Growing up I was a kid of many questions. I would bombard my parents with questions asking: why is the sky was blue? how do we get to space? why is that man there? what are they doing? How come!?
Before having children of my own, I thought I would love that stage where my children would ask questions and I would answer; we would have meaningful conversations about how astronauts get into space and why the grass is green. I would teach! and they would learn! and we’d be a happy little family. The End.
Unfortunately what I didn’t realize what the tenacity of a young child. The questions come on fast and furious with reckless abandon quite often at the most inopportune times.
Sitting in heavy traffic trying to get Carter to daycare before they begin his daily phonics, attempting a left-hand turn across three lanes of traffic where the drivers rarely abide by the speed limits and he’ll hit me with a barrage of questions.
“Why is that man walking on the road?”
“How come that car is in front of us?”
“Where are we going, Mommy?”
“Is the light red? Why are you wating?”
“How come the man is still on the road?”
“Mommy?”
“Mommy?”
“Did you bring my monkey?”
It’s enough to make me want to just pull out in front of the next oncoming car.
Okay, that’s a little dramatic. I would never pull my car out in front of oncoming traffic because of an interrogation at 8:00 in the morning. If they ran out of coffee at every store in the city – yes. But questions? It’s highly unlikely.
I try my hardest to nicely answer each and every question even though I feel like turing around and yelling shutthehellupI’mtryingtodrive! Doyouwantmetocrashthisfuckincarrightnow!?
I smile at him in the rear-view mirror as I wait to negotiate the next available opening in traffic.
“He’s crossing the road honey.”
“Why?”
“So he can keep walking up the road to where he’s going?”
“Where’s he going?”
“Maybe to work, maybe the bus stop sweetie.”
“To work?”
“Yes Carter, to work.”
“There’s a bus stop there?”
“I guess so honey.”
“Why?”
“So the bus can stop and the man can get out.”
“Why?”
At this point I grit my teeth and try and ignore the questions as I see an opening coming.
“Are we turning yet?”
Sigh.
“Is the light red now?”
“How come you turned?”
“Where is the man, mommy?
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Why?”
Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?
OMFG, WHY!?
*******
We sat down to dinner last night and another full onslaught of questions began. I really can’t remember what he started asking, but I quickly turned the questions on him.
Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?
Evil parenting tactic, I know. But I don’t care, it was time to give the kid a taste of his own medicine.
Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?Why?
Eventually he got this pained look of constipation across his face as he glanced around the kitchen, and as I asked him another “Why” question he quickly pointed across the table.
“Look mommy!” he shrieked, “We have MILK!!”
Dammit.
Duped by a three year old.
This isn’t over kid.
This is not over.
WM says:
The “why” phase almost did me in for sure.
WM´s last blog post..Lady feels like a …dude
March 26th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
katie ~ motherbumper says:
Oh Sam, I could have written this myself. The questions, oh gawd, the questions! I too thought I’d love the questions, but NO I do not like green eggs and ham or endless questions.
Last week was the doozy: “why does that woman have a fat bottom?” while standing right next to the fat-bottomed woman while we were all nekkid in the swimming pool change room. Unfortunately, the ground did not open up and swallow me whole so I had to shove candy in her mouth. Or maybe it was a towel (ftr: I’m kidding, I just pretended to be deaf.)
katie ~ motherbumper´s last blog post..talking points on pulp products
March 26th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Bad Mummy says:
Bwahahahaha! I do the exact same thing. Which explains why I am wiping spittle off the screen of my laptop.
Thank god I’d already swallowed my mouthful of coffee before getting to the end.
Bad Mummy´s last blog post..Spring?
March 26th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] says:
Why is your name Sam?
Why do you have a blog?
Why are you so awesome?
Why to birds eat?
Why does chocolate taste good?
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]´s last blog post..I’m the mom blogger all the mommy bloggers read
March 26th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Emma says:
Love this. Am going to totally use that tactic.
Emma´s last blog post..Good enough
March 26th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) says:
Here’s my confession – sometimes, when I need to run an errand or such, and I ask if the kids want to come with me, I have my fingers crossed behind my back in hopes that they either say no or they didn’t hear me, because if my youngest one expresses interest in going with me, he is talking, talking, talking before the seatbelts are even locked. He’s nonstop the entire time! Doesn’t even give me the chance to respond to questions he may ask, just goes into the next routine. Sometimes Mommy just likes to run errands by herself….
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog post..pucker up, buttercup
March 26th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Deb on the Rocks says:
I remember the exhaustion of that, but I kind of miss it. With teenaged boys, I kind of feel like the kid asking all the questions while they are busy with their ipods or phones or just chilling and I’m all TELL ME SOMETHING! OR ASK ME SOMETHING! I STILL KNOW THINGS!
March 27th, 2009 at 9:26 am