We all live in our own little worlds of which we chose to share bits and pieces when we have a personal blog such as this. Those little pieces are sometimes meld together by others who make assumptions based on an iota of information and believe them to be true. People make assumptions about another person whom they really know nothing about; they typecast them into little boxes to be labeled and filed away where they may or may not be used against that person again at a later date.
I am no different.
I have a tendency to go off half-cocked sometimes. I get frustrated and angry and I voice that anger.
Case in point: That Post Which I Will Not Link To In Hopes That It Will Die a Fast and Miserable Death.
It’s not one of my finer moments. I know that.
I do not take back what I wrote.
They are my words.
I said them and at the time I meant exactly what I said. Going back and reading That Post Which I Will Not Link To In Hopes That It Will Die a Fast and Miserable Death makes me cringe. I said some pretty shitty stuff.
Them are the breaks.
I can live with that.
They are my words whether I like it or not.
And maybe one day, if I’m lucky enough I’ll be eating them as I ‘work’ from my kitchen table.
Oh, the work quoting was a joke. No actually – a fucking joke. Now no hate in the comments please.
That shitty verbal diarrhea came from a cloud of anger and a feeling of being completely disregarded one of my most vulnerable times. Returning to work in order to buy our a home of our own has been a necessity which we’ve been working towards for many years. We live well within our means and have scrimped and saved to buy our family a home.
The shitty end of the deal? The people that know nothing of me except a link to a shitty post I wrote at a time of great displeasure and hurt. A time when I hadn’t come to terms with the fact that I am was miserable with my lot in life. A time when I hadn’t done anything about it but lash out at those around me. They have assumed (based on comments I’ve read here and elsewhere) that I am a money driven bitch coveting overpriced Electrolux appliances to go along with my lavish lifestyle which I’ve chosen over my children. That hurt more than I can even put into words.
My boys are my world.
Everything I do is for them. Everything.
Aside from that, I had put myself in a position where I’ve hurt a few people dear to me. Some have voiced their dislike, some have pretended not to be upset – though it’s quite obvious they are, and some have just walked away.
I haven’t figured out how I feel about that.
Maybe I deserve to lose some I thought were friends – after-all, they likely thought the same of me until I wrote That Post Which I Will Not Link To In Hopes That It Will Die a Fast and Miserable Death.
Then I think: well, what kind of friends are they really if they can just throw their hands up and walk away because of one shitty thing? Had it been a personal attack then sure I could see where they would be coming from, but – I just don’t know. I’m okay with their decisions because I’ve had enough bad friends in my life; someone who can just walk away like that is free to go.
But then: I don’t want them to go. I don’t do well with people thinking ill of me. I’d hate to think that in a moment of weakness I pushed away all those readers that vowed to never come back those people I considered friends.
*sigh*
I’m still obviously dealing with the aftermath of my verbal diarrhea.
Do they make Imodium for that?
________
* hierarchy of suffering is a post by Megan which I pimp out as much as I can. A post which I should read more often too. Obviously.
{ 71 comments }
Dude.
I’m not going anywhere.
No matter how much poo comes out of you.
I’ll be here to wipe.
With the really fancy toilet paper.
*squishy hugs*
I think it’s awesome that you are willing to stand by what you said, rather than just deleting it and pretending it didn’t happen. Sure, it maybe wasn’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever written, but part of writing on a blog is having that outlet when you need to rant.
The fact that people are willing to walk away from you because you posted one thing on one bad day? Means they were never friends to begin with.
But people like Ms. Moosh In Indy and I … well, we’ll be here to
stalk youhave your back, no matter how bad a day you’re having. Because that’s what real friends do.Loves you lots.
You are Teh Awesome. I can’t tell you that enough.
Awesome.
Thank you for this. Esp the link to the Hierarchy of Suffering.
It’s obvious that you work hard, but it is hard to read how hurt you feel over your boss calling you out for not contributing when I’m also reading your blog posts and your Twitter posts. Which are plentiful. And often. Just saying….well, it may make your readers wonder where you find the time for all that..
