My life is really nothing more that a circus freak sideshow. Well, minus the freak (even though sometimes I think I look like the bearded lady).
I am the ring master, the lion tamer, the juggling monkey, carnie and exhibitionist all in one.
I’m also the banker, the employee, the self-employed business lady, the accountant, the chauffeur, the butler, the nanny, the cook, the maid, the garbage collector and the dominatrix (Ha! Good one.). But it doesn’t stop there(I just thought you may have got the point by now).
Sometimes I think I have it rough. Sometimes I bitch and moan that it’s just not fuckin’ fair. Why do I have to deal with pick and drop off at daycare day in and day out? Why do I have to be the one to remember to de-thaw dinner or else there will be none? How come the bank account balance just can’t take care of itself? Why do I always have to play the Bad Cop?
It could be worse.
It could always be worse.
There could be no bank account to care for or food in the freezer.
There could be no husband to greet when he come home from work.
There could be no monkeys to corral children to kiss goodbye in the morning or to see grinning from ear to ear after a hard days work.
When it’s all put into perspective of It Could Be Worse I feel insurmountable guilt for even complaining, but then I think about the Hierarchy of Suffering and I’m all Dude, it is fuckin’ hard and because it’s not THAT hard doesn’t make it any less hard.
Like this morning for instance, when I was awoken by my husband as he was leaving for work – because I slept through my alarm ON MY SECOND DAY BACK TO WORK – I was pissed that I had to get up and even more so after hearing him call down the hallway that I should be grateful for even having a job.
(But! If I didn’t have a job I would have been sleeping until eight six o’clock instead which would be totally awesome.)
(But! If I didn’t have my job we’d likely have to downgrade our home and sell a car; not to mention, hope and pray that Mike didn’t lose his job.)
(All relative, right?)
Or how about when we were *just* heading out the door ON! TIME! and Hudson proceeded to shit his pants – which turned out to be diarrhea – making us late to leave and me late to work ON MY SECOND DAY BACK. Not so awesome. Even peeling a crying Hudson off as he tried to cling to me rather than go see his teacher, a little heartbreaking.
I really have no idea where I was going with this except for I feel bad for complaining about my minuscule issues when there is far worse things that I could have happen to me. But these minuscule things are TRAGIC to me at the moment.
I hate that my heart is across the city with my children in their daycare and that I feel HELPLESS while my sick congested baby is pawned off on other people to care for and I sit here at a desk pining for them.
P.S. I have vodka at my desk and I’m seriously considering opening it.
P.P.S. It’s my birthday Saturday and I’m getting a massage.
P.P.S.S. You look hot today. Do something new with your hair?
* Hierarchy of Suffering is a far superior title but was already taken. Obviously.
Della says:
Wow… I could almost have written this post.
I have been following about 10 blogs of people who recently lost or expect to lose their babies, and I am whining about my complexion, my (admittedly considerable) hip pain and oversized uterus when I have what seems to be a PERFECTLY healthy 23 weeker and NO OTHER PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS?
I am complaining about my husband’s being out of work for almost 7 months and how we’re going to have to drop the blockbuster membership and we haven’t gone out to dinner for like 2 months and the mortgage company is being slow to respond on the possibility of a forbearance for this month, when he is getting a large dollar amount of unemployment that allows us to keep our slot in the daycare (via using only one day a week, but still), I DO still have a job, we have all the groceries we need, we’re not in danger of getting foreclosed on…
Blah blah blah. Just because it’s not the worst it could be, doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck. Glad I don’t have to get bitch-slapped in the comments (as your velveteen mind link-to-a-link mentioned) to get some perspective and remember to count my blessings.
But I’m here listening and agreeing that I’m not going to compare your suck to their suck and say yours isn’t really suck. Because it is.
*HUG*
Della´s last blog post..(Basically) Wordless Wednesday
May 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) says:
Totally understand…and then, OMG! You have vodka?! At your desk?! At your work desk?! Yes, use it. You have my permission!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)´s last blog post..and the one that mother gives you…apparently doesn’t get eaten at all
May 13th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
ali says:
it could always be worse, for sure.
but still, Sam, as another working mother, i say SCREAM YOUR FRUSTRATIONS FROM THE ROOFTOPS. you deserve it.
ali´s last blog post..right under my nose…
May 13th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Jennifer says:
I feel that way too about my life. Maybe that’s part of being human?
May 13th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Midwest Mommy says:
Ugh! I don’t know what else to say. I seriously just told a friend tonight at dinner I had an itch to go back to work…you just scratch it, lol.
Midwest Mommy´s last blog post..There were no chemicals used in the altering of this hair!
May 13th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
flutter says:
dude, you need a hug. A big, vodka hug.
flutter´s last blog post..a reformed emotional basketcase loses it over a baby blanket. news at 11
May 14th, 2009 at 12:45 am
Sticky says:
Everyone deserves to bitch!
You go right ahead…
And I agree, you have vodka? At work? Damn…
Happy early birthday!
Sticky´s last blog post..Fickle
May 14th, 2009 at 12:47 am
Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy says:
Happy Early Birthday! I feel like my life is a circus of disappointment lately. Um, also, I’m drooling over the lovely font in your header that says temporarily me. It is so perfect.
PS. my kid painted our carpet with red paint the other day. She also painted all of the couch cushions.
Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy´s last blog post..Wii & Drive-ins
May 14th, 2009 at 1:01 am
Vic says:
I think you’re gonna need something stronger than vodka at your desk!
Being a working mum sucks big time.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:10 am
maggie, dammit says:
The hierarchy of suffering gets me every time, too. And I hate that. Your suffering is valid. Mine is valid. It’s not a contest. (It’s just hard to believe it, isn’t it?)
Happy birthday just in case I drop off the face of the Internet between now and Saturday, per my usual. Love you huge, my darlin’. CELEBRATE YOU. You should, you know. You should.
XO
maggie, dammit´s last blog post..I don’t do this very often, but…. “HOMEWORKâ€
May 14th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Mrs. Schmitty says:
Happy Birthday Sam!!!
And P.S. I KNOW exactly where you are coming from!
Have the best BIRTHDAY evah! xoxoxoxo
Mrs. Schmitty´s last blog post..If It Weren’t For BlogHer Ads In My Sidebar (This Post Would Be Nothing But Expletives)
May 16th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Al_Pal says:
Owwie. Parenting is not for sissies. ;(
June 16th, 2009 at 7:48 am