After hitting publish on my last post, I cried.
I cried because I was scared, worried, anxious about reactions I may receive. Not so much about the pictures, though they were pretty hard for me to post, but that I felt completely exposed. Not only did I divulge into how my messed up brain works, but combine that with a couple of pictures of my flabby mom-post-baby-two-years-ago belly, which. Dude? Ouch.
I kinda worried you were going to think I was being an attention seeking douchebag by going on about Boo! I don’t see any results! I suck!. For anyone who has read this site for any amount of time, I would think they know that’s not how I roll. I am straight to the point. I share those deep, dark, parts because even though I think I’m alone with some of the demons I face, I know there are others out there who fight something similar. I share because a) I can’t keep my mouth shut and b) I am an open book.
I’ve been accused of lacking soft skills, which okay, sure. Sometimes I can be a little crass. *ahem* But I see no reason for bullshitting you. I don’t sugar coat things because, really? Who wants to deal with that shit? Some people find my straightforwardness cold and intimidating, but that’s not who I am. Sometimes I am shy, quiet and timid when faced with situations I am uncomfortable with. I don’t like attention.
This weight loss journey has brought more attention my way. People notice my hard work, congratulate me, and I get all hot and turn bright red. I am grateful that people notice, but I suck at receiving compliments.
But I like compliments.
It’s a vicious circle, really.
And when you see me at BlogHer, I may appear to be a little standoff-ish, but I’m really not. I am waiting for you to approach me because I’m scared you’ll reject me when I introduce myself. I may smile at you, but not say anything because I usually sound like an idiot when I try small talk. Just give me a chance, because I really can be fun!
:::
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{ 16 comments }
This is the first time I’ve commented, though I’ve been reading you for years. Every post you write sounds like it’s directly out of my brain. Based on what I’ve read, you and I are so similar it’s uncanny. I wish I were going to Blogher so we could meet – I feel like we’d really hit it off.
Great, now I sound like some sort of obsessed stalker…I’m not, really.
OK, so I didn’t comment on the previous post…mostly because I’ve had a house full of kids. BUT! There is progress and I know you can feel it even if you can’t *see* it. (I can.) I don’t see it as attention-grabbing or any of that nonsense; I just see it as, “Hey, this is where I am, so far.” And I think it rocks.
See you in 2 1/2 weeks!
Because I care, when I see you at BlogHer I promise not to reveal the location of sole Tim Horton’s in Manhattan.
I think I met you for about 2 seconds at BlogHer last year. I will totally say hi for real this time.
I am very much looking forward to meeting you at BlogHer this year!
“And when you see me at BlogHer, I may appear to be a little standoff-ish, but I’m really not. I am waiting for you to approach me because I’m scared you’ll reject me when I introduce myself. I may smile at you, but not say anything because I usually sound like an idiot when I try small talk. Just give me a chance, because I really can be fun!”
ME. THIS! YES!
Thank God we already know each other and can totally glom on to one another.
Awww Sam. You’re so freaking cute. Anyone who gets to meet you at blogher this year is lucky! You’re fabulous and fun and I’m so glad you’re my friend. xoxo
a) I can’t wait to meet you at BlogHer
b) where I am planning to run 5K at an hour I would not normally even consider being awake, just because you encouraged me to
c) so I’m training and working out every day so I don’t DIE attempting that
d) and haven’t lost an ounce, nor do I look any different.
e) but I don’t care, because post-baby bodies are secretly totally hot. It’s the sexy brains!
i’m sad i’m not going. not that i’m a blogger or anything, but you would definitely be on my top 5 people to meet list. i love your tell it like it is style.
True story:
In the summer of 2008, I went to my first blogging conference. I was feeling waaaay out of my environment and trying hard to look cool and casual . The last person I was introduced to was a lovely blonde in a white dress, pushing a baby carriage with one of the cutest baby boys I’ve ever seen. She had a sweet smile and a disarmingly fresh personality and immediately made me feel welcome and at ease.
And she’s got a killer laugh.
That’s Sam. You’re going to be lucky to know her.
You made me tear up. LOL
Thank you!! xoxoxoxo
I’ll tackle you.
Be prepared.
I’m just slowly catching up on my blog reading… so I read this post and the last post at the same time. All I can say is that you are one brave woman. Those were tough words and photos to share… I’m sure. But, oh how I can relate.
And BlogHer. Now that I’m reading how many people are warning that they shy and awkward and may be found quiet in corners…. I’m just not sure how I’m ever going to meet anyone. I’ll be another one of the shy anxious chubby ones trying not to look too shy or anxious.
: )
I think sharing the hard things helps everyone that reads it. Everyone goes through things like this. Like me. And I appreciate anyone brave enough to share.
I’m just happy to kind of know what you look like so I can spot you at BlogHer and hug you. You may have to wear a towel on your head for me to really notice you, though.
I’ll have a red stapler.
You look fantastic! I can see an awesome difference. You are so fucking brave for journalling the weight loss. After my son was born and I hated my body so much (not that I’m BFF with it now) I just wore tons of clothes…I think folks caught on when it was July and I was in a turtleneck passed out with heat exhaustion.
I too am TERRIBLE at small talk. I usually ask the most inappropriate questions to all the wrong people, ex. ME: “so, are you close with your dad?” PERSON: “actually he died in my arms. I’m still really upset about it.” (TRUE STORY)
Anyway, my point, I cower in corners too but mostly because I’ve got a foot permanently placed in my mouth. So, hey, if you want to take a chance, we could totally hang out at Blogher.
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