I’m going to put out there that your relationship with Mike sounds so much like my relationship with my (now) ex. .I have to say that home ownership was probably the death knoll for our marriage. It brought to the forefront our very different relationship with work and finances and, in the end, I could not live not knowing whether I would have any help paying the mortgage from month to month.
Shutting up now.
I can see how twittering and writing can be perceived as me having time on my hands.
I can twitter here and there throughout the day. It doesn’t really take all that much effort. I twitter a bit when I get to the office, at lunch and maybe when I’m home.
My posts are written at night. I schedule them throughout the day or edit on my lunch hour and posted then.
Admittedly, marriage is / was / has been going through a rough patch. We’re finally on the up swing of our financial woes which have played a huge – HUGE – part in our troubles which I probably – like many – tend to elaborate the WORST scenarios through my posts.
Hey! I covet Electrolux appliances, too!
Seriously, though…I hate that something like this has happened to you because of the post. I think I tend to run people off with my words sometimes, but hey…I guess it happens.
how DARE you be a human BEING?!?!?!
You know, after I wrote my words of support that day I almost wished I hadn’t, only because there were some things in that post that I most definitely disliked. However, that does not mean I dislike you, nor would ever take away my support of YOU. You were very clearly having a bad day/week/month and the most important thing to me when I read that post was not the words themselves, but the pain that lay behind you saying them.
We all say things we don’t really mean, that we can come to regret, but I would never regret supporting a friend, and I don’t regret supporting you. xoxo
I can relate – there are so many times when I’ve said something that I’ve come to regret later. It’s an awful feeling.
I love your honesty and humor, so there’s no way I’m leaving your blog. You’re stuck with me.
I was somewhat new to your blog when I read that post. I started visiting here and there after the death of Maddie. I will be honest and tell you that the post left a bad taste in my mouth. It did lead me to writing this post shortly after which explains my feelings. http://www.mommyfromthemidwest.com/2009/06/were-moms.html
I remember the exact comment I left and your reply to me. I know your reply had a much different tone than the post itself which I appreciated. You’re still in my google reader and never left it
I’ve said it fifty times if I’ve said it once. We do not need friends like that. Period.
Hey those Electrolux-es are like having a maid aren’t they? I swear they sort, iron, fold and put away your clothes – therefore giving you more time with the boys right? So you’re practically a genius. And as for anyone still giving you a grief over one post that may have unintentionally and indirectly offended them; not worth YOUR valuable time to worry about.
I like the way you think.
Do you mind if I use that
excusereason to convince my husband that I must have them!?Not at all! In fact I encourage Electrolux to use it in their marketing campaigns to assist all of us in getting our own (though if they do, I need credit). *swoons and faints thinking of anti-laundry*
I commend you for standing behind what you wrote. Something that comes from your heart in a time of anger, disappointment, frustration, whatever, shouldn’t be held against you by people who are “friends”. If they leave that easily they are worth it.
I fairly new here when you wrote that post and I took it for what it was, your frustration at your own situation.
Been there. Done that. Still waiting for the t-shirt.
I’m impressed and surprised by this post. I read the other post and never weighed in, but was definitely intrigued and a little shocked by the post itself and the aftermath. It was crazy heart-hanging-in-the-wind kind of stuff.
And we are all entitled to a change of heart.
Multiple times.
It’s all a process, babe. … but yeah, for someone that understands my hierarchy post so well, you sure went off the tracks with the finger wagging. (I kid! I kid! Oh my Gah, I kid!)
By the way, I’m skimming the comments and I’ll be so bold as to suggest that it’s not so simple as not needing the friends that were offended and seem to have left. I couldn’t name even one person you are referring to, but I bet it’s more complicated than that. We all know that “I didn’t need them anyway!” is a defense mechanism. It may be true, but time is a major player in this game.
It is a defense mechanism. You’re right. But! At the same time, because I’ve dealt with a few one-sided friendships over the past couple years, I am much more comfortable with letting someone go. Though, that doesn’t mean I want them too.
*sigh*
I let friendships go all the time. Bunch of bastards.
Ya, what’s up with that anyways?
Me? You? Quite possibly the bestest friends someone could ask for! LOL
(I am so rubbing your belly in a few weeks. You’ve been warned.)
it makes me sad that someone would just write you off because of one post. because I know you, and you are really an awesome person
You’re awesomer.
