For a long time I was happy with the fact that I am rather laid back; but that laid back attitude has transformed over the years to more of a slacker. A slacker of mass proportions.
Mass proportions, like my ass – which has grown exponentially as well I might add.
My general disdain of anything that remotely related to housework, cleaning, yard work or – dare I say it – activity in general, has moulded me into this lazy fat cow that takes up residence on my sofa from the hours of 7pm to 11pm, then in my bed from 11pm to 5am.
I know, right? It’s like confessional or something. Except I’ve never had my first communion, so it can’t be confessional. I think. Ah, forget it, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
This fat cow has taken over my life to the point where You want me to climb 13 steps to the kitchen to get a drink? You gotta be FUCKIN’ KIDDING ME!!?
I don’t know where things made a turn from the active busy-all-the-time lifestyle I used to lead. I can’t pin point the time in my life where I decided that breathing was all the exercise that I needed. It’s actually quite shameful.
Working full time with two young children, a small business of my own, a house that is in need of some serious TLC doesn’t bode well for getting svelte, but every little bit can help right? And so, I’ve started walking 5 miles a day while I listen to the Glee soundtrack, trying my damnedest not to sing out loud.
But it’s not just the need for activity in my life, it’s the lack of organization. I have structure, plenty of that, but it’s the filing, the organizing the knowing where the fuck I’m supposed to be and when that’s getting to me.
I know my house is in a state of disarray. It’s going to likely be like that for many years to come, but the constant clutter makes me edgy and stabby on a good day. Even the rooms we’re not currently using are still in boxes awaiting the time that the bedrooms are painted and ready to be set up.
That after 3 months of living here. It makes me itchy just thinking about the idea of that stuff waiting to be unpacked past Christmas (which is less than 60 days away FOR THE LOVE OF BABY JESUS).
Here comes my confession, are you ready?
Wait for it…
I want to be more Type A than Type B.
I want to alter my personality just so to take on just a little more caring and a little less – SLUG.
I want to be acutely aware of everything in my house. I want it all to have a place, I want it clean and I want it clutter free. I want to have my important papers filed away, I want my bins labeled (preferably with a Brother P-touch PT-1010 Labeller)* and I want baskets!
I want to have my kids in activities so they’re busy.
I want to be a PTA mom, a soccer mom, a hockey mom.
I want to wash my floors BEFORE I develop a tick and am consumed with guilt that my youngest will develop some weird ailment from eating shit off my kitchen floor.
I want to have the beds made, the rooms cleaned, the laundry done and the garden pristine.
I want to have my Christmas shopping well underway.
I want to be that lady who is always put together and looks like she’s going to a fashion show when all she’s doing is getting diapers at the market.
I want to host girl’s nights, remember my friend’s kid’s birthdays and to bring the field trip form in on time.
I want run a successful on-line business while indulging in social media.
I want to aim high and meet my goals.
I want to keep up with the Jones’.
I guess it’s fair to say I’m fighting an internal battle of wills. I want to be someone I’m not and I’m really down about the person that I am. I want more for myself and I don’t know where to start.
So I just don’t.
Instead I eat cake and talk shit about those uppity bitches.
No, not you. I could never talk shit about you. I mean those other uppity bitches.
_________
* I am in no way being endorsed for the link to the Brother P-touch PT-1010 Labeller. Doesn’t mean I’m against it either. *waves* Hey, Brother!
Karen Sugarpants says:
i like you the way you are. just so you know. but i get what you’re saying. i want to be on top of all that crap too – except the pta stuff. meh.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
punkinmama says:
Wow, are you inside my brain? I could have totally written this post! Except I’m too lazy to do that… can I just copy and paste it into my own blog, please?
Seriously.
November 10th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Chibi Jeebs says:
Totally not asinine. I used to be organized and on top of things and busy and active and liked it. I honestly don’t know what happened or when (I have a sneaking suspicion it was after Chebbar moved in, not that he’s made me lazy, more that he’s calmed me down and caused me to adopt a more laid-back lifestyle (which is not a bad thing compared to the hyper-drive I used to live in)).
