I have a tendency to burp and fart really loud – and often, so much so that I definitely put my husband to shame. He only wishes he had the same capacity for burping and farting like I do.
So do you. I know you’re jealous. It’s okay to be jealous, it’s good for you.
Except the only thing is – I am so used to being home alone with the kids, that sometimes I forget I am out in public. Like when I’m shopping at the local WalMart, perusing the kid’s aisle and I’ll let go an enormous burp.
Then I totally blame Mike, and if he’s not there I’m all “Carter you should say excuse me!”, accept now he’s getting old enough that he totally calls me out saying, “Mommy! That wasn’t me, that was YOU!”.
Yes, it has happened more than once.
Then all the moms grab their children, shield their ears and run from the area, shooting Howdareyoubesodigsutinginmypresence death rays from their eyes.
It seriously happens. Ask Karen. While at the Boston BlogHer Reach Out, we totally played hookie skipped out on sessions went to mall on our free time and while at the Yankee Candle store I let one go. If looks could kill that lady would have murdered me a thousand times over in that store.
If that weren’t bad enough I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll go our shopping – un-showered in my jogging pants and stained t-shirts. Jogging pants half tucked into my fake uggs.
Like Leighton Meester – but she totally rocks them better than me with her tu-tu / dress. (And no, I don’t believe this is her intentional outfit since she appears to be wearing her Gossip Girl costume clothes outfit whatthefuckever.)
Picture me, jogging pants tucked into fake uggs, oversized t-shirt, knitted hoodie cardigan, unshowered and unkempt shopping at WalMart.
I fit right in, right?
Add the belching in public and I am every child’s worst nightmare for a parent.
God, I can’t wait until they’re old enough and all my lack of effort will not be wasted on children that have little concept of fashion and embarrassing situations.
By then, I should totally have a tutu added to my wardrobe.
Tell me about your behavioural or fashion faux pas. Do you wear your pj’s to school drop off? Ever shop in your slippers? Pick your butt in the supermarket?
Fess up!
{ 23 comments }
i will vouch for you, yes. in fact, i can’t believe we are friends since i am the picture of tact and poise.
Karen Sugarpants´s last blog post..Oh It’s ON Like Donkey Kong!
@Karen Sugarpants, oh yes. Tact and poise. That’s exactly what I was thinking.
A couple weeks ago, I was too lazy to put on some clothes before walking my son to the corner to catch the school bus, so I decided rather than walk down the block, we’d ride the van down the street and park. It allowed me to keep my nightgown and slippers on, and my hair up in a Scrunchee. I like to bring the sexy, and Scrunchee is just another word for sexy.
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog post..a post about the hairs on tool man’s chinny, chin, chin
@foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog), did you at least have your underpants on?
Scrunchee? Wow. I didn’t even know they made those anymore. *snicker*
I, too, fall prey to the occasional public burb. When this happens I shoot my husband a look and he reluctantly says “Excuse me. It just slipped.” I’m not taking the fall for those things.
steenky bee´s last blog post..Testosterone in the House!!! (With a Shot of Estrogen)
@steenky bee, Bwahahahaha! That’s true love right there.
Oh, I do that burpy/farty stuff too in what I believe to be empty aisles. My three four-year olds laugh and sadly I really don’t care what other people think anymore.
Damon´s last blog post..Things I don’t understand….
I don’t do pjs to the supermarket (I’m English, you know) but I’m all for farting and burping in public and blaming it on the boy. He thinks it’s hilarious!
Oh god, I don’t even have children and I’m doing what you’re doing. I have no excuse!
I will admit, it’s rare that I leave the house without at least a little make up on (P.S. I LOVE that L’Oreal Infallible or whatever it’s called makeup/foundation. Awesomeness – thanks for doing that review on mascara and metioning it then). However, when I declare a day a pajama/no makeup day because I don’t give two shits less what anyone thinks of me or what I look like, then I leave the house all out… if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it good, right? No make up, hair not washed (nor fluffed or what not – collic still there, with the crown of my head plastered down; you know, true bed head), PJ pants, shirt with holes, yeah…
And when I don’t have make up on?
…Scary. Frightening. Seriously. Oo, not good.
OH! And the farting and burping thing? Yeah.
Sometimes they’re the silent and deadly ones, at Wal-Mart because that’s where we grocery shop
because we’re cool like thatand well, all of a sudden Chris (my lucky husband) will walk through it… and he’ll exlaim something not nice, and I just giggle inside.He deserves it.
Burping, well, that rarely happens in public (not by choice, it just doesn’t, weird?) and if it does – it’s the kind where you yawn on accident and all of a sudden a big one comes up and there is no stopping it.
Sometimes I toot at work and then I get nervous for anyone to come into my cube. I cross everything I can to let it waft away… and the loud ones get stiffled by the chair padding.
Ha! I’m getting way to graphic… Must.Go.Now.
@Krystle | SnarkyKisses, I. Love. You.
@samantha, Hahaha, I just giggle… “It” happened today at work. I can’t help it!
@Krystle | SnarkyKisses, OMG. LOL! Did you muffle it into your chair and then PRAY that no one walked past??
@samantha, WELL! I stood up to wrap a sweatshirt around my waste annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, a loud one squeeked out – I head my headphone/earbuds in and I heard it… I didn’t even think about who else did…. and then later on I had the silent but deadly one and well… I prayed no one walked by nor came to visit – and I also prayed it didn’t go UP… because then it would just fumigate several…and that’d be down right embarassing!
I think I’m gassy today? no?
God, all of your commentors are going to think I am NUTS!!!!!
well, cripes…i don’t really do anything like that unless you count hitting the timmy’s drive thru in pjs…which you probably don’t because i don’t even have to get out of the car.
i am very boring.
ali´s last blog post..the cheese stands alone.
@ali, all. the. time. I’ve even gone to Timmy’s in my pink nightgown with grey jogging pants underneath AND my jogging pants tucked into your fakes uggs.
OMG @Krystle | SnarkyKisses I am DYING!! LOL
Farts are funny. Am 12.
That’s one of the hazards of wearing headphones. Everything is louder than you think. ROFL!!
@samantha, Farts ARE funny! I don’t care who you are! They are FUN.NAY!
I KNOW! And if I heard it through my headphones? Um, hellooooooooo cubical mates across the other 2 sides of me.
Oh dear god, Can’t think about it.
I wear my pj’s every morning dropping the kids off at school and pray that I don’t have an accident.
You went to the mall during BostonBlogher?!? Jealous
I totally sport the faux Uggs…and ‘Fucci’ handbag.
Momisodes´s last blog post..Me and My Shadow
I went to college classes in plaid flannel PJ pants plenty of times! LOL.
Nowadays I wear velour or terry track pants, like, a LOT.
I’m a work at home Aunt, lol.
Empty aisles & far corners of stores have occasionally fallen prey to the gas. ;p
Al_Pal´s last blog post..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!
How about a visit to a ladies’ room???
@samantha, I am just giggling at myself, I can’t believe I’m sharing this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just know you are SO not alone!
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