Except for the fact that you’re moving to Atlanta. That’s booo-urns.
oh goodness, if I wrote off every Internet friend because they once wrote something on their blog that I didn’t agree with, I’d have none left.
Your post did get quite a bit of attention–maybe unfairly, since it’s far from being the first to express that opinion, and won’t be the last. I linked to it in a post I wrote about competitive unhappiness and took the opposite stance. But I was disagreeing with what you wrote, not writing you off as a person.
I hadn’t read you before that post, but I’m here and reading now. So you actually gained at least one reader. And maybe some who were so offended they walked away will be back, too.
To be completely honest, I’m surprised that you are. LOL After the comment you left me I thought you’d rather burn me at the stake. (I know it was fueled by my asshatery, so you’re 110% forgiven.)
I’m glad you’re here!!
This is my first visit here. I think I will stick around. I often get a case of verbal diarrhea myself. We all need something to stop us up at times.
Feel free to write whatever you want, whenever you want. Rant and rage if you need. Isn’t that what having your personal blog is all about?
I won’t be going anywhere because (1) we can’t all agree all the time and I won’t hold that against anyone I like and respect and (2) I think you’re a great person. So there.
Hey…we all have those days. Those days where our emotions do the typing. At least you own up to yours. I totally delete mine and pretend it never happened.
I’m like you though, I would feel the need to talk to everyone who suddenly seemed angry.
But listen…you’re right. Anyone that can’t relate to those moments of anger/hurt on the tail of raw emotions…are…I don’t know. But not realistic? If someone can honestly say they’ve never said/written anything they regretted later…then…maybe THEY can hold your post against you. But I think THEY might also be liars. (grin)
I can not even begin to list the things I’ve said/written over the years that I’ve looked back on and realized were powered by heightened and unstable emotions. You are brave for openly declaring and explaining that. I’ve just cowered and apologized.
We all do it. Don’t fret. Maybe someday I’ll tell you about mine. When I’m not cowering in the corner somewhere.
I am new to your blog, but I personally love the way you write. I have become honest on my own blog of late, simply because life has been particularly shitty of late and I was tired of hiding behind the facade that everything is rosy. Yours is the type of blog I most appreciate, because it’s the one that lets me know that I’m not alone in my feelings and experiences. Being honest always has it’s moments of fear and most of that fear comes from the people you least expect it of. I recently wrote a post which totally describes a very difficult time in my life, my marriage, my parenting. I can’t tell you how much I have been judged by people that I thought were friends. It doesn’t matter to me anymore and it shouldn’t matter to you. People are living in real life and good writers are the ones who can touch a part of your soul you didn’t think anyone could. Life is messy and challenging for the best of us. We all fail every day. Being honest about it can be a challenge for those of who would rather not look at the truth.
Keep doing what you do. You are inspiring. I am glad to have come across your blog. And I’m sorry for you being judged. There is way too much of it on the internet. Don’t let it stop you being the one who touches others.
Tricia
Very brave of you, as others have said, to keep the post up.
There’s a detective series I love, the Spenser books by Robert B. Parker. At one point in one of the novels, he says something which offends his client-kind of a personal crack that is really beneath him. The client calls him on it, and he responds that he can’t unsay it, but he can try not to say it again.
Lord knows I have blogged from bad places before too. You can’t unsay it, not really-even if you delete the post, they have read it and the damage, such as it is, has been done.
The best you can do, the best any of us can do, is try to do better.
I respect the strength you show in owning your words and not making excuses.
Good luck.
I think I cheered you on in your original post because you were speaking your truth, and I’m sticking by that.
I read that post, didn’t agree with it, shrugged, and awaited your next post. I’m sure you’ve done that with me as well. You are not defined by a single post. Neither am I. Anyone who thinks differently? Is an idiot.
I love you, and all your facets. We are all package deals. Real friends know that. Forget the rest.
