I’ve been teetering on the edge of losing my ever loving mind over the past few weeks. Between working 70 hours a week in the office, another 20 – 30 at night on my own business, I’ve worn myself down to merely a zombie going through the motions. Mike was off work for the past 6.5 weeks and I’ve been doing what I can to pump out some quick work to bring in a little extra cash while I’ve been swamped at my salary paying regular job. Without him, I’m certain this house would have imploded.
I try valiantly to find balance, but I find that I become consumed by one or the other depending on how much attention they require. The kids get sick, I stay home, things come up that need my attention then I spend too much time away from the office or unavailable, the boss notices and then there’s reprimand. Should I have to put in additional hours – which include weekends – then family and marriage suffer. Finding that balance is a feat in itself and I am finding I am not so strong at managing my home and work-life balance.
Actually, I am failing that balance.
I know it’s short term and will eventually, (hopefully) work itself out. It has to. I love what I do. I love working. I love being a part of something and contributing to amazing and wonderful transformations on a daily basis. Driving into Downtown Toronto and seeing the skyscrapers and condo buildings makes me proud because even though they have become eye sores and block out any natural light in the downtown core, I have been a part of their construction. Though my work is neatly hidden beneath soil, steel and glass, It’s an amazing feeling to know that I have contributed to that.
But that feeling, as amazing as it is, is really nothing compared to that of being there for your children. Teaching them, learning with them, being there during their Firsts. Nothing in the world can neither compare nor replace that, and I don’t I want it to.
I want both.
I want to find that perfect equilibrium.
But then again, don’t we all?
I am not about to quit my job, though I do appreciate the links and feedback on my last few posts, I am just working through being overworked and underpaid, fatigued and riddled with Mommy Guilt. It’s regular day-to-day around here. I need to rant and vent, but I am so grateful to have you. To hear my woes and encourage me to keep on keeping on.
Just a few more hours of sleep. That’s all I need.
Oh, and a life coach, personal organizer, nanny and a winning lottery ticket.
I wasn’t kidding. I want it all.
{ 5 comments }
I love you to pieces. That is all. <3
(Also? What an awesome way to look at it – YOU (me, too, but over here in BC!) helped build that!)
I so want it all too. For the first few years of my girls life, I worked soooooo much. All I wanted was to be at home. Now? I wish I had a pretty shiny office to go too. Lunches. Dinners with clients and co-workers. Sigh.
I think we always want it all. We want to be able to figure out how to have it all. If only life came with a dam instruction manual on how to get it all.
Oh Sam, it will work itself out! I can only imagine what you mean…I’m sure I’ll learn it in the next two years when I start working after school. At least I’ll know who to turn to for advice
You’re awesome xoxo
oopps forgot to subscribe…
heh.
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