temporarily me » sex toys, hardly

January 14th, 2007

MamaTulip wanted to hear about my battery operated toothbrush. I believe she even mentioned the word dild0 in her request. Pfft. What a pervert. I found it odd that this what part of her request, but reminded me of one of my business trips….

I enjoy brushing my teeth as much as the next person but I have a new found lust for it since getting my electric toothbrush. Now, it’s not one of those fancy Sonic Care toothbrushes, which I wouldn’t mind; it’s just one of those ~~cheap~~ Oral B. This thing is what dreams are made of. I could never, never return to using a “manual” toothbrush. It’s manual, but with less work. The head spins and cleans better then any regular ~~shitty~~ toothbrush. Anyone unknowing would definitely mistake the sound and vibration for a dildo.

I know this because…

I was on a business trip in September 2004. From Toronto to Virginia for a month. Pack my shit and away we go. Trip there was uneventful; get to the rented mini van and load up my stuff in the back. Take a short trip from DC to Maryland to pick up some equipment. There’s me, my boss and some guy from France that I’d never met but was to stay and work with me for the entire month. Great. Fine. So in Maryland we load up our equipment from the office which required some shuffling of the luggage in the back. No biggie. Right? *Ahem*

The guys are shuffling some stuff around and I come walking back to the van with my arms full of computer hardware, what exactly is not important. I get to the van and my boss turns towards me and diverts his eyes very quickly. Huh? What the fuck was that about? He then looks down at the ground, up at the sky, to his left. “There’s something going off in your luggage.” He says and quickly makes a dash for the building. There I stand dumbfounded as to what the fuck he’s talking about. I take my time and load the shit I was carrying and walk over to my bag thinking that he’s seriously got to lay off the crack. What the hell could be going off in my fuckin’ bag? I touch it. It’s vibrating. It’s fucking vibrating. *sigh* Je-sus. I know what it is.

My damn toothbrush. I hadn’t taken the batteries out before I packed it and with the shuffling something must have depressed the button. I think he was more embarrassed then I was; all I could do was laugh. I pulled it out to prove to him that it was in fact my toothbrush and not some sex toy that I planned on getting freaky with while I was away from hubby!

You’d think I’d learn my lesson after that? Oh, no. Not this one.

So, I’m in the airport on my way home at the end of the trip. Check my luggage in Dulles Airport and think nothing of it. Send it through the security check points, x rays, etc., and I’m on my way home.
Get back to Toronto and head to the baggage department. Wait for everything to unload; everything does, but my bag. Fuck! Where the hell is my bag!? I walk around, check other spots and then go to the baggage claim counter and ask. The bitch there doesn’t even look up and points to where the unclaimed bags are stored. I walk over wondering how it would be there if I just arrived here. Whatever.
But low and behold, there it is. With bright orange tape around it and a sticker that says “INSPECTED”. I grab my bag and head off; feeling a little violated and wondering, Why me? What made you want to search my bag?

I get home, still pondering the reasons that they chose MY bag.

As I open my bag, it hits me. There IT is, sitting on top of everything else, opened and batteries removed.

My ~~dildo~~ toothbrush went off in my bag again!

I can just imagine the inspector that had to check for that! A big sigh of relief must have washed over them when they realized that it was in fact a toothbrush and not a sex toy.