I was a 5 day reader when you posted the “working” post and I still read you every day. I like your honesty! And honestly I can tell you that most days I think to myself when the fuck am I going to get a break! People who left your blog because of that post are silly and naive. We all need to blow off steam and if you heard some of the shit that rolls in around in my head everyday…I would have no friends, real or virtual. We all burdens and most of the time we try to keep them hidden but some days you can’t hold back the waters and you spew! Spewing is good for the soul! I am glad you are honest we need more of it in the world. I responded negatively that day because I was having one of those weeks and it hit me wrong but it is your blog and your thoughts. Your honesty, your vent so here’s to you! I hope life gets a little less stressful for us all. Good luck with the move!
Hey, you inspired me to probably write my own WAHM post. So there’s a positive.
Um.. great?
Please tell me you’re going to be wearing pants. LOL
I will be writing the post naked. Ideally.
Oh yes. Ideally.
That’s exactly what I was thinking.
I’m certainly not going anywhere. You have every right to your feelings and every right to share them on your blog. And I got exactly what you were trying to say.
I’ve been out of the loop this summer, so I have no clue what’s going on (sooprise, sooprise, sooprise) but I totally agree with Maggie. You’re not defined by one post, it’s only small fraction of who you are, and everyone is entitled to rant and rave once in a while. Especially on YOUR blog. I’ve always loved your honesty. And YOU.
this is your blog, you can write whatever you want to write. you know i admire your honesty. looking forward to read more of your posts here!
You mean to tell me that you said something that you REGRET? You said it in a moment of frustration/anger/jealousy/whatever and you didn’t really stop to think about how it would sound to others or how it would make them feel? Gawd, Sam. I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. You’re just way too imperfect and (gasp!) human!
Eff them.
Hear, hear.
If you and I, everyone and their Grandma ALL agreed with each other, we would all be dead. Dead because we all wouldn’t be able to stand each other, because how in the hell do people who think and agree on ALL of the same things, live a fulfilling life? You know… kind of like you should never put 2 male dogs together or they’ll fight? Or you should never throw a husband and wife in the same room when their are financial troubles or something ick going on?
You write whatever your little heart desires. You wrote a post out of frustration, anger, fear and you wrote it from your heart. You wrote what you truely believed and had you not written it or written it half assed or half true just so people liked what they read or so you were worried you didn’t offend anyone? Then that’s not your true writing… that’s not your true opinion, and frustration, anger, and fear… that’s not you and if someone is going to stop reading you because they disagreed on one post of yours?
Well then ta’ hell they go… because really? Who are they kidding? Do they think you are the only person who felt the way you did when you wrote that post? Do they realize that 90% of the bloggers who were thinking exactly what you were thinking didn’t have the courage or the guts to post what you did? So, they’re going to stop reading you because you posted what you believed in at the time or whenever… well, screw ‘em. Ya win some, ya lose some… their loss, baybee.
You are you. Your blog is yours. Your writing is your writing. Truth is the truth. Your feelings are your feelings. And I don’t know about you but I sure as hell would rather read someones true feelings and fears and other stuff that is 100% honest instead of typing shit they just want readers to like… then reading someone who is just pulling things out of their ass because they are afraid of the aftermath. Whatev.
And that is why we are still here. I *heart* you.
LOL! You’re on my blogroll bc of that post. Otherwise I would have never known of your awesomeness. Don’t let insecure people on teh interwebz get you down- they are petty and stupid and oh, idiots.
I applaud you for sticking by your post. It sucks for you to be judged by a bad day regarding something a lot of us struggle with. This is your outlet and where you express yourself. I would much rather have a friend who was brutally honest, who may have slipped up and offended some people …but in the end , was strong enough to apologize but at the same time stand up for how you feel. I admire you for that.
The possibility of pissing people off or someone that I vent about finding “my blog” is what has discourage me from starting one. Sam, you inspire me and I’m sure a lot of others with your beautious writing and brutal honesty.
Well I am pretty new here but one of the things that keeps me coming back is your honestly. I don’t read so you can blow smoke up my arse. What would be the point of that? I appreciate the rawness of your writing and the fact that you are not running away from it now. It is a tough subject, but the great thing about this world is that we can all be so different and still be friends.
That hierarchy of suffering is so easy to get into it. When you’re feeling hurt, it’s all you can see. I wish we would, as women, cut each other a little slack when we see it happening to one another.
