t stop reading a blog if they didn’t comment on mine. It’s their prerogative.
Avitable´s last blog post..Verbally Abuse Avitable Day
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 am
You add everyone who leaves a comment on your site!? Srsly? Wow.
Avitable Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 am
Yeah. I feel that it helps the sense of community. Even if I can’t get over there and comment, I might be able to at some point.
I will say, though, as someone who gets 50, 60, and higher comments on posts, I appreciate that 81st comment just as much as I appreciate the 1st one.
Avitable´s last blog post..Verbally Abuse Avitable Day
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 am
heather... says:
I think it comes down to, do you want people to read you, or do you want them to leave comments? Because I read FAR more blogs than I comment on. For example, I comment here like, once a week…but I read every single post. I want to keep up with all my blogs, and to do that, I just CAN’T always comment. And then when you throw in reading the blogs of the people who commented on my OWN blog…well, it’s gets really out of control. I just do the best I can, and I assume everyone else does, too!
heather…´s last blog post..Boys Have Cooties
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 am
Once a week? More like once a month… not that I’m keeping track or anything.
(Even though I comment FAR more on your site… )
* TOTALLY kidding!! *
(even though I totally do.)
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 am
Redneck Mommy says:
After being consumed for over a year to drop a comment on every site I read, I am burned out. It was taking up far too much time of my day so I scaled back.
It may hurt feelings but I can only do so much. I’m not just a blogger. I’m a mother, a wife, a nurse, and a therapist and then there is the pesky chore of actually keeping house and raising my children. My blog comes last and the responsibilities as a blogger have to be my last priority or my real life suffers.
If people choose to hold that against me, well I can’t stop them.
You know I’m the blogger in real life that hyperventilates in a crowd and runs out side for a smoke to avoid actual face time. Who I am on my blog is not an accurate representation of the real Tanis. Otherwise I’d be topless and swinging from a chandelier every damn day.
Great post Sam and I’m glad you wrote about this.
Now why haven’t you commented on my site lately you bitch?
heh.
samantha Reply:
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
Scaling back is the hardest because it’s common knowledge around these parts (being the blog world) that in order to “build your community” you have to be out there commenting, tweeting, @ing, replying, blogging, meeting and greeting all while raising the family, cleaning the house and LIVING LIFE!
I too, for a few years felt the wanton need to post, comment, reply to comments, twitter, reply to tweets, build, build, build… and I think it lead to suffocation and stifling of creativity. The forced posts, the forced comments. It wasn’t natural and it’s totally noticeable.
And um.. I haven’t commented on your site because you never comment here. I am so taking my toys and going home!
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 am
samantha says:
And this comment section looks COMPLETELY hypocritical of what I was trying to convey in the post because I’ve replied to each and every one of the comments. But! That’s because I have something to say and want to talk about this! NOT because I feel like I have to and that you’re going to leave me and never comment again if I don’t.
Just so you know.
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 am
momranoutscreaming says:
Good grief! If I let this sort of thing get to me I would have no blog roll, hardly anyone to follow on Twitter and I’d piss off everyone that reads my blog. I read what I like, follow who i like, and appreciate everyone who stops by my blog to read whether they comment or not. Who has time to worry about it? If you’re going to put yourself out there then go with it!
momranoutscreaming´s last blog post..Does She Have a Magic Wand?
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
annie says:
I ENJOY dropping people who are just out to raise their comment count , I am SO not about that. It usually takes me a while to warm up to someone. I add the loyal ones that I like to my blogroll. As for twitter, same concept and I’m thinking about blocking people who just Twitter entirely too much and bombard my home page with tweets…
annie´s last blog post..I’m a Twit
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Matthew says:
When I first started my blog, I totally judged myself based on the number of comments I got. In the early days my blog was popular and I enjoyed some notoriety. Now, my blog is just another blog and I’m okay with that.
I also don’t have the time to read and comment on all the great blogs out there so I understand if people don’t comment on mine.
Twitter reminds me of high school, kinda. There are definitely cliques and social groups that form. Some are popular, some aren’t and some are in between. As long as you’re comfortable with that, then I think it’s fine.
Nice post, though. Definitely makes you think.
Matthew´s last blog post..TheMonk’s first love
March 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
denise says:
I enjoyed this discussion, I think many of us are feeling our way through this process. I subscribe to blogs I like to read, bottom line. I always click through to any new commenters and check out their blog but don’t always comment. I don’t take offense to those whom choose not to comment on my blog if I comment on theirs faithfully. These days faithfully is cleaning out reader once a week.
As for Twitter, I am feeling it out. I don’t ever make comments about “weeding out” etc. I follow & unfollow those I find interesting and with Twitter that’s in flux. I do prefer feeling like I’m having a conversation, so if someone doesn’t reciprocate, I may unfollow them (without a public tweet)! Do you feel like you are having a conversation if someone isn’t interested in what you say?
I’m definitely not a #s person, it’s about community for me.
denise´s last blog post..Welcome Spring
March 22nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
J from Ireland says:
I am just too lazy to comment on all the blogs I read. Never entered my head that it would bother the bloggers. As for twitter, I just don’t get it. Telling the world whats going on in your life minute by minute??? WTF
March 25th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Hollie says:
As one with the new blog on the block, I am thankful for the readers who do find there way there. I do tend to have on my blog roll the sites where you will find my comments…I may read and lurk alot.
As for twitter I follow moms mostly, and people I have met and known over the years, or bloggers I love!
Hollie´s last blog post..Menu Monday: Halal Cooking
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July 18th, 2009 at 7:27 am