I went to see my grandma again this weekend. Her brother – my great-uncle – was in town from across the country. I hadn’t seen him in over ten years so it was nice to have the opportunity to visit. It’s funny how relationships change as we age. Aunts and uncles whom would sit huddled around the dining room table, coffee in hand, whispering in hushed tones so not to let our young ears hear the stories are now sharing them with us. It was kind of a surreal feeling to be sitting there, as an adult, sharing, listening and commenting – with a coffee in front of my while my youngest was perched on my knee and Carter was off in the living room playing.
Carter was me 24 years ago. Oblivious to the family dramas which were being relived in the next room. He was innocently playing as the stories of our sordid history unfolded before my very eyes. Stories I desperately wanted to know, but prayed had a different outcome.
As the two versions of the truth melded together, years of my past rushed back. Little tiny pieces that had begun to found their rightful place; blending and weaving ever so carefully creating The Big Picture. The Big Picture that doesn’t show my mom is a favourable light. It’s difficult to see that the truths I’ve believed for so very long were maybe not the truth at all. The person I should believe in, one hundred and fifty per cent, may have purposefully told me lies.
I don’t know how to deal with this information I’ve been given. I asked for it, it wasn’t unloaded on me unjustly. I knew it could potentially stir up some trouble for me and my brother, but I didn’t expect that it would be to this extent. Not that we, ourselves are in any danger but the chances of my mom feeling betrayed and hurt have increased significantly. The possibly of our relationship being changed is considerable, but I knew that going in.
I strongly believe that family events which have changed the course of my relationship with the rest of my family should be told. For years everything was shrouded in secrecy and as I near thirty I deserve to know what’s happened to my family.
I thought I was prepared to know.
Now I’m not so sure.
But I do know, I NEED to know.
{ 14 comments }
Well being in a similar place myself, I say just go with your gut. We all have a sense of loyalty to our mothers and I hope my son will as well. However, there comes a point in your life when you have to take things in your own direction so that your kids will know what YOU want them to know. How important is it, in daily life? Will it affect you/them negatively? Family secrets are just a story that gets told one person, one generation at a time, never really a secret. So, when your kids are at the table with a cup of coffee, how will it play out for them?
ARRRRRR! Why can’t we all just bop along through life without all the quandries?! LOL
Last blog post by Lu..Sneak Attack
I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know what it’s like to find out family secrets… or at least want to know.
My father’s death (I was 7 at the time) is shrouded in mystery. I was told what “happened”, but it seemed like a fishy story to me even then and I embellished it over the years to make it more… believable.
At 26, my paternal grandmother *hinted* it was suicide that took my father. I confronted my mother and opened a box of hell. She insists that’s not what happened. I still don’t really know. I’m going to be 39 in 2 weeks and I still don’t know for sure how my father died. I have inclinations, but not truths. I’m sure if I dug, I could find out the truth… but there’s this part of me that wonders why bother if it will just be toxic?
Whatever it is you’re going through, I hope you cope well with what comes up. I know all too well what it’s like to *think* you’re prepared and then realize that what truths come might be the antithesis of what you bargained for.
Last blog post by Karen..Auntie Babe: January 10, 1942 – May 26, 2009
I think that part of me would have to know the truth – for closure. I couldn’t even imagine being in your situation. xoxo
Wow… I can’t even imagine. I know it’s tough to find out the truth about family members. As children, they were always the infallible adults around us. It’s hard to learn that they are just people, sometimes not very good people. Especially when it comes to our parents. I hope you find a way to accept and understand everything you learn, and to mainain all of your relationships. They are important. *hug*
Last blog post by Kellee..Sometimes there is just so much beauty in the world..
You DO have the right to know, and it’s good you’re trying to take the steps (even if it is painful) to get down to the bottom of it.
You deserve it, they ARE your family and you have a right.
*hugs* xoxox
I have a knot in my stomach. (You do need to know)
How generous you have been driving so far to help.
I will pray for you.
Last blog post by Debby Pucci..TAG YOUR IT ….
That sounds very difficult, and very stressful. Sending love. And tequila.
Last blog post by MG @ MommyGeekology.com..Not Me! Monday
That sounds very difficult, and very stressful. Sending love. And tequila.
Seems like *someone* may have already gotten into the tequila. LOL
I know what it’s like to look back on years past and realize that your mother is not the person you wanted, needed and expected her to be. I know what it’s like to realize she’s not the person you thought she was.
I can’t say anything to change the situation but I can say I understand how you feel.
Babe, you need to know…but also remember that knowing doesn’t change YOU.
You. Beautiful, kind thing that you are.
Last blog post by flutter..I see how today is going to go
*hugs*
The past is an odd thing.
I like the comment above — it won’t change who YOU are.
I’d be happy to discuss more on email. ;p
Last blog post by Al_Pal..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!
I’m thinking of you. It sounds like you’ve heard some difficult things. I hope you are able to find a safe place for the truth.
Last blog post by Lynn..Tween conversations
I’ve never even entertained the thought that my family could be wrong in the feud. It’s VERY difficult to do that. You are brave. And amazingly strong.
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