And the thing is, Sam, there ARE real differences between moms who work at home and moms who work outside the home. It’s OK to acknowledge those differences – and it’s definitely OK to say “um, hi, BIG faction of this group you’re referring to isn’t being represented in this conversation”.
The trouble – as you’ve acknowledged – is when that leads to “and not only that, but mine is WORSE!”
But it is something we all do at one time or another.
A little compassion and empathy when we do sure goes a long way, in my opinion.
Dude, bravo to you for standing by what you wrote. You took a hard stance on something that you obviously have a strong opinion on and you’re getting fallout because of it.
I didn’t agree with you, I wrote my own thing, you responded to my post with a well-written reply and I think that’s awesome.
I completely respect you for owning what you said and it sucks that people have dropped you or are talking shit.
As cliché as this is, you win some and you lose some but the ones who stick around are the ones you can really count on.
The thing about blogging that I’ve learned is that some people will never forget that ONE time you said something they disagreed with and will write you off forever. Most of those people, I just shrug my shoulders and forget about them. I think that MOST people are able to read through those posts when we say something (possibly) offensive and 1) realize the writer is having a bad day, 2) think, “Huh, they have a different opinion than I do” 3) think you’re the greatest thing since Dooce for having written something controversial.
I’m still here. Not that that says alot, but just wanted you to know that I’m not in the “write you off” category.
Wait. Dooce? Who is this Dooce you speak of?
That does mean something good? Right?
Or bad? Is it bad?
So, I have no idea to what post you’re referring b/c a: I’m here and 2: there are approximately 793 posts in my reader waiting to be read. So, I’m a little behind.
That being said; you have enlightened me to the fact that there are ZOMG Swedish Berries out there just waiting for me to consume them and for that? I will always be indebted to you.
Uh, that would be I’m new here. Although, technically, I am here, too.
Just wanted to say I for one am returning to your blog and I love it. I think you have every right to say how you feel. People can either read or not read. I tend to say some heated things in the moment too I think we all do. Anyway big ((hug)) =-)
Jodee =-)
I wrote a post about the same thing (at least, I hope we’re talking about the same thing and not, like, ingrown toenails or something) expressing very similar frustrations and kind of regretted it immediately because it did seem to become this back and forth of “whose life sucks worse?” It was really frustrating because all I was trying to convey was that I felt like there was a whole HUGE area (actually, “huge” doesn’t even cover it; “overwhelming majority” is more like it) of that certain group of people who were just ignored and that that was shitty. and also there were certain parts of that…thing…that sparked these responses that were just downright condescending and, sorry, but fuck that.
anyway, don’t feel bad about what you wrote. you carved a space for yourself on the internet so that you could say what you feel and you really don’t have to consider everyone else in the world when you do it.
Much as has already been written before me, 1) I wouldn’t base my opinion of you on one post (quite frankly, I’d be pretty damned disappointed in myself for being so narrow-minded and knee-jerk reactiony — is so a word
), and 2) I’m proud of you for speaking your mind then and standing by it now.
You GO girl. *3 snaps in Z formation*
We can’t always please EVERYONE, can we? Someone is always going to get pissed, no matter what. You spoke your mind, it was YOUR opinion. No one can challenge YOUR opinion.
People need to lighten up and realize that everyone has their own thoughts and ideas – and they have the right to them.
I love you Sam….kudos to you for being so brave and having your voice heard! MUAH!
I wasn’t bothered by the post at all. I’m a WAHM and I agreed with you more than I did any of the rebuttals I saw floating around.
I guess I was one of the few? I dunno. Who cares?! Let’s move it along, nothing to see here folks!!
… and this is why I love you so.
Well, not because you agreed with me (even though that’s a plus) but that you’re just as honest and forthcoming as I try to be.
It may seem trite, but I’m still gonna go there.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind.”
- Dr. Seuss
I still think you’re cool.
i’M Embarrased – which post r u talking about?
I read ur blog and follow you on twitter and I think you’re awesome sauce.
PLUS, i don’t have a blog of my own – so you can say anything you want, cuz, it’s . . . um, . . . yours.
I’m sure it’s been said before. In fact you said it. But keep repeating it to yourself until you’re convinced “if those friends will leave/turn their backs on you simply because you said something they didn’t agree with then they weren’t friends to begin with”.
For what it’s worth, you can’t get rid of me that easily.
XOXO!
We’ve all been there…sometimes it’s not online for all posterity, but you’re not alone. And, as many have stated already, those that choose one post to change their opinion of you, are not your friends. We all have moments where emotion gets the better of our judgement. Some people scream, some cry, some clam up and don’t talk, some write….as bloggers, guess what helps us??? Keep writing…whatever you’re feeling. Emotions are honest, open and sometimes hard to hear, but they’re yours and no one can take them from you.
it took a lot of guts to post this. i commend you. and even though i said i wasn’t reading anymore. i lied. i never stopped.
I have to admit I was one of those people who’s fingers hovered over the “unsubscribe” button. But then I realized it wasn’t a personal attack and if we were out having drinks and sharing notes on how hard certain aspects of our lives are, you probably would be sympathetic to my hardships, just as I am sympathetic to yours. That said, I had a little hissy fit of “I’ve done both and this is WAY harder” but I’m over it. Life is hard. I come to blogs to find a community that I don’t have at home and collect other points of view. You simply have a different point of view from me. Don’t stop writing what you feel. And good luck with that move, we are under contract as well which means I can add packing and moving to my lists of running 2 businesses w/ 2 toddlers and a husband who works away from home 4 nights a week!!
Opinions are like assholes, right? Everyone’s got one. And I seriously doubt that one person’s asshole is better than another’s. That’s just disgusting. Or maybe there really ARE good assholes and bad assholes. I’m just glad we can all share our opinions and not our assholes.
What I mean to say is, you’re entitled to your opinion, and you’re also entitled to change your opinion! And to have a bad day, and all that hoo-ha.
You have a great blog, and I certainly didn’t stop reading over one post. Eventually it will be a faded memory.
Hang in there!!
I happened upon your blog from that post that you wish would die a fast and miserable death and guess what? I came back. Your post actually sparked me to post about the very same thing. It is a hard balance, that of motherhood and working. Its a touchy subject, one that we on either side can get very defensive of. Shit happens, we say stupid stuff sometimes that we wish we could take back but we cant. What is done is done. You are way ahead of the game acknowledging that you made a mistake. If your “friends” arent willing to accept that and move on, they werent your “friends” to begin with. I dig your blog cause you are honest and funny. Keep it up.
I read this post and the original one, and a lot of other people’s comments and blog posts. Wow. Holy controversy.
I guess I still agree with what you said originally on a number of fronts.
But, good for you for saying what you did in this post.
The thing that still bugs me about this post is that you feel like some people have given up on you.
I don’t really get why people would give up on your for saying how you feel.
If I gave up on every mom who said to me (yes, WAHMs even) who said to me “I’m at home because I don’t want a stranger to raise my kids” I’d have very few mom friends. And, I think that’s probably meaner than what you said. I really do.
But whatever.
I think motherhood gives you a thick skin. And I think that no matter what choices we make re: working we ALL have our kids’ best interests in mind. And, covet away when it comes to the appliances.
To quote Dr. Seuss: “be who you are and say what you feel because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.”
Well, you are better off without people who are willing to walk away. I don’t know what has crawled up everyone else’s ass, but I’m still sitting here, reading, and enjoying every word.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You said what you said and frankly I saw nothing wrong with it. Some people obviously did.
But a true friend would hopefully be willing to talk to you about it, even if it hurt them in some way and not just walk away. I think when we are open and raw and emotional, is when we tend to learn who our true friends are.
Where is the link to the damn post LOL Have no idea what you are talking about… but Sam, one of the things that drew me to you was you complete frankness and honesty! You hide nothing, you say it like it is… and I LIKE that! And you are human
So link, please:-)
I think anyone that knows you on twitter would know that you have been working your asses off to make this house thing happen. I know you’re not off buying new iPhones and shit.
I didn’t have much to say about the post in question except what I already said to you on twitter.
I can’t wait to meet you!!! (SQUEEEE!!!!)
(Oh and I pretty much never read blogs anymore, so no worries there!!! hahaha)
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