I turned 29 on the 16th.
I’m indifferent about it.
I’m no longer a teenager, I’m not a fun! and party animal! twenty-year-old club-goer, and I’m not yet 30.
I’m in limbo. I’m at the point where there is really nothing considerably interesting about my age. I haven’t reached the Top of The Hill and I’m not Over The Hill. I’m just here, mid-point (okay, maybe not mid, but it feels like it) of my adult life.
I think I’m having my Quarter Life Crisis.
I’ve begun second guessing some major choices in my life, mainly my career and where I’m going – or not going – with it. Lately I feel as though I am stuck. I’m not going up, down or even laterally. I dread sitting at my desk, day in and day out. There’s nothing stimulating about my work anymore and I feel it’s because I’ve been pigeon-holed into a position that I really have no desire for. I feel as though I have to settle for it because of my children. Yes, I said it; and I know that’s such a shitty – and cliché – thing to say, but sometimes that’s how I feel, particularly in my office where I am currently the only parent who is the primary caregiver. Don’t get me wrong, they are very understanding (to a point), but I feel – actually, I know – that the fact my kids are my number one concern has held me back from opportunities which would have played a significant part in advancing my career. I don’t regret having my kids, or when I had them; they are the most important people in my life, but I would be lying if I said they didn’t affect the course my career has taken. It’s reality – especially for a woman in the construction industry, still one of the most manliest trades.
My company provides decent health care benefits and some great perks, and I fear that if I were to leave I wouldn’t receive the same benefits or compensation elsewhere. That in of itself scares me out of taking a chance and either going back to school or just looking for something different. If I were in my early twenties and still childless, I think I would be less concerned about being out of work, but I can’t possibly leave my job without something else. Not because we can’t downsize our bills, sell a car or divert some of our spending, but because *I* would panic daily HOURLY, about the future and what could/would/may happen if we were to be down to a single income family.
I want to find something that makes me happy again. Getting back into exercising regularly had made me realize that I haven’t seen myself in years. I have been just a shell. A miserable, lazy, self-conscious and bored person.
I want more.
I need more.
{ 14 comments }
just to make sure you know saying your at a 1/4 way life crisis at 29 implies you intend to live to 116. Now that’s something to drink about, as someone whose body totally revolted on the day after their 40th birthday I can tell you if this is mid life I am at peace with that. but yea, I will not go gently into the night… also, we did the downsize 1 income thing and oh yeah it sucks, constant panic attacks… good luck
I totally understand what you speak of regarding the job. However, it doesn’t sound like you feel you can look while you are where you are. Sometimes just a change of scenery can re-energize the work you do. Sometimes that change also carries some new elements that also help to keep the profession fresh and feeling new.
I am a bit older than you. Life doesn’t stop at 30 so log as you don’t want it to. Never feel like you cannot seek out new opportunities because you are where you are. I am presently seeing a new place to put my lunch box each day and I’m doing so without interfering much with current duties.
Part of my requirements is I get those all important health benefits covered in some way from day 1 or I don’t go anywhere. The right place at the right time will and can always do things for the right person. I’ve done it twice before and I’ll do it again or I’ll stay put until I find the right change.
I hate that you feel this way. But only you can change it. If you want something bad enough, do it Sam. I’m going to start nursing school at age 37 ferchrissakes. Deb Roby once said to me, you’re going to be 40 anyway – why not do want you want to do?
I wish I’d known that at 29. Or had the confidence to do it then.
What Karen said.
I think you’re right to be cautious, but that doesn’t mean you’re also STUCK.
Is there a way you could enjoy this job more? Maybe add a little social media or design into your work life and get paid for it?
Wishing you JOY in your work — life’s too short not to reach for the brass ring!
Life is too short not to change what we don’t like. Yes change can be scary but what’s important is that you are happy with the way your choices have effected your life. Not unhappy.
