I am indifferent when it comes to shopping.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve bought something and loved it so much I would find any opportunity to wear it.
I can’t remember ever buying something that I would wash in the delicate cycle or take out to get dry cleaned.
In my office, anything including jewelry or high heels is extremely overdressed.
I have a hard time finding myself anything that I really like and can justify the expenditure. Everything is so damn expensive – or at least to me. I mean, spending more than forty dollars on a pair of pants pains me. I think of all the other things I could/should be using it for. Like a credit card payment, dinner, clothes for the kids. My mind spins with these other needs to the point it makes me feel ill and I leave empty handed.
With my fat ass being heavier (even though I’ve lost just over 20 pounds in the past 4 months), trendy, cute clothes are all so tricky to find: something that covers my rolls; works to accentuate the good stuff and hide the bad; is comfortable; is not too expensive… COMES IN LARGE ENOUGH SIZES… it’s really just more trouble than I have patience for.
Grabbing a size I think is right and heading to the change room, which seems to be lit by 1,000 watt blubs and reflects off the three-sided mirrors, to stuff myself in to said item only to find that it’s actually too small is not my idea of a good time. So, I try and convince myself that I’m still losing weight and buying something would just be a waste because I (hopefully) won’t be able to wear it after a few months.
But damn, people. Lately, I have really wanted to shop. But… I think I’ve forgotten how…
I am seeing clothes as fun! and exciting! again. For years I have lived with hiding my body under thick turtleneck sweaters, layers of clothing and simple items so not to draw too much attention to myself. I am sick of it. I am sick of hiding. I am sick of being uncomfortable in my own skin.
Clothing images link to my Stylesense account, feel free to click through if you like. May help me get closer to getting my very own pair of Jimmy Choo’s!
Now, I am feeling slightly more confident, slightly braver, and proud of my results. I am trying to branch out from my typical boring look – of t-shirts and jeans – but I’m finding it hard to put things together. I don’t even know where to start. Where to shop, what to look for, deals to be had; I truly suck at this.
I need to find myself a style guru. I need someone to hold my hand, pass me clothes over the change room door, accessorize me, then pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be alright.
Oh, and if the came with an open-ended credit card and a proper bra fitting, I would be in heaven.
{ 11 comments }
I hear (feel?) ya. I went from a uniform, to a business-casual office (and 25lbs lost), to a business-attire-only office (and 45lbs gained), to a casual office (and a long way to go) – I feel painfully awkward and obvious when I’m brave enough to wear a (casual) skirt. I wear the same stuff every. single. day. because it’s easier (mostly on my self-esteem).
And I *still* need to be properly fitted for a bra.
I have no idea how to dress myself. I basically wear a uniform. Actually, they’re more like Garanimals—jean, T-shirts, and boots or sandals. Every. Day. I have a friend who is a stylist (blows my mind that people get paid to do that) and I’m trying to woo her over to my house with the promise of mojitos and martinis so she can go through my closet, get rid of stuff, help me pair things better and maybe go shopping with me. Clearly, I’m not capable of doing it for myself.
you are kinda sorta really hot. I’m thinking we should have done some shopping in NYC. Why don’t you live closer so we could hang?
I have lost 64lbs this year, so far and I still feel like I can’t be beautiful. You know? oh those jimmy choos just called my name
64lbs!?!? Wow, Christine, that’s AMAZING!
I know what you mean about still not really being able to feel beautiful. I wish I could find the link, we talked about this at Shredheads once; there’s a fat kid in all of us and no matter how hard we try they convince us that one more piece of cake is okay. We’ll always, in some way, see *that* image of the fat kid no matter how much work we’ve done to get fit and healthy.
I’m really proud of you. What a great accomplishment! XX
Not sure when it happened. But I stopped buying myself things. I think when I stopped bringing home considerable bacon. When I brought home the bucks I spent them as I deserved them. Now not so much. So yesterday I bought a purse. yeah and I complained that it was $30 even though I had been carrying my broken strap purse for 7 months. I guess at some point I went from high maintenance to low maintenance to no maintenance. Don’t study the weight, study the healthy. You look great.
That black fruffly top would look amazing on you. Also? You’re so pretty on the inside it oozes all over your so called tshirt and jeans on the outside.
Seriously, you’re hot mama. HOT.
Wow! I have felt the same way for five years! And I still haven’t reached 10% of my goal yet. I am so proud of you. I miss shopping, but that will have to wait.
As someone with outrageously wide hips and generous thighs, I have the most trouble finding jeans that are flattering. I hate it. HATE.
I know exactly how you feel – although I’ve *never* been able to shop for myself or wear something pretty without feeling like I’m in drag. It’s gotten decidedly worse since I had kids. I’ve been wearing the same sweat pants and t-shirts since my youngest was born, and she’s 2! Forget getting sized properly; I’m still wearing my nursing bras because not only do I sometimes feel that shopping is torture, but I just don’t have the time.
If you’re starting to actually feel like shopping, shop, woman!
I really love the pink dress. It’s amazing and very classy, and the shoes are great too, perfect for a first date, for example.
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