There. I admit it.
I use the word retard in a derogatory way.
I still, to this day, use the word despite the outcry from people I love to stop.
It’s just something that I’ve said for years and I haven’t thought about the repercussions of what saying the R-Word means to many others.
“That’s so retarded.”
“You’re so retarded.”
“Fuck off, ya retard.”
“You’re such a retard.”
“Fuckin’ retard.”
These are all phrases that have escaped my mouth. Phrases that, as I type them, give me a feeling of embarrassment, humiliation and disgust.
Especially when I think about how they hurt.
I’ve used this term as a means to belittle and insult.
I’ve called someone a retard out of disgust, using the word with all intention of hurting their feelings.
Retard
v.tr.
To cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede.
v.intr.
To be delayed.
n.
- A slowing down or hindering of progress; a delay.
- Music. A slackening of tempo.
I could defend my actions by saying that I was referring to the other more politically correct meanings of the word.
But that would be lying.
Retard
n. Offensive Slang.
- Used as a disparaging term for a mentally retarded person.
- A person considered to be foolish or socially inept.
People can try and defend their usage of the word, but there is just no justification that can take back the agony, pain and anger that the use of the word retard causes those whom have a family member, a child or a friend who is mentally or physically challenged.
President Obama’s slip up is a prime example of how the word is used far too frequently that it can sneak its way into everyday speech. The thing is: once it’s said, it can’t be taken back.
Initially his comment didn’t even phase me. I didn’t even bat an eye because it was something I would say which made me even more aware of just how prevalent it is; more so, how wrong it really is.
Then I read this statement at Mrs. Chicken’s site:
Words are power. We use them carelessly. We throw “hate†and “love†and other weighty words into the air and sometimes, they hit an unintended target. Please, be mindful.
I know now how my behaviour has affected those around me and those I hold dear to my heart. I can’t negate the pain caused by my carelessness because it’s valid.
Apologizing for my actions carries little weight.
Actions speak louder than words.
It’s time I took responsibility.
I pledge to eradicate the R-word from my everyday speech.
We are all different, but we all deserve the same respect.
Her Bad Mother says:
THANK YOU.
xoxoxo
Her Bad Mother´s last blog post..Rainy Days And Mondays And, Also, Zombies, Get Me Down
March 24th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says:
You are amazing – AWESOME post.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas´s last blog post..Deep Weeds
March 24th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Janna says:
I worked really hard on this last year, and now I no longer say it and can’t stand it when other people do. Thanks for this post.
Janna´s last blog post..The Little Boy Bias
March 24th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Redneck Mommy says:
This right here, is why I love you.
And why Bug, and Jumby and my niece with Down’s will love you too.
Thank you. From the bottom of my black little heart.
March 24th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
You can send me $5 every time you slip up and say the r-word.
Just consider it motivation.
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog post..A blog about nothing
March 24th, 2009 at 11:07 am
sticky says:
Wow. Just wow.
Samantha, you rock.
Your post made so much sense to me (I too, could almost hear myself saying what Obama said) and it really touched my heart. I have never said that word, or one like it, with malice in my heart, but unthinking or unconscious cruelty is cruelty nonetheless.
Thank you for your words,your love and your respect. I add mine and my son’s too…
sticky´s last blog post..The Messiest Blog Party (It’s the Ultimate) – UPDATED
March 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Michelle says:
Hmm I am the same way…I always stick to my old habits or should I say “word habits.” Probably something I will never let go of…”Retard”
March 24th, 2009 at 11:54 am
WM says:
My cousin has CP and so that is a word that really disturbs me and I don’t use . That said, I’m not perfect by any means so thank you for this post and inspiring me to really think before I speak.
WM´s last blog post..It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to
March 24th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Joie at Canned Laughter says:
The beginning of your post really shocked me. Thank you so much for such an honest, timely post.
Joie at Canned Laughter´s last blog post..Orange Rum Bread Pudding
March 24th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
annie says:
Hmmm…and yet it’s O.K. for the Mother of the handi-capped person to call their OWN child a variety of names that infer “retard” and give him an online nick-name that is insulting… Funny how there’s a double standard.
Often we (or the President, in that case) say “retard” in referring to OUR OWN SELF, in a self-deprecating manner, and not meant at all to refer to another person’s unfortunate condition – genuinely not meaning to insult any other person at all, only ourselves for doing something dumb.