I’m 37 and while I bitch and moan, I love the job and the company I work for . It took dealing with some really shitty situations before I came to the realization that hey “I deserve better than this and dammit I’m going after it” And now I’ve got it.
No everything isn’t all sunshine and roses all the time – but it’s a whole hell of a lot better than feeling stuck and or held back.
The best assvice I can give is take good care of you. You’ll be a better caregiver to your children for having done so.
Sam, I am so there with you. “A miserable, lazy, self-conscious and bored person”. I realize now how long I’ve put things on hold and need to start doing more for myself. I just finished a training through the hospital I work at, so that I could get clinical and get the flexibility to go back to school and be clinical to make that transition easier. The only thing that opened my eyes, was my age (30) and thinking that I don’t want to look back in 30 years and not be able to say that I’ve been happy with how I’ve lived my life. You deserve to be happy and I’m sure you know deep down what would change that for you, but it seems impossible when you’ve done the same thing for so long. It’s routine and change can be scary, but I hope you do it for you.
HI! Well, one thing to consider is this: If you aren’t happy, your family isn’t happy. If you’re not living in a healthy, happy state of mind, your kids are affected.I’m not saying this to come down on you in any way, but instead to say it isn’t selfish to do something you love and NOT settle! I would suggest finding something you’re passionate about to do on the side-. Something that makes you feel alive, even if only for a little bit. in the meantime, keep your job but be searching for a new one! You don’t have to quit with nothing to go toward! You are gold and there will be workplaces that see that value in you and honor you for it.
I hope that helps and encourages you! You’re gonna make it.
I adore you Sam. All I can say right now though, is solidarity sister. am so with you. have been 30 for a month. Sadly, it didn’t change the feelings about this. So I’m no help. However?
::fistbump::
You pulled this from inside my head. I am 34. What you are talking about isn’t so much an age issue, but a working mom issue. It’s so hard. And guilt-laden. And exhausting. And awesome, in a way, because by making the choice you’ve made, you get more time with yor kids. For me, sometimes that extra time with them isn’t so awesome. My patience is thin. There are other things I’d rather be doing. It sucks. It’s a delicate balance. But rediscovering yourself seems like a good first step. By working out. Stepping out of your shell. Finding your fun. I don’t know. This just really resonated for me.
I came here today because of an old comment on Miss Britt’s blog. Without taking into consideration anything else that you’ve written, you can start looking for another job. Just make sure you put on the applications or on your resume that it is NOT OK to contact your current employer – heck you don’t even have to list exactly who you are currently working for.
Good luck on making up your mind about a sucky job.
See, this is why I normally don’t give legal advice – I never remember the disclaimers: Unless you’re not in the US, then I don’t know what the rules are but I’m sure you can find someone who does. Preferably with a law degree, which I do not have!
Hang in there! These days usually only last for a short while.
And? Happy Birthday! That should make a little happy anyway.
Our lives could not be more different, and yet I still understand exactly what you are saying. I think it is a woman thing, a growing up thing, an adult thing. I think we all go through it, married or not, children or not. <3
Just stumbled here, of course now I forget from where.
Yes, you can look while you are there. I’ve found looking around helps a ton, just knowing there are options out there can make where you are feel better. It removes the “stuck” feeling.
And something else to consider – You say that you think your family obligations have taken a toll on your career there. What makes you think it will be significantly different somewhere else? You’ll have to do a lot of investigating to find a company – especially in this economy – that allows flexibility on top of good salary and benefits.
These places do exist, but you had better be a rock star to get in to a company like that. Would your references call you a rock star?
And really, if you think about it, your best bet to get rock star treatment is to be incredible at your current job. They have the most time invested in you. How hard have you pursued advancement? Did you lobby for it? When is the last time you talked to your boss about your career? Or are you assuming you can’t move ahead because of family? They could be waiting for you to ask for it.
Bottom line, if you are good enough, make yourself indispensable enough, a company will work with you and your needs/demands. They’ll give you the flexibility you want if that’s what it takes to keep you.
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