A Manhattan condo is a dream of mine.
Hell, a Toronto condo wouldn’t be bad either.
But, Manhattan. The Big Apple, The City That Never Sleeps, New York: that’s where I belong. The fast pace, the activity, the multiculturalism: it’s all perfect. Yes, much like Toronto, but on a much grander scale.
Until a couple weeks ago, it’s was 13 years since my last visit as a scrawny 16-year-old teenager. We went on a trip, my best friend and I, for her birthday. Her mom and aunt as our chaperones. The city was different then. The people a little less friendly, the cabbies a little more crass, the streets a little less welcoming.
Since my visit all those years ago, things have changed. Considerably. The once stereotypical cold-hearted concrete jungle is alive and thriving despite its more recent tragedies. New York makes me happy. It makes me feel alive.
The purpose of my trip, BlogHer’s annual conference, where I spent less than 20 minutes partaking in any conference-related activities (aside from some running, expo-ing and parties), because Dude? I was in New York. It really wasn’t deliberate. I had every intention of participating in some Room of Your Owns, lunches and breakfasts, but in the end, the streets were calling me.
No, not like that.
I felt this incredible GUILT for being stuffed away in a (freezing) hotel ballroom while New York City was outside! I couldn’t fight it. The bustling subway, the smell of street meat mixed with musty stale humidity. Appetizing, right? It smells much better than you would think.
When I planned my trip bought my tickets back in April, I assumed 5 days would be sufficient.
Hell, I didn’t even think I was going to be able to swing this trip at all until I won a sponsorship from Twenty70 Hosting.
I planned to arrive early on Wednesday, Conference and then do tourist things until Sunday evening, but I had conveniently forgot that IT WAS NEW YORK CITY. There is NEVER enough time for New York. Of all the things I had on my list of must-see/must-do, I think I crossed off three.
Jackson Pollock at MoMA
All those *missed* opportunities – like seeing the Statue of Liberty, walking down Wall Street, going to the Empire State Building (again) – were filled with amazing experiences I would never trade in a million years. I mean, it’s not often I have an opportunity to see some of the most amazing friends I’ve ever met who just happen to be living in my computer.
Me and my Casey (@mooshinindy)
Me and Angie (@alotofnothing), photo belonging to Angie.
Miss Emily (@designhermomma)
My new BFF, Kim (@kimorlandini)
For me, New York wouldn’t have been the same without them. Without many of you. A chance meeting as we entered and exited elevators, seeking people out via text and twitter, a quick hug as we pass by: it’s all too surreal, having all those people you know right there at the same time. People, who though so different from each other have very similar likes. People who get it, and aren’t annoyed by the constant glow of backlight from a smartphone while one checks twitter, or facebooks a friend.
Though I had such great experiences this year, I was burdened by thoughts of last years conference where I witnessed first hand the downward spiral of our writing community.
This community, our community, used to be more about personal reflection and memoir-style blogging, as Cecily wrote just yesterday. That’s where I started, and where I still feel most comfortable; but as she pointed out, we’re a dying breed – and I think that’s why I have been having such a hard time maintaining this site.
Since BlogHer in Chicago last year, after I witnessed the onslaught of our own community members whoring themselves out for a couple free dildos and rubber shoes, I’ve resented what this community has become. I only really just got that today after reading Cecily’s post. I just want our old community back, but also am not obilivous to the fact that this vortex of consumption, need and one-upping has become the way of the future. Book deals, television appearances, brand ambassadors, review sites and giveaways are the new Memoir-style blogging, and as much as I’d love to see the dinosaurs make a comeback I think those days are gone.
Now is where we, I, decide to either shit of get off the pot. Do I keep plugging along and blogging about me, my faults, my life, my triumphs, my failures while throwing a couple reviews and giveaways into the mix to appease the masses?
I was hoping that this conference was going to catapult me past this resentment. Past this uncomfortable-ness in my own blog.
But it hasn’t.
Instead, it’s renewed my idea of friendship, love and companionship. It has reminded me that there are handfuls of people I would – and could – spend every single day with, and that I have met them because of this community.
Me and Mishelle (@secretagentmama), taken by Mishelle
No amount of swag, promises of Blog Fame, or traffic will change what you mean to me.
For a moment, you were there. And in a New York minute, you were gone. Back in my computer.
And that, friends, is what THIS is all about.
{ 38 comments }
sad that I couldn’t make it this year, but hopefully next year and I plan to see you there.
San Diego, baby! I really hope I can make it!
This sums it all up perfectly. All of it. Excellent post. I don’t think I even caught a glimpse of you at the conference, though.
Um. Ya. I failed at that part. Considerably.
Sucks that I didn’t see you! I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the number of people there.
I’m so tickled pink to have met you!!! XOXO
YOU, Miss Kim! Were a HIGHLIGHT of my time in New York. I love you hard.
I only saw you for one minute!
But it’s OK! I’m coming to Toronto in October!
Seriously. I got to squeeze on you though! You wouldn’t believe the number of people I saw only long enough for a hug, then they were gone for the rest of the weekend…
Goodness, it would have been lovely to meet you in NYC. Glad it was just what you needed.