So can we not say “dumb” for fear of hurting the feelings of someone who is non-verbal? Where does it end?.
annie´s last blog post..I’m a Twit
March 24th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Velma says:
This is great. That is all.
Velma´s last blog post..Happy "Mommy’s Turn with the Wii" Day!
March 24th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
sherendipity says:
This is so bizarre. Just this morning, I was talking to my friend at the bank and I called my Sister in law a retard, and then wondered if there was anyone around that I would have offended. Funny, I didn’t think before I said it, but as soon as it escaped my lips, I wondered.
sherendipity´s last blog post..Driving slow on Sunday morning
March 24th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
mrs.chicken says:
Thank you, Sam, for spreading the word, and for helping to drum it out of our everyday language. Words are, indeed, power, and these words of yours are as powerful as any I’ve read.
I applaud your honesty and your bravery.
mrs.chicken´s last blog post..As If It Was The Last
March 24th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
flutter says:
you’re a beautiful soul, girl.
flutter´s last blog post..Protected: The infection of loneliness (fiction) (email me for the password fluttercrafts at gmail dot com)
March 25th, 2009 at 12:59 am
kgirl says:
I don’t say it in public and am working hard to make it go away altogether. I used to think, ‘what’s the big deal?’ and then remembered how often people use derogatory terms for someone Jewish (i.e. me), and how very shitty it makes me feel.
Good on ya.
kgirl´s last blog post..Here Comes the Night
March 25th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
heather... says:
This is an awesome post. Good for you, Sam! I’m proud of you!
heather…´s last blog post..Swinger
March 25th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Tara Anderson says:
I occasionally go to open mics and perform stand-up comedy. When I first started, I had a bit about when I volunteered at the Special Olympics. Although the jokes always got laughs, I have decided to take those out of my routine and replace them with jokes about my vagina.
Plus, I’m thinking about having kids soon and I know that it would be karmic justice for me to have retarded children.
Thanks for the reminder that we often speak without thinking. (And in my case, that also applies to not thinking before typing or making jokes in public with a mic…)
Tara Anderson´s last blog post..Proudly waving my geek flag
March 25th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
SweetSpikette says:
Thank you.
When I eliminated this word from my vocabulary many years ago, I started replacing it with “ridiculous.”
That’s usually what I meant anyway, and it is an easier transition to start out with the same sounds. You can start to say “retard,” catch yourself, and correct. Just one suggestion.
March 25th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Chibi Jeebs says:
Thank you, Sam. Thank you for making it easier for me to admit that this is habit I want (need) to change. Thank you for helping me realize that eradicating a word from my vocabulary because it is offensive isn’t a bad thing or selling out or caving to “peer” pressure. I say it, and I’m ashamed that I do so: I am going to stop now.
Chibi Jeebs´s last blog post..Meme Monday
March 25th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Karen Sugarpants says:
way to go, shmo.
March 25th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Mad Woman says:
You rock. Big time.
I find myself using this word more regularly somehow, and I think it’s because a friend of mine does. I hereby vow to do my best to strike it from my (already very colorful) vocab.
Thank you for the reminder!
Mad Woman´s last blog post..Not blind, pill popping opinions on moving and stuff…
March 26th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Mrs. Mustard says:
I used to say “gay” a lot. As in “that’s so gay.”
I had to work really hard at eradicating that word from my lexicon, but I did.
Now, whenever I hear someone else say it, I shudder inside.
It’s not easy to change your speech habits. Good luck!
Mrs. Mustard´s last blog post..Words we rarely say
March 30th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Lora says:
There isn’t anything wrong with saying the word “retard” !! it’s just a word. People need to stop acting all hurt.
April 4th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Free Speech lover says:
Surprise, surprise. Another cry for censorship by the weak-minded.
It’s just a word, people.
If you’re actually bothered by a word so much that people living thousands of miles from you actually hurt you by saying it, you really need to switch medication.
Look in the mirror, say “retarded” 100 times, and then tell me the word has the bullshit power you claim it to have.
Lighten up! And stop being so retarded.
Free Speech lover: I do still use the words douchebag, asshole, asshat, and my favourite: motherfucker.
April 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am