Comments on: Love Beyond the Chemistry

By: Devilish Southern Belle

Devilish Southern Belle — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:07:12 +0000

Like Moosh said….you are not alone. I hope you are able to rediscover one another, be good to one another, and that he’ll take some of the weight off, responsibilities-wise. Or at the very least, make peace with one another. I know firsthand how hard it is to live with having most of the responsibilities of running your lives and the resentment that comes from it.

By: home buying tips

home buying tips — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:11:31 +0000

Hi, I love your mini application which can be used with “Love Beyond the Chemistry”

By: moosh in indy.

moosh in indy. — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:24:29 +0000

I’m late too.
You are not alone.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Repeat.
I love you so much.

By: maggie, dammit

maggie, dammit — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 22:57:41 +0000

I’m late on this babe but I’ve been there and I really believe it can be better. It is better for me and it can be better for you and the most important thing is recognizing it, all of it, looking it straight in the face so you both know what you’re dealing with.

You deserve only good things. I believe in you.

By: Grumble Girl

Grumble Girl — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 15:52:12 +0000

I’m so sorry. Really. I think one can only change oneself… you can only start with you. Try to find a way to bring up your “stuff” when you’re not in the totally-deservedly-super-angry place, and begin with “I’m frustrated because…” I know that sounds hokey and trite, but all I can say is it’s been working for us for years now. I try my very best to treat my husband as if I LIKE having him around, and LOVE him like I did way bak in the day when we were all new and shiny… I know firsthand that you can’t take back what’s been said – and I’m not going to hurt my love, my friend, the person I “picked” over all the others like that ever again. I mean EVER! I shudder at the unkindnesses I used to hurl… glad that’s over now. Just try. I know it sucks the HUGE hairy dick sometimes, but just try.

By: Christina

Christina — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:00:53 +0000

For a moment, I thought you tapped into my thoughts. I could have written this same post, only substituting crying for yelling hurtful things.

I didn’t mind the old set-up my husband and I had. I didn’t even resent that he got to eat lunch in peace while I had kids to deal with. But after he was laid off, things changed. I still did as much, he did less. When I got a job out of the house, I still did much of the old stuff: paying bills, making appts. for the family, tracking school paperwork, setting out clothes, etc. Hell, I still do most of the job hunting for him.

Like you, I feel like I have an extra child, and it really frustrates me. We’ve been in therapy for nearly a year, and sometimes I wonder if it’s helping at all. I finally broke this week and told him to stop being a baby, whining about looking for a job that would satisfy his passions and just get a damn job. I feel like I’m the only one thinking of the family as a whole while he thinks of himself.

I know that somewhere under all of that resentment and anger we love each other. Finding that again is the hard part, but I’m not ready to give up yet. Sounds like you aren’t either, and I wish you all the luck in the world at finding the core of that love again.

By: Nenette

Nenette — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:31:36 +0000

I’m so sorry, Sam. Your anger and frustration come so clear in your post.
My husband and I went through a spot of what you’re going through after our daughter was born. He was going through his own crisis (finding a job to support his wife and now-2 children), and I was going through mine (recovering from childbirth and dealing with all the adjustments having a newborn brings). We lost each other for a while, and there was a lot of resentment and feelings of abandonment and lack of support.
Our return to “us” was gradual and required a lot of work, not on the relationship, but on ourselves. I don’t know what he did for himself, but for me, I had to find my identity all over again. And luckily, after all that, we found each other again.

It does sound like your husband isn’t acting very partner-like. He needs to start acting like an adult. I’d say let him make mistakes… let him forget to make the calls, pay the tickets, etc. Stop taking care of him, and let him see what he’s suddenly missing. Sometimes, people need a wake-up call. Sounds like he needs one.

Meanwhile, take care of yourself. Find your center. Focus on your needs.
And hopefully, you’ll both find each other again, in the end. I wish you the best. xo

By: Sheila (Charm School Reject)

Sheila (Charm School Reject) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:21:15 +0000

I’m bawling.

Literally.

Tears flowing and snot running because, except for the SAHM and the circumstances around our meeting, this is my story.

I’ve been with my husband since I was eighteen and he was sixteen.

But this is my story.

It’s been eating me alive – the hypocrisy that I deal with every single day, while I pretend to not notice the harmful words I throw at him. And yet, I get all righteously indignant should my best friend’s boyfriend say anything like that to her. The same words I’ve said to my husband have put me on total defensive mode for her.

And that makes me sad.

You’ve written the words that I have had trapped inside, unable to be released.

By: Stone Fox

Stone Fox — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:34:25 +0000

Why do i say mean things specifically designed to get the maximal hurt? because i want to be heard. i want my husband to stop talking and listen to me. listen. to. my. words. listen to me say that it is not always easy being at home pretending to RAVE over another fucking book about another fucking bulldozer, or not make a big deal about another pee that didn’t make it to the potty. (and don’t get me wrong, even though it is not easy, it is still what i love. i love being with my kids.) i want my husband to understand that it is demeaning to me to call what i do “easy.”

it is not easy to be the financial planner and stretch every dollar as far as possible and still feel like it’s not enough.

i want my husband to stop being all about him and start being all about me. focus on ME.

i realize this is all completely selfish. i’ve only been married for 5 years; my marriage is still too young for me to know what i’m doing. “fake it till you make it” sounds like a really interesting concept, though.

By: flutter

flutter — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:27:01 +0000

I think with the longest loves, we reach that level of comfort that lets us take the grandest advantage.

Because we begin to think of our love, the way we think of ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I have so much negative self talk that I can’t help for it to spill over onto him, my heart, my soulmate.