As I reach for the scattered pieces, bringing them back to their rightful home, there’s a wind threatening to carry those thoughtfully sorted piece slightly out of reach; approaching with vengeance, it tries to steal everything. Unrelenting.
I stand my ground. I can’t lose my pieces again. I hold them tight, begging the wind to leave them intact, but it doesn’t listen.
The wind howls through me, carrying everything away. I stand there watching, unmoving, as they are scattered carelessly about. I try to remember just where those pieces fit. Where they belong. I can’t.
Silence.
I imagine what it was like to be whole. I want that again. I’m afraid to gather them up again in case they are ripped from me. I can’t fight any longer, but I can’t give up.
The wind natters at my back. I try to ignore it in hopes that it will leave me well enough alone as I slowly collect my dispelled pieces. I protect them fiercely this time. I can’t afford to lose them again. The wind won’t defeat me.
I am re-building. Stronger.
:::
I’ve taken a leave from this site over the past two weeks completely by chance. I’ve been really busy with work, our new house and my children. From an unexpected trip to Pittsburgh, writing a number of reports, to re-tiling our main bathroom, pruning trees and closing our pool I’ve had very little time to reflect and write (not counting my mindless banter of course).
- Thanksgiving weekend came and went with Mike working everyday. I spent time with my family and my kids for three days, without my husband. Needless to say, I do realize now just how much help he really can be when he’s here.
- I traveled to Pittsburgh and back: I didn’t get lost, forget where I parked my car or get asked a million questions by customs.
- I’ve gotten a prescription for new meds and a referral for a sleep study. I’ve started seeing a chiropractor three times a week.
I’m trying to get my life back on track. Just hoping the wind stays at my back and I can keep it together.
flutter says:
You are loved, Sam.
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
thanks friend. xoxo
October 19th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy says:
You can do it, lady. I know you can.
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
I’m trying. Some days are better than others. A huge catalyst? The amount of sleep I get. And I am a night owl and have to get up early (5am) for work. It’s nasty.
October 19th, 2009 at 1:30 am
Hilly says:
You are an amazing woman who can do anything. Just remember that, okay?
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
I can do anything because I have friends like you. *hugs*
October 19th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Lynn from For Love or Funny says:
Cheering for you.
October 19th, 2009 at 8:50 am
Gina says:
If I had known you were in town, I would have stalked you. Then bought you a drink and told you to hang in there.
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Had I been there long enough and not working for 18 hours a day I would have TOTALLY taken you up on that.
October 19th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Carrie says:
Glad to see a new post! Hang in there, the tides will change!
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I want to write, feel guilty that I’m not and then I can’t think of anything! THE. PRESSURE! LOL
xo
October 19th, 2009 at 10:55 am
AmazingGreis says:
Things will slow down soon. You must take time for YOU. We’ll be here when you get back.
XOXO
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Thanks lady. I think it’s just a matter of organizing my life, my priorities and my work-life balance.
I think I need a life coach. LOL
October 19th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Krystle @snarkykisses says:
Bad Friend. Didn’t comment when I initially read it.
So proud of you and happy for you that you’ve done what you’ve done. I think we all need to take a step back and do what you’ve done, every now and again. Especially when the blawgy dramaz starts; cuz yanno… I can only handle my undies to be in a bundle for SO LONG!
But! Glad you’re back, and please… next time you’re going to take a LOA, let me know. I thought for a second the canada’s took you away, and you were never to return. *gasp*
Huh?
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
You’re a great friend and I am so happy to have you in my life. xoxox
I’ll let you know if I don’t plan on writing – deal? LOL
October 19th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
jennster says:
you’ll be awesome, cause you are.
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Thanks Jennster
Please tell me we’re going to FINALLY meet sometime??!
jennster Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 12:21 pm
i mean really!!!!!!!!!!!!! we need to make that happen!!!! what if we fall in love and never want to leave eachother’s arms?! lol
sam {temptingmama} Reply:
October 21st, 2009 at 12:23 pm
ROFL. I am entirely OK with that. The boys can figure it out without us We can run away together, off into the sunset!
I’m so ready! xo
October 19th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Karen Sugarpants says:
put on a fuckin’ jacket. it’s cold.
xoxoxo
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
where’s yer toque, eh?
October 19th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
ali says:
re-build away, Sam. You can do it!
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Thanks friend. *hugs* I miss you.
October 19th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Devilish Southern Belle says:
Good for you!
October 20th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Karly says:
You’re gonna make it through this, Sam. Good for you for getting your meds adjusted and getting that referral. Things will start looking up soon. Promise.
samantha Reply:
October 20th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Once I make those brownies? All will be right with the world.
October 20th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Jillian says:
Last month was a very funky month. I think it had something to do with the planets being in retrograde. Anyway, you are not alone in your depressed state.
But hopefully, we are all climbing out of it only to reach greater heights.
Sometimes we need those lows, especially if we are creative. Even though when we are in such a sorry-assed state and we can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel something good usually will come out of it. So stay positive!
October 21st, 2009 at 8:46 am
J from Ireland says:
Good for you woman. Best wishes.
October 21st, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Mrs. Schmitty says:
I have been away from the Blogosphere lately. I am not in sync with many of my friends here. I hope all comes together for you Sam. You know I love ya!!
Hugs to you sweetie!!
October 22nd, 2009 at 4:51 pm