Now, when I start to think about alllll the stuff I’m not doing, or alllll the stuff I could be doing better, I get overwhelmed and feel panic-attacky, so I just put it out of my head. Doesn’t really help, but I’m not quite sure what else to do at this point. Just call me Ostrich. *goes to bury head in sand*
Once again, you’re not alone, dear heart. <3
November 10th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Maddy says:
That’s a thoroughly ambitious list, I feel exhausted just reading it, let alone attempting to do any of it.
Cheers
November 10th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Karen says:
… and there you have it.
Once again, you freak me out how similar we are. I too want to be type A, yet sadly, am NOT AT ALL.
I still call myself a closet perfectionist.
Now I know there’s at least one person that won’t laugh at me for that.
November 10th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Issa says:
I get this. Although I aim to be the type B mom, instead of the type C mom. No, serious. My kids wore their costumes from last year and didn’t get pumpkins. But they are so used to this type of thing, that it didn’t even phase them.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Sincerely, jenni says:
It’s a bar that has been set quite high by one of those uppity bitches. I have quit bothering to try and be just like them. Instead, I have just tried to improve myself, a little at a time.
I’ve discovered the key to being organized is getting yourself a good planner. AND USING IT, So whether its a paper planner or a BlackBerry (I stick with paper), write stuff down. I make notes to myself in it, I keep track of appointments and activities for my whole family, and I make myself a chore list. I make my kids’ chore lists.
Being organized and “turning into a Type A” doesn’t happen overnight. It’s baby steps. You’ll get there, hun.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Lisa says:
I could have written almost this entire post. I’m so there with you. I want to be more active, more organized, more put together, more…. I just wish I could figure out how to do it. let me know if you figure it out before I do.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
kgirl says:
I am SO not type-A, but I am still a control freak. Basically, that makes me a bitch with a messy house. My poor husband.
November 10th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
flutter says:
well as long as you aren’t talking shit about me…:P
November 11th, 2009 at 2:23 am
Hilly says:
You know the one really weird thing about writing for Aiming Low for that brief period of time that I did? I started to feel guilty because hi, I don’t aim low…I aim high. When I first moved here and was sad all of the time, it was a rarity that I moved or did anything but these days? I’m all about goals and bettering myself and all of the good stuff that goes with it.
What I am trying to say is that I totally understand and can give you the scoop from halfway to the other side of it. Sure, I’m not miss Active Annie quite just yet but I’m headed there and it feels awesome. The trick? Small steps each day…which you are doing so yay!
I love you, girlie girl. Aim high!
November 11th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Robin Plemmons says:
I feel like I just wrote this. minus the walking 5 miles a day. I’m still on sitting on my ass in my pajamas eating fudge rounds.
November 11th, 2009 at 11:44 am
WM says:
Dude, you work full time and are raising children and maybe in there trying to find some time for husband and friends. Pulleaze, that takes organization and time and is not lazy. (because if it is then dammit all I must admit I’m one lazy hefer)
But I get what you are saying. I feel it too. I just now got my kids in to regular activities and they are in first grade. My house… I keep the parts that people will see mostly clean. Everything else..I get to it when I can. It’s a process.
November 11th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Devilish Southern Belle says:
I feel the EXACT same way. But I commend you for walking 5 miles a day…that would probably take me two hours that I don’t really have. I am lucky if I get to walk 30 minutes a day :/ Retail really isn’t conducive to a good workout schedule.
Usually I am on top of organization of things in my home, but not here lately. Retail also doesn’t leave me much time to WANT to do anything other than veg.
Good luck getting your life in the order you want everything in! You can do it!
November 12th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Pepper says:
If you figure out how to all that stuff, maybe some sort of personality changing pill, sign me up! LOL
November 12th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Allyson/@HBMomof2 says:
I think I am one of “those” moms for the most part, but a little secret: We aren’t any happier with our lives, most of us are some kind of anti-depressant, we are slaves to our families and not ourselves, and we have low self esteem and our attempts to quell that low self esteem is the perfection in our homes, lives and kids’ birthday parties. I can speak for myself when I say my Christmas shopping is almost done, holiday meals planned and decor purchased, but I am pretty miserable for the most part.
November 13th, 2009 at 4:01 am