And those days of old? I’m not convinced they’re gone forever. And that’s not the wine talking.
You, lady, are good people. I would LOVE to meet you.
I hope you’re right. I would love to see more people writing because they love it, not because they think it will earn them some sort of recognition…
Wow, Toronto. I loved, loved, loved reading this post. Also? I loved meeting you. Drinks on the rooftop of Hotel Gansevoort with a group of awesome people was the highlight of my BlogHer experience. Snd I regret bailing out if karaoke now. Anyway. Well written post. Hope to see you soon! Blissdom? San Diego FOR SURE, okay? xo
HAHA, I LOVE that we call each other Toronto and Ottawa! And I LOVED meeting you! Even if I don’t make it to Blissdom, I will come see you downtown!
It was so awesome to finally get to meet you, even if you did ditch me on that cab ride.
hahahaha
Is the blogging community changing? Perhaps. Everything evolves I guess, but really it is just what you make it and what you want it to be. I think there will always be waves, but underneath those waves will always be those that keep a steady flow of life and human emotion.
As for New York, I love that place like no other. The smell, the sound, the buzz are all intoxicating. Even out where I lived on the island just a 45 minute train ride away. I love and miss it so very much. Sadly, the cost of living is astronomical, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible, just harder.
I DIDN’T DITCH YOU INTENTIONALLY! WAAAAAAAH!
It was really great meeting you! Hopefully I get to come to Florida soon to visit you and Angie Pangie! xo
You do know that some of us do live & work here, right? and that by getting to know us is a great way to do the town the way You’d like to: with someone who knows the area, and can show you places Not on the tourist map. (e.g. the African Market on 125th st in Harlem, the Feast of San Gennero in little italy etc…) Just that. email me. “Nuff said.
Lucky for me, I met @MommasGoneCity and she took us out for a night on the town. Still. Not enough time!
But next time I’m in NYC, you can be you’re going to be told! My hopes are to make it a yearly trip – even if it’s a few days I’d be happy.
I love your pictures of New York.
I wish there was one with you in it.
Meeting you was a pleasure, you were one of my favorites. Really! And I hope the dinosaurs do make a comeback…
You. I love you. You are AMAZING.
And an awesome band mate. For life.
XO
Like you said, fleeting hugs…My BH post is still brewing but a lot of what you said here is resonating and making mine bubble to the surface.
Totally wish we had the chance to talk more. I guess there’s San Diego, right?
Say there will be something BEFORE San Deigo? Please?
xoox
AMEN SISTER!!
Let’s keep telling the story of our lives. Sharing with each other. Keeping each other in good company!
And next year? We run the 5K together, k?
Provided we don’t drink the night before. We’re going to be running more than 5k by then anyway. It would be a breeze.
I love you, sister.
One of the things that keeps me doing this, is the community. We are not a dying breed Sam, unless we stop. Unless we let them be the only words out there, the ones who only care about what stuff they are getting and who wants them to write what.
I adore you, because you are real. I have 200 blogs in my reader. The ones I never fail to read? Are the ones that are real.
Our words matter, as long as we believe they do.
Hugs friend. Wish I’d gotten to spend more time with you. I struggled at BH this year…because all I wanted to do was be in NYC. Last year I stayed inside the whole time. This year, I may have spent too much time outside. Maybe next year, I will find my balance.
I feel the same as you. I spent more time outside than I did in the hotel, for sure. Hopefully I see you before San Diego? *hugs*
I loved this post. Felt like a relived the weekend for a minute.
I think I saw you during your keynote and for a fleeting second as the elevator door closed. I was tempted to go all stalker-ish and shove my arm through the door to stop it, but then I chickened out.
I hanging with you here and there. I wish I had thought to get a photo, but alas, I hardly took any photos of people while I was there. Hoping to see you next year in San Diego!
ugh, that was supposed to say I loved hanging out with you here and there. I must stop trying to multi-task. Or proof read better.
I knew what you meant!
It was great to spend time with you in the Serenity Suite. It was a little less hectic up there!
Was good to see you, even if only for a New York minute.
Seriously. Not enough time. I miss you so much.
I’m so glad we met in NY! You’re in person self beams just as you do online. Thanks for the smiles!
Thank you, Lexi. I think that’s the best compliment I’ve received in a long time. I try to keep it real.
You’re amazing, and glowing! I am so glad we had a chance to spend some time together.
I am so so happy to have met you! BlogHer really did make this whole little world inside my computer all that much more real… and important.
This was a great post. The truth is, I think a lot of us have felt just that way.
I stopped the product trials, free swag, total bullshit that I thought blogging was supposed to be. I also stopped visiting sites that continued to be that way.
I took a step back from blogging. I lost a lot of followers.
And now I’m sort of right back to where I was when I started, no fan base AND BLOGGING FOR MYSELF. And you know what? I like it.
Our night in little Italy will be locked away in my heart forever. I’ll open it and take little hits off of it when I